When Titans Get Rich
by Triforce90
Summary: The New York Times says Fun for the whole family! A great fic! USA Today says You can't miss this fic! Read it and laugh now! The author says Review, please. Saint H says Seriously this is gold. That should convince you, if nothing else.
1. One Thing Leads to Another

A/N: **If you're actually reading this, please check out my new horror fic, _The Red Death_. It's yummy.**

* * *

Once upon a time, in a land, far, far away, on the planet Tamaran, lived a beautiful girl named Kori Anders. 

Kori was born into royalty… she was the crown princess of her home planet. She was also very talented; she had the power of flight and could shoot starbolts from her hands.

However, many Tamaranians did not like her. Though most people adored her because of her beauty in the public life, her personal life was very terrible. Though she was only fourteen, she often smoked the illegal Cha-Cha plant, was a heavy drinker, and often stole spacecrafts in terrible and violent acts of grand-theft craft.

A small group of people supported her decisions… a cult that aptly called themselves "The Anders Family". These people thought Kori to be the Tamaranian messiah, who would give everyone free love and lead them to salvation. Of course, this was not the case, for the family had committed the murder of the famous Tamaranian play actress, Ja'karon Rate.

(A/N: If you know what event in history I'm basing this off of, tell me and you get a Triforce90 Cookie!)

Of course, such acts caused by the family were not acceptable, and Kori and the family were turned in to the Tamaranian police. However, a single murder was not a serious charge. The family was let go with a slap on the wrist.

The family was later then arrested that evening for having a toga party without a license. They were sentenced to five months in prison.

After their release, the family continued their parade of terror by next stealing a blurpleberry lollipop from a two-year old female. The mother, who witnessed the crime, immediately reported the family to the Tamaranian mob. It was then the mob's job to track down the leader of this cult and kill him or her.

Kori found out about this plan and knew that she must leave the planet in order to prevent her premature death. Using her craft-theft skills, she hopped into a Bee-Em-Double-You and zoomed off into the infinite mass of space above her.

She decided that the distant planet Earth would be the best place to hide… It was very, very far away from her home planet, and it sounded like a very nice place. However, she did not know anything about its culture. Landing in the city of Jump, she hoped that she would easily learn the ways of the planet. Unfortunately, this was not as easy as she hoped it would be; people ate strange foods, wore strange clothes, and listened to strange music.

At a coffee house in a dark alley, Kori met an equally dark girl named Raven, who had just finished playing the bongos and reading poetry onstage. Thinking quickly, Kori decided that she must act innocent. This girl may have heard about Kori Anders and the Anders Family, and if she found out that her new friend was the actual Kori, she and her family were in big trouble.

The girl named Raven seemed to have known she was a Tamaranian, due to the fact that she wore Tamaranian clothes and had typical Tamaranian traits. Then, to her surprise, Raven asked if she had any special powers. Kori told the girl that yes, she did, and the girl asked if she was willing to devote herself to ridding the city of evil. Realizing that this might be a good opportunity to give free love, she accepted and became part of a crime-fighting team called the Teen Titans.

After Kori had displayed the other members of the team her fighting powers, they all agreed to give her the new name of Starfire. The reason why was unknown to her… But hey, it was a new name.

It was then that Starfire began her new life.

(A/N: Purists, go ahead and flame.)

* * *

It was a typically dry Saturday… Jump City had been experiencing a large drought for the past three months. Though there was hardly a blade of grass in the city proper, the park and surrounding forest were all burnt to a crisp, unable to take the lack of water. Indeed, it's as if a fire had started and turned everything brown. 

Most of the city's residents didn't really care, however, for they had many other things to worry about. Such examples would be how they should wear their hair, what to eat next, and what CD they should listen to in their car radio. The latter started much mayhem, for the residents were too stupid to not know that looking at something else instead of the road while driving was dangerous. Many car crashes followed, most of them fender benders.

However, such minor accidents brought out the worst in people, and violent crimes followed in the process. Such crimes would be those of road rage, where the receiver of a fender bender would set fire to the other's car. Due to the mass drought, this was not a wise decision, especially if the fender bender took place next to the park or the forest. They most often did.

Most people know that fire and dry shrubbery can lead to a mass fire of **doom**. This fact was reestablished after the mass fire of '05, which quickly burned down the entire park. The park could've been saved, but there had been a ban on using hoses due to the mass drought. Anybody that used a hose and wasted water would have to pay a fine of seven-hundred dollars. The fire department, whose entire stock of capital had self-combusted due to a freak heat wave, could not afford to waste water _and _pay the fine. Their only choice was to watch the blaze while they appropriately roasted marshmallows and sang campfire songs backed up by a 12-string acoustic.

Fortunately, the fire ended, due to the fact that all grass had been burned and, since the surrounding concrete couldn't, the fire had no choice but to put itself out. After the fire, the park pretty much looked the same as it had before, due to the fact that it had been so dry.

This incident scared many people, so, along with the hose ban, a burning ban was established as well. This ban would not allow anyone to burn trash, firewood, or propane/natural gas near the surrounding forest. If the following action(s) was/were committed, the person must pay a fine of seven-hundred dollars.

Due to the fact that Jump City's electricity relied on natural gas (in order to somewhat decrease the pollution coarse particulates in the area), nobody had anything to do. The use of natural gas indeed saved money, but if any electricity was used, a person would have to give up seven-hundred dollars. Due to the mass heat wave, all paper currency had unfortunately exploded, shriveling up to a black wad of ash. The silver dollar returned.

In another case of bad luck, the heat wave caused the silver dollar to become extremely hot. Therefore, people could not hold the currency without screaming in pain. Another law was created, forcing a citizen that carried money to wear extremely thick rubber gloves (provided by the government) and, as an extra precaution, carry wooden tongs to handle the money.

It wasn't until a week later that people realized that if they could hold wooden tongs without the tongs getting hot, why didn't they use wooden currency? Another law was created, ordering people to turn in wood items that were no longer needed. These wood items were then whittled into currency and distributed to the people.

Unfortunately, many people received splinters from carrying the wooden currency. A large series of lawsuits were placed upon the government, and wooden currency was no longer allowed to be used. Instead, the people would use high-density plastic. The plastic itself would be provided by billiards balls.

However, billiards balls proved very hard, if not impossible, to whittle into currency. Therefore, the balls would be used as they were. In example, the yellow "one" ball would be used as a one dollar bill. Large coin purses were created for the people, and everything went smooth for a while.

Because of the use of billiards balls, the use of cents was no longer allowed. If an item had cost $1.50, a person could not pay a "one" ball and half of a "one" ball. Instead, the prices would be rounded up to the nearest digit; the price would then be $2.

A problem was then started when a young woman, Cynthia Jones, an African American school teacher, wanted to buy a bag of M&Ms (which now melted in your hand before they could melt in your mouth). Due to the fact that no cents could be used, the bag of candy cost Jones a "one" ball. Jones was outraged at the price and demanded to be given the bag of candy for free. After the shop owner refused, Jones attempted shoplifting but was unsuccessful, due to the fact that the candies had melted in her hand. The hot chocolate gave Jones a third-degree burn and, doing the right thing, she sued the _Mars and Mars_ candy company and the store cashier for carrying the product.

When the court system denied her lawsuit, Jones accused the system of racial prejudice. She then started a picket line at the court house, along with her best friend, Katherine Brown, and her dog, Fluffy. The picket line was broken up by the fire department, who had managed to push Jones and Brown out of the way. Brown ordered Fluffy the dog to attack the fire department, and, out of instinct, the fire department used a hose on the dog. The picket line was officially broken.

However, because of the hose ban, the fire department had to pay a fine of seven-hundred dollars worth of billiards balls. For an even amount, the fire department gave the government fifty "fourteen" balls, which, by order of the mayor, were hung by golden chains from the ceiling in the town ballroom. This added a nice decoration of green, white, and gold.

However, due to the fact that the chains were of low quality, the chains broke, and the billiards balls fell to the marble floor. Unfortunately, this happened during Oktoberfest, where the city celebrated its German roots. While a man on the accordion played wildly for many people dancing while wearing lederhosen, the green and white billiards balls fell from the ceiling and conked many people on the head. They went into comatose, and the families of the victims ordered that billiards currency would be discontinued.

While the use of leather currency was being discussed in the town hall, people stayed in their houses, using no electricity and not going out for any reason. This led the people to think about many things. One common topic was "Why isn't it raining? Our city is a harbor, for Pete's sake! We're right next to the ocean!" People then were concerned that this was because of the melting of the polar icecaps, which could be causing the currents of the ocean to be running amuck.

Environmentalists, arriving from the surrounding cities in their large private jets (and refusing to believe that an environmentalist owning a private jet was extremely ironic), were sent to the Arctic to try and do something. The citizens are now waiting for a report on just how they plan to restore the ice caps.

And then it rained.

While most people complained about their plans being ruined because of the rain, other people were celebrating. Such people included a young girl named Starfire, who lived at least fifty miles away from the city proper in a large tower in the shape of a T.

"It is raining!" she shouted aloud to no one in particular. She had just been in the kitchen, stirring a pudding, and then putting it in the refrigerator to keep it cool. As she began to make her way up to her room, she had heard a loud crash outside and looked out a window to see that, to her surprise, it was raining buckets.

"It's really coming down now, huh?" asked a voice from behind.

Turning around, Starfire saw her good friend Beast Boy, who had just come up from the garage. She could tell because of the large amounts of motor oil on his face and sleeves.

"Indeed!" she responded. "All that was once dry will be restored! We must do something to celebrate."

"People don't really just celebrate because of rain," said Beast Boy. "Besides, what would we do? We're not supposed to use electricity or burn anything, and –"

"But we do it anyway, do we not?" asked the Tamaranian alien.

"Shh!" shushed Beast Boy. "You know that's a secret!"

Indeed, Starfire knew. She had found out by her friend Robin, and while he had expected the rest of his team to be following the rules, they had secretly been acting as if no bans had been established (this would explain why Starfire just put a pudding in a refrigerator). If Robin had known this happened he would have been extremely upset. They were often reminded of his wrath when they saw the large whip-like scars on their stomachs or backs during certain parts of the day.

"When do you think the bans will be lifted?"

"No idea. I guess when it's been raining for a long while. I'm getting tired of carrying around those clunky balls… I've already spent all of mine. The only balls I have left are… Well, I plan to keep those two."

"How much are they worth?" asked Starfire.

"Oh, a lot, I guess you could say."

"What numbers are they?"

"Uh…" began Beast Boy, looking slightly nervous. "'Six' and 'nine'?"

"But friend, I do not understand! Is that not equivalent to fifteen dollars? Would you not like to buy a musical compact disc or something?"

"Because I'm… uh… 'attached' to them."

"How so?"

"I LIKE THEIR COLORS, OK?" he shouted, pulling out a 'six' and 'nine' ball. "The 'six' is so green and shiny… And the 'nine', it's so cool with its little yellow stripe…"

(A/N: Wow. How messed up.)

Starfire, a little freaked out by her friend's sudden attachment to his money, left her friend to rub his cheeks on the hard plastic. As she returned to the kitchen to check on her pudding, she saw her friend Raven.

"Friend, do you wish to go to the city with me to celebrate the return of rain? We could perhaps go shopping!"

Raven just responded by reaching into the refrigerator. She pulled out Starfire's pudding, sniffed it, grimaced in disgust, and handed it to Starfire. "It's ready," she said.

"Thank you," said Starfire, accepting the pudding.

Raven reached back into the refrigerator and pulled out an apple, sniffed it, grimaced in disgust, and handed it to Starfire. Starfire accepted it, then watched as Raven reached back in the refrigerator. She pulled out a tub of whipped cream, opened the top, sniffed it, grimaced in disgust, and then closed the door. Grabbing a spoon, she dug it into the whipped cream and put it in her mouth.

"Good," she said, nodding her approval to the tub of whipped cream.

"I am happy you are satisfied, but you did not answer my question."

"What was it?" asked Raven, getting more whipped cream.

"I asked if you would like to go to the city with me in celebration of it raining."

"Sure. I have a bunch of billiards balls I need to spend."

"Marvelous!" shouted Starfire, clapping her hands. "Where shall we go?"

"Well, we could go to the mall, I guess. There's a sale going on at _Victor_…" Raven ended her sentence quickly. "…_Victor's Ice Cream Parlor_," she said, making a large recovery.

"I do not remember Victor having an ice cream parlor," said Starfire, sounding slightly confused. "Is it… new?"

"Uh…" began Raven. "Yeah, it's been around for a long time, but some time ago they changed the name to _Baskin Robbins_."

"Oh! I know of the place!" said Starfire, beaming.

"Great. Then you wouldn't mind if we buy several tho… Um… Ice cream cones."

"No! I would most enjoy it!"

"Sure," said Beast Boy from the living room. "And try not to get too many 'ice cream cones', Raven."

Raven scowled while Starfire looked confused. Of course he would say something like that…

* * *

"Thank you so much for treating me to the ice… AAAAAH!" 

"I told you Starfire, if you keep eating it that fast your brain will hurt."

It had been three minutes since the girls had left _Victor's Ice Cream Parlor_/_Baskin Robbins_. Raven, who had ordered a coffee flavored ice cream with a Gummy Bear topping, was very surprised that they were actually having a sale. Starfire, who had ordered a cheesecake flavored ice cream with pretzels, had to constantly keep putting her hand to her forehead and gasping, due to the fact that she had nearly devoured her ice cream in three bites.

It had been raining for over three hours now. While the parched grass in the forest soaked up nearly twenty inches of rain, the hose and burning bans had been lifted. Billiards balls still had to be used as currency, but plans to restart the use of the dollar bill were being set into action.

The girls continued their mall browsing in silence, still taking the occasional lick of ice cream (well, Raven licked, while Starfire bit) and merely glancing at some of the things that were on sale. _JC Penny _was having a penny sale; hundreds upon thousands of old, new, Canadian, American, and other pennies were all on sale.

"People are selling pennies now?" asked Raven, stopping to look at the shiny copper. "That's retarded. What kind of idiot would want to… Star, take your face off the window. It's not very appealing."

"But Raven!" said Starfire. "They are so **shiiiny**..."

Raven rolled her eyes.

"Can I have one?"

"No."

"But they're only one…"

"No."

"Okay…"

The girls continued to walk, Starfire moping about her loss of an opportunity to buy something exotic for her room. She then broke the silence, however, when she saw something that caught her eye.

"Look Raven!" she said, pointing. "_Victoria's Secret _is having a sale!"

Raven hurriedly turned to look, saw the store, and said, nervously, "Uh… How about that?"

"What a coincidence that both _Victoria's Secret _and _Victor's Ice Cream Parlor/Baskin Robins_ would have a sale on the same day!"

"Uh… How about that?" repeated Raven.

"Come! We shall go inside!"

Before Raven could do anything, Starfire grabbed her hand and dragged her into the store.

After about five minutes of walking, looking, and feeling, Raven began to relax. She had indeed wanted to go into the store, she was just a little nervous about shopping with someone. Then, realizing that Starfire was a fellow girl, she knew she could relax and have nothing to worry about.

"What do you think about this, Raven?" asked Starfire, holding up a very skimpy piece of lingerie.

"It's a very skimpy piece of lingerie," said Raven, suddenly feeling a tad redundant for some reason or another. "I wouldn't say that black is your color, though."

"Perhaps you are right," said Starfire, looking at the lingerie. Then, handing it to Raven, she said, "You go try it on."

"What?" asked Raven. "I don't want it!"

"But we are at a _sale_!" said Starfire, putting a lot more emphasis on the word "sale" than needed. "We are supposed to buy things without a purpose, correct?"

Raven thought about this for a while. "Yeah," she finally answered.

"Then go try it on!"

"But…"

"**DO IT**!"

The store, which previously had a quiet murmur of voices, became silent as all eyes became fixed upon the two odd looking girls.

"Okay…" said Raven, a little more high-pitched and nervous sounding than usual.

Raven walked quickly to the changing rooms near the back of the store, not wanting to invoke more Tamaranian wrath. She quickly stepped inside, closed the door, and locked it.

Not wanting to spend more time than she needed to, Raven quickly threw off her clothes and covered her nakedness with the lingerie. It covered every curve of her body; from the hips to her chest, nothing was left…. nothing… eadlfjaecpewj

(A/N: Wow. Sorry. I must've passed out. Ugh… Yep. I've got a nosebleed. Bad me! Bad!)

Anyway, the lingerie was now on. Raven admired herself in the mirror, making sure that she observed herself from every angle. Once she had done so, she sat down on a little bench that stuck out from the back wall. Noticing that practically all of her leg was showing in the reflection, she tried to look seductive and did that little sexy… bite… thing…

She then noticed a pair of obviously placed eye-holes cut out of the same wall that held the mirror. Realizing that she was being watched, Raven went up to the eyes and jammed her finger into the holes. As she had expected, there was a yell of pain.

"Geez, Raven! You didn't have to do _that_!"

Raven shrieked as she saw a green head reveal itself from another stall. Apparently, Beast Boy was standing on another bench to look over.

"HOLY CRAP!" shouted Raven, quickly covering herself with her blue cape. "BEAST BOY!"

"Uh… Hi, Rae," said Beast Boy, waving meekly.

"HOW MUCH DID YOU SEE?" asked Raven, red with both embarrassment and rage.

"Um…" began Beast Boy. "Well… I peed myself."

"YOU SAW IT ALL?" shouted Raven, no doubt attracting attention.

"Yes… Yes I did."

"I'LL KEEL YOU!"

Beast Boy shrieked and left the stall, barely dodging a blast of dark energy.

* * *

"I will **never **forgive you for this, Beast Boy." 

Raven, Beast Boy, and Starfire were now at the checkout line. While Raven and Starfire put their items down on the counter, Beast Boy felt extremely out of place, noticing how many women were staring at him.

"That'll be a total of $45 dollars," cheerfully said the cashier.

"Pay it," said Raven, scowling at Beast Boy.

"I only have fifteen, and they're my lucky…"

"Give it to me."

Beast Boy whimpered as he handed her his "six" and "nine" balls. Raven took them, placed them on the counter, and then pulled out two "fifteen" balls.

Beast Boy sighed as he watched his balls get placed in a cash register. "I never thought I would ever have to buy lingerie."

"You wouldn't have had to if you could've kept your hormones under control."

"Friends," began Starfire, "I am a little 'in the dark'. What has happened?"

"Nothing," said Raven. "But now Beast Boy's going to buy us drinks, isn't he?"

"I don't have any moneys," said Beast Boy, revealing his empty pockets.

"Okay then. Starfire's going to buy us drinks since I had just bought our stuff, and then you'll pay her back twice as much."

"Okay!" said Starfire, cheerfully. Beast Boy pouted.

The cashier finished putting the items in the bag, then said, unexpectedly, "Would you like to buy a lottery ticket?"

Raven and Beast Boy looked at the cashier in confusion while Starfire had a look on her face that said "Should I?".

"Why are you selling lottery tickets?" asked Beast Boy.

"We're in alliance with the national lottery committee," said the cashier, grinning. "Would you like to buy one or not?"

"So you're sinking yourself down to the level of 'quick mart'?" asked Raven.

"Uh… Yes. Would you like to buy one or not?"

"I would!" said Starfire, who had apparently made up her mind.

"Wonderful!" beamed the cashier. "Would you like a number pick ticket or a scratch off ticket, which now doubles as a 'scratch and sniff'?"

Faint _Jeopardy _music played while Starfire put a hand to her chin. Raven, Beast Boy, and the cashier looked around in confusion, wondering where the music was coming from.

"I'll take a scratch off ticket, Alex," said Starfire as the music ended.

"My name's Melissa," said the cashier. "And that'll be a dollar."

Starfire grinned as she pulled out a "one" ball, handed it to Melissa, and then received a ticket. As she grinned and looked at it in satisfaction, Beast Boy, Raven, and Melissa looked at her as if waiting for her to do something.

"Well?" asked Raven. "Aren't you going to scratch it off?"

"Oh!" said Starfire. "Yes!" She continued to look at it. "Um… Could you help me?"

Raven sighed as she grabbed Starfire's index finger, pointed the nail towards the shiny silver film and rubbed it against it. Starfire apparently got the picture, noticing the silver film starting to come off.

"There!" said Starfire, noticing her work. "That wasn't so bad!"

"No," said Beast Boy. "And you have only two more to do."

Starfire looked back at her ticket, noticing that she indeed needed to remove two more blocks of silver film.

"Oh…" she said, going back to work. The second film was removed, then the third. Beast Boy, Raven, and Melissa all strained their necks to see what was on the ticket.

"I have three gold bars." She then smelled the ticket. "And it smells like oranges. What does that mean?"

"It means…" said Melissa, somewhat in awe. "You won the jackpot. The orange thing is just a… smell."

Beast Boy and Raven stood there in an awe that matched Melissa's. Starfire beamed.

"Glorious!" she said. "What is the jackpot?"

"Last time I checked, it was over five hundred million dollars."

(A/N: Aren't I just the cheapest little son of a)

"Whoa," said Raven, interrupting the Author's Note. "Are you sure?"

"Yeah," nodded Melissa, still in shock. "Your friend here just won the entire lottery."

As soon as the word "lottery" escaped the cashier's mouth, around thirty reporters flooded the store, pushing innocent shoppers either out of their way or down to the floor. They soon surrounded Starfire, Beast Boy, Raven, and Melissa, and the four shielded their eyes as many bright lights escaped from cameras.

"Starfire, how does it feel to win the lottery?" asked a reporter in a red dress.

"Um…" said Starfire, pushing a microphone out of her left nostril. "Exhilarating?"

"What do you plan to do with the money?" asked an old man in a trench coat.

"I guess I will divide it evenly between my friends," said Starfire, whose pupils were now the size of a tick due to the bright lights. "I care for them very much and do not wish to be greedy."

"Dude, Starfire," began Beast Boy. "It's your money. You don't have to give it to us."

"No?" asked Starfire.

"No," continued Beast Boy. "You would just wallow in guilt instead, knowing that you could've made your friends happy."

Raven glared at the changeling, but before she could say anything, Starfire said, "Then it is settled! I will split the lottery between me and my friends!"

"OOOH! OOOH! LET ME TOUCH THEM!" came a voice from the crowd.

A teenage girl that wore less clothing than Mariah Carey came waddling up to the three, managing to push her way through the reporters.

"Oh!" said the girl, grabbing and shaking Raven's hand. "I've never **touched** a rich person before!"

"Big deal!" said Beast Boy. "I got to see her **nude**!"

* * *

Well, that's it for the first chapter. Review and you'll have a girl in skimpy clothing come up and freak out about getting to touch you! 


	2. Reminiscence

A/N: Hey, the fic actually got recognized. How cool. First off, thanks to everyone for Reviewing. I would put up a Review response thing, but, according to some, we're not allowed to. I personally think that's a crock of shit, but why risk it? I mean, yeah, I would respond to the Reviews, but I like the idea of this fic too much to want to put it in danger. I'll do it on a fic that I don't care so much about. Second, we have some Triforce90 Cookies to hand out!

The following people receive a cookie: SpiderSquirrel.

Good job, Spidey. The rest of you got owned.

* * *

Robin sat on the large couch in the Titans' living room. As Dawn spread over the world her fingertips of rose, Robin couldn't help but enjoy the quietness in the tower. All of his comrades were asleep… Well, except Raven, but who cares about her? She's nonexistent anyways. The point I'm trying to make is that the tower itself seemed to be enjoying the quiet of dawn. The wind wasn't blowing, the birds weren't chirping, and the ocean was extremely calm. It was as if time itself had stopped, causing everything to become eerily still.

(A/N: If you know what book that's from, tell me and you'll get a Triforce90 Cookie! Should be rather easy… if you're in high school.)

"**BEAST BOY!**"

In an interesting Doppler effect, a female's voice began to spread its way through the Tower, knocking books off shelves and making the water in toilets ripple. The wind began to blow. Birds began to chirp. The ocean grew violent. Then, as soon as it happened, it stopped.

Once again, all was still.

Robin put a hand to his forehead, trying to suppress a growing migraine. What the hell was that all about?

Robin guessed that he was soon to find out, however, when Raven came storming into the living room. She didn't even seem to notice Robin sitting there on the couch… Otherwise, she would have at least glared at him. Instead, she just kept marching. She was obviously heading towards the changeling's room.

"Raven?" asked Robin.

"**WHAT?**"

As soon as the word escaped her lips, dogs began to bark, thunder began to boom, and crickets began to chirp.

Once again, all was still.

"Is there something wrong?"

"**YES!**"

Hell froze over, Antarctica grew a couple of volcanoes, and every single cow in Wisconsin mooed… **AT THE SAME TIME!**

Once again, all was still.

"Do you have to raise your voice every time you speak?" asked Robin. "You're about to cause the world to go completely out of balance."

"Oh," said Raven. "Yes. Sorry."

"So. What's the problem?"

"Look at this!"

Raven threw a newspaper into Robin's lap. As soon as it landed, chunks of cereal leaked out of the newspaper and fell in-between the couch cushions.

"Oops," said Raven. "I forgot I opened those… They were a sample."

"Ah," said Robin. After brushings some loose bits of marshmallow off of his **_SPANDEX TIGHTS_**, he noticed what Raven was looking at.

_RAVEN: A SUPERHERO OR PORN STAR?_

"Look at the picture!" said Raven. "I'm so freaking fat!"

Indeed, she was freaking fat. Robin then suddenly realized that Raven had been referring to the picture. …Now _that _was fat! The picture was that of Raven, an angry look on her face with her palm reaching out. Apparently, she was trying to push the camera away from her face.

"Read the article," said Raven.

As Robin's freaky nonexistent pupils ran over the print, he suddenly understood why Raven seemed to be so mad at the changeling.

_On September 5, Raven and fellow companions, Beast Boy and Starfire, were spotted at the mall. Though no autograph signings were held, reporters and fans alike were shocked when they heard the latest gossip._

_"It was so unreal!" says Dr. Keara, a psychiatrist, age ?. "I mean, sure, you'd think that somebody wearing a leotard like that would be a slut, but I didn't actually think the public would find out! I thought I was the only one that knew!"_

_What Dr. Keara (who is now willing to accept the fact that she's not a certified psychiatrist see section 2B) is referring to is that at the mall that very same day, Beast Boy, a partner of Raven's, exclaims that he saw the dark girl nude. As soon as the words escaped his mouth, Raven literally tackled the changeling and began beating him senseless. Starfire, who was standing idly beside her friends at the time, apparently lost interest and went to do something else. _

_"Raven and Beast Boy fight like that all the time at the tower," says Starfire. "The rest of the team and I have grown to ignore it."_

_Many Beast Boy fans began to try to pull Beast Boy away from the wrath of the dark girl, but their attempts failed. Two people were sent to the hospital with minor blood stains. _

_After the fight was broken up by a cockroach that had crawled up Raven's leg and distracted her, many people began to disperse. A couple of people thought that the fight was an act and gave the two Titans a total of fifty dollars and billiards balls. The Titans accepted and refuse to give the money back. _

_Many people would have just left the story there, but your reporters at the Jump City Times decided to investigate on how Beast Boy may have seen Raven nude. Some people at the office suspected that Raven and Beast Boy were secretly married or, perhaps, having a relationship for sex and sex only. Of course, reporters cannot just believe only ideas, so we began to investigate further. We started by looking at different websites on the Internet. _

_One of the websites we found was an interesting one… The name of the website will not be written for copyright reasons. On one section of the website, however, there was a picture of Raven, completely naked and striking a very risqué pose. Of course, it was only a drawing, but this raised suspicions when we noticed that the artist had signed his name at the bottom of the page. The artist was none other than Michael Winston. _

_In case if you don't know who that is, Michael Winston is a famous artist that pays celebrities to pose nude for him so he can sketch them and post them online. Most people do not know that he collects a profit for doing so. Due to the fact that he makes a profit, he is official a pornography producer. _

_So, if Raven had actually posed for Winston, she would be a porn star! Could this be how Beast Boy had seen his companion nude? And what other dark secrets do the Titans have that we might not know about? We plan to investigate. _

"That's a very… um… interesting article," said Robin, handing the paper back to Raven. "You didn't actually pose, did you?"

"Of course not," replied the girl. "Look at the hips. The proportions are all wrong."

Robin looked down and, to his amazement, the picture that had apparently been posted online was included at the bottom of the article. Leaves covered appropriate places… but it was still odd to see one of his friends in such an awkward position. Turning to the hips, he saw that there was nothing out of the ordinary…

Robin looked at the real Raven's hips and studied them. He then turned back to the picture. "No they're not," he said.

"Yes they are. My hips aren't that bony."

Robin observed the picture, observed his friend, then looked back at the picture. "They're not out of…"

"Yes. They are. And that's all that matters."

Raven snatched the article from her friend's hands. She then began to leave, but she didn't have to go much farther until Beast Boy walked into the room.

"I could kill you right now, Beast Boy…" growled Raven.

"Oh…" began the green boy. "You saw it?"

"Yes."

"Oh. Okay."

The two teens stood there; Raven was glaring at Beast Boy while he was trying to look at something other than the girl in front of him. This didn't last a long time, however, due to the fact that Starfire came bursting into the living room.

"I AM AAAAAALL PACKED!" she shouted.

"Good," said Robin from the couch. "We're going to leave at about… two."

Beast Boy and Raven, now undistracted by the sudden intrusion, went back to their awkward moment. Starfire made her way towards Robin and sat next to him.

"By the way," said Starfire. "I noticed that you had not finished packing yet, so I did it for you."

"Um…" began Robin. "Thanks, I guess."

"I have packed your stuffed bear, your blanket, and your bottle of… some kind of… slippery stuff."

"Um…:" said Robin once again. "Thanks."

"No problem! I know how you cannot go without the bottle of slippery stuff, so I bought you another bottle yesterday after our incident at the mall!"

"Really?" asked Robin, perking up. Then, back in a normal state, he said, "Thank you."

"Raven had told me that it was very odd that I would buy something like that, and Beast Boy muttered something, but then I told them it was for you and how you use it everyday and they began to laugh. Why would they laugh, Robin?"

"Oh yeah," said Beast Boy, who had apparently heard Starfire telling her story. "That was funny."

Raven chuckled.

Robin blushed. Then, realizing something, he asked, "How did you know I… had that stuff?"

"Looking through your stuff," replied the Tamaranian. "Why?"

"Just curious," said Robin, feeling no sense of relief. He knew it would be embarrassing if his friends had found out he used some of the most expensive and unusual hair gel around, made from the wackiest stuff, but he just had to have it!

(A/N: That joke doesn't seem like it was very well explained… Ah well.)

"I can't believe you use that stuff," said Beast Boy. "Only freaks use it… Do you know what it's made out of? I mean… _dandelions_? What the crap?"

"They don't use dandelions in that stuff," said Raven, correcting him. "They use daffodils, but not dandelions."

"Same thing."

"It's also got salamander excretion."

"Ha! Yeah, I remember that… And what else? Essence of blister liquid?"

"Disgusting…"

"And pus. Don't forget the pus."

"Ew…"

"And bile."

Raven put a hand over her mouth and left the room.

"You made that up," said Robin.

"Yeah," grinned Beast Boy. "Except the bile thing. That's real."

"There's no bile in it," said Robin. "_Concentrated _bile, but not bile."

It was then that the Titans each went around the tower, doing their own stuff. Robin went to the training room to work on his "oh so cool" kung fu moves, Starfire went to her room to… do something… Beast Boy went to his room and got on AIM, bitching to a girl named dr0pd3adpr3tty about nothing, and Raven came out of the bathroom, fanning the air in front of her nose.

As Raven began to make her way up to her room, Cyborg came up from the garage.

"All set?" asked the robot.

"Almost. I've got a couple of books to pack… You know, so I can read on the way there. Other than that, I'm going to teleport all my stuff to the house, but I think everyone else is ready."

Cyborg nodded and headed up to his room.

The readers, I'm sure, are probably sitting there thinking "What the…". The sentence, of course, could be finished in many ways: "What the hell?", "What the pot?", "What the cracker?", and other stuff. The answer to that question shall now be revealed.

Yes, the cracker. The cracker over there. Behind you.

If you actually turned around… congratulations. You amuse me. If you didn't, good job.

Now then, back to the fic…

It appears that, due to Starfire's sudden wealth (now evenly distributed throughout the team), the Titans decided that they should buy a fancy mansion that didn't fit the styles of any of them. However, they decided that they would make it all fancy for themselves… That is to say, it would be like a custom made model after they moved in.

The mansion itself was in New Port, Rhode Island. As said a couple of times now, it was very fancy; in front of it was a five acre yard, complete with opium pop… uh… rose bushes, a white marble fountain, and yellow tulips surrounding the fountain.

The fountain itself was (that's right… was) a statue of a cupid peeing water. However, the Titans found that way too… disgusting, and decided that it should be removed. The fountain was replaced by another white marble fountain, but this time of a large statue of Buddha (not the fat Chinese Buddha… the original Buddha). The reason why was unknown… But it looked cool, so in it went.

Anyway… Back at the tower, the Titans had just finished loading up their luggage into the T-Car. They were all ready-steady for their long, boring trip from Jump City to New Port!

(A/N: I don't know where Jump City is supposed to be… but in this, it's New York. If someone knows where it's supposed to be, could you tell me?)

"Everyone ready?" asked Cyborg.

"Ready Freddy," creepily said the Titans in unison.

"Then let's go!"

With the power of seven-hundred horses, two mules, a donkey, and a goat, the Titans were off.

* * *

"Let's do it with Robin now! Robin robin bow bobbin. Banana nana fo fobbin. Me my mo mobbin. Robin!"

"Pull the car over," said Raven from the front. "She can fly, for all I care."

"We've only got about ten minutes left," said Cyborg from behind the wheel. "Besides, it's not that bad."

"Let's try… Chuck! Chuck Chuck bo buck. Banana nana fo…"

"Hey Cy," said Beast Boy. "Turn it to the _All Triforce90 _channel."

"I'm trying to concentrate in this traffic right now," said Cyborg, being passed by a SUV with "PARTAY HARDAY!" written on the back window with shoe polish. "Could you do it, Rae?"

"Yeah, yeah," said Raven, grumpily. "What channel is it?"

"98.7."

"What is the _All Triforce90 _channel?" asked Starfire.

"It's a channel that plays only songs some weird nut likes or dances to," said Robin. "It's not that popular, but he plays _some _good stuff… Like this one!"

"_When you're old and your eyes are dim  
__There ain't no old Shep gonna happen again!_"

As if on cue, every singe Titan, except Cyborg, of course, clapped their hands twelve times to the rhythm.

**CLAP CLAP CLAP CLAP! CLAP CLAP! CLAP CLAP CLAP CLAP! CLAP CLAP!**

"_We'll still go walkin' down country lanes  
__I'll sing a simple song  
__Hear me call your name!_"

**CLAP CLAP CLAP CLAP! CLAP CLAP! CLAP CLAP CLAP CLAP! CLAP CLAP!**

The Titans then all shouted "STRIDER!"

"That's such a great song…" said Raven. "Too bad we missed all of it."

"You're listening to the _All Triforce90_ channel," said a voice on the radio. "Songs that don't suck… too much."

"_EVERYBODY DANCE NOW!_"

"Oh!" said Starfire, clapping her hands. "It is my song!"

"Oh God…" said Beast Boy. "Please don't bring that up…"

"What are you talking about?" asked Cyborg from the front of the car.

"When you were sick that one time," said Raven, "you went to bed, and for the rest of the night we didn't have much to do. Well, one of us… I forgot who, had the crazy idea that we should go to a club. Well, that was a bad idea to begin with, but we were bored out of our minds any…"

* * *

"Are you sure this is the right place?" asked Raven, pulling into a parking space.

"Absolutely" said Beast Boy.

"It is rather… freaky."

"There's nothing to be worried about," said Beast Boy.

"I dunno," said Robin. "It looks like some pretty messed up people would be here."

"Ah, that's just because we're parked next to this truck with a body that's way too high off its tires."

"It looks like it's supposed to be that way," said Raven, getting out of the car, "since it's a monster truck, and all."

The four began to make their way up to the club's entrance. Beast Boy was walking quite boldly for such a place… It was obvious he had been here once or twice. Robin seemed to look like he was on his guard while Starfire kept a good two inches behind him, somewhat afraid. Raven, on the other hand, was far ahead of the others and didn't really seem to care about what might lie ahead of her.

"It's… a strip club?"

Raven stopped dead in her tracks as soon as she took one step inside the building. The other Titans, not expecting her to stop so abruptly, lightly bumped into her.

The place was jam-packed with a large amount of men; big men, short men, thin men, fat men, nerdy men who couldn't get a date, macho man that probably have herpes and have passed it around to five different girls… the list went on and on.

"I thought you said this was a friendly environment," said Robin.

"Hey hottie," said a random chick that came up to Robin. "Do you have any more room in your tights?"

"Holy…" began Raven.

"Go away, Trisha," said Beast Boy, brushing the girl off Robin. "I've got to show these people around." Beast Boy made a gesture to the other three.

Trisha pouted her lips and walked away.

"I never did like her… Anyways, you guys go do something."

"Question," said Starfire.

Beast Boy motioned for her to continue.

"I thought you said we could get refreshments… Where do we get them and how?"

"Over at the bar." Beast Boy pointed to a large bar surrounded by many people. "You guys have fun now. I'm off to… roam."

"I thought you were going to show us around," said Robin as Raven and Starfire headed over to the bar.

"That was just to get away from Trisha… If you really need a guide, the place isn't that big at all. I'm sure you could find you're way around alright." And with that, Beast Boy was off.

Over at the bar, Raven and Starfire began to look for a seat. This was not easy, however, because it was swarmed by men of all shapes and sizes. Most of them appeared to be bikers with excruciatingly bad body odor, but they managed.

"Shall we sit here?"

Raven saw Starfire gesture to two empty seats. She nodded and the girls sat down.

"Can I get you something?" asked the bar tender. "Beer? Whiskey? Rum?"

"Apple juice, please," said Starfire.

"Tea."

"Um..." began the bar tender. "I'm not sure we have either of that stuff… Could I get you something else?"

"Grape juice."

"Apple cider."

"Sorry, but I don't think we have that stuff, either…" The bar tender looked sad for the girls. He then beamed, however, and said, "Since we can't seem to get anything for you girls, how about I give each of you a free shot of vodka?"

"OK."

"Sure."

The bar tender smiled and turned to prepare the drinks.

Meanwhile, the girls turned around in their chairs and observed the people in front of them. It was the same crowd as they had entered… No one appeared to have left the building. Beast Boy could be seen way in the back, talking to a group of girls with way too much makeup and little clothing. To their surprise, however, they didn't seem to be talking dirty… In fact, if they focused hard enough (and with the help of their awesome inhuman hearing), they could actually hear the conversation.

"You're absolutely wrong, Bernice," said Beast Boy to a brown-haired girl. "CNN is not better than FOX. FOX pwns all."

"You are, like, such a sleaze!" said Bernice. "CNN is teh awesome, baby!"

"You're, like, both high," said a blonde-haired girl. "I mean… Oh my gawd. It's so obvious! CBS is the best!"

"No way Girlfriend!" said a redhead. "NBC could go over to any of those stations and give them a spankin'! Like this!" The redhead smacked herself on the behind.

"Get outta here, foo'!" said a black girl, doing a Z-Snap. "The Weather Channel is bitchin'!"

The five began to fiercely argue with themselves. Just when the fight was getting extremely good, the bar tender gave them their drinks.

(A/N: I would just like to say that I am not racist in any way, despite of what you might think from reading that thing above. Thank you.)

Meanwhile, Robin didn't seem to be having as good of a time…

"No way! He's mine!"

"No! I saw him first!"

"But he likes me better! Don't you?"

Robin shrugged.

"He's obviously confused as to who to pick… Come on, Boy! Pick me!"

"No! Pick me!"

"Maybe he doesn't swing that way," said a man that came up to the arguing hookers.

Robin ran away… Far, _far _away.

"Good grief…" said Robin, panting for air as he slowed down, far away from the two girls and guy. "What is wrong with these people?"

"HIYA, ROBBY!"

Robin looked to his right and dropped his jaw.

"Starfire?"

"She had a little too much to drink," said Raven.

Starfire looked terrible… Her cheeks and nose were cherry red, her eyes were bloodshot, and her hair was a mess. She had her arms over Raven's shoulders, who seemed to be struggling to hold the girl up. Starfire's knees, however, were wobbling, despite the support from her friend.

"Are you okay?" asked Robin, his concern taking over. "Do you need to lie down?"

"Don't be… silly!" said Starfire, pointing a finger at Robin. "I'm fine! But man, I don't know **WHAT **they put in that… that… that vodka ssssstuff, but it makes you feel grrrreat!"

Beast Boy walked up to his friends. "What's wrong with her?" he asked, pointing to Starfire.

"**NOTHING'S WRONG WITH ME**!" shouted Starfire. "**NOW GET**…" Starfire was interrupted, for she had taken her arm off of Raven and had begun to fall down.

"Whoa ho ho ho!" she said as she grabbed onto Robin's shoulders. "Save me, Robby Poo!"

"This is just too funny…" said Raven to Beast Boy. "I have to go get my camera from the car."

"Ooooh nope, nope, nope nope nope!" said Starfire, grabbing onto Raven. Then, grabbing Beast Boy, she began to squeeze all three of them in a group hug. "I want aaaaall my friends to be with me!"

It was then that the room began to get darker. Several strobe lights came on and girls in sexy g-string underwear began to come out and dance erotically.

"Yes, yes," said Raven, shoving a dollar into the g-string of a girl that came up and started dancing next to her. "Move along, now."

On a stage behind the four, several other girls were pole dancing. In desperate attempts to look seductive, they moved up and down, getting the occasional hoots and hollers from a male from the audience.

"THOSE GIRLS ARE DOING IT ALL WRONG!" said Starfire. To the horror of the other Titans, she climbed onto the top of the stage made her way over to a microphone.

"Atten… Attention!" shouted the Tamaranian.

The girls stopped dancing and collecting money… The guys stopped hooting and hollering.

"Yeah. Yeah, my name's Starfire, and I would just like to say that… that uh… that… that **YOU GUYS SUCK! **Yeah… Yeah, that's right! Ha! You didn't expect me to say that now, did you? Nope… Nope, nope nope nope! So I'm going to… uh… ugh… show you how to do it! OK? Yeah! Yeah, you **better **like it!"

Starfire lazily motioned to turn on some music.

"_EVERYBODY DANCE NOW!_"

Guitar chords rang throughout the building and, as soon as they started, Starfire seemed to have lost all signs of being inebriated. She looked out into the audience in a fierce way, then turned to the left and looked at them again. She then gripped her hands into a fist and stuck her butt out. She then mouthed the lyrics.

"_EVERYBODY DANCE NOW_!"

The classic dance song began to play even louder as Starfire grabbed onto the pole and slid down. As she slid up, and began to wrap her left leg and the pole, closing her eyes, and making a sexy face. Men began to cheer. Robin and Beast Boy, in the crowd, stared up in amazement. Raven looked like she was going to hurl.

"_GIVE ME THE MUSIC!  
__GIVE ME THE MUSIC!  
__GIVE ME THE MUSIC!_

_EVERYBODY DANCE NOW!_

_YEAH…  
__YEAH…  
__YEAH…_

_EVERYBODY…_

_Here is the doe  
__backed with the bass  
__The jam is in live effect  
__And I don't waste time  
__Or the mike if it don't rhyme  
__  
Jump to the rhythm  
__Jump jump to the rhythm  
__Jump!_"

"Oh… Oh man…" said Starfire, suddenly clutching her stomach. She then turned around and threw up.

* * *

"I'm… uh… sorry I wasn't there," said Cyborg, trying his hardest to keep a straight face.

"Overall, it was quite a good experience," said Starfire. "I made a new friend named Shaniqua… She said I was 'where it's at'."

The Titans rolled their eyes as they pulled into Autumn Land, their new neighborhood.

A repetitive hip-hop beat came on the radio.

"_Take the base line out.  
__No? You don't have to.  
__Bounce with it._

_IT'S A HARD-KNOCK LIFE  
__FOR US!  
__IT'S A HARD-KNOCK LIFE  
__FOR US!_

_Steada' treated!  
__WE GET TRICKED!  
__Steada' kisses!  
__WE GET KICKED!_

_IT'S A HARD-KNOCK LIFE!_"

* * *

So messed up… I was going to add on to the chapter, but it was going to be way too long. Hope you don't mind. Leave a shiny Review, please! 


	3. Strawberry Fields

A/N: Hello all. Welcome to the new chapter! I would just like to say that there's a bad-ass hurricane heading my way, so if you don't hear from me in a long while, I may be dead (SPIDERSQUIRREL STOP CRYING!). Probably not though, because it keeps going more and more to the east. I just hope we get some rain out of it, because it hasn't rained here in three months… It's so sad! (cries)

Anyways, I've been given the brilliant idea by TitanGhostto give Review responses in the form of a Review. To see them, just look at the Review page.

I would also like to point out that no one gets a cookie, due to the fact none of you guessed _The Odyssey _(SpiderSquirrel you don't count, because you keep crying!). I would also like to say that there was originally an asterisk in the paragraph, but FF.N took it out. That would've made it a lot more specific as to what I was hinting.

And to A True Teen Titan Geek, I responded to your Review in the form of a separate Review than that of the Review responses. Please check it out.

Enjoy the new chapter.

* * *

"This song is getting on my nerves."

Raven's head was lying against a window, a portion of it fogged from her continuous breathing.

_Number nine. Number nine. Number nine. Number nine. Number nine…_

"Then for Pete's sake, turn the radio off!" said Cyborg, getting frustrated from having to constantly turn either left or right.

"No!" said Beast Boy. "This is one of the best songs ever!"

_Number nine. Number nine.  
__I sustained nothing worse than (…)  
__Also, for example  
__Whatever you're doing  
__A business deal falls through._

(A/N: If you know what song this is, tell me and you get a Triforce90 Cookie!)

Raven reached forward and turned the radio off, causing the song to stop. Beast Boy leaned forward and turned it back on. Again, Raven turned it off, and Beast Boy turned it on.

"Just leave it off, BB," said Cyborg. "We've only got like… a minute left."

"How big is this neighborhood, anyway?" asked Robin.

"We're not in the neighborhood," said Raven. "We're on our driveway."

"I feel like I must go to the bathroom," said Starfire, crossing her legs.

"Just hold it. It won't take much longer."

"I am feeling a piercing pain."

Just after she said this, the Titans could see the large statue of Buddha they had just installed.

"I have to go now…"

"Just hold it a little longer," said Cyborg, who was beginning to sweat above his eyebrows. "Try not to think about it."

_Whiz._

"GAH!" shouted Cyborg.

"Wow," said Raven. "Didn't see that coming."

Starfire blushed, then looked down at herself. "I did not get it on the seat," she said, hoping to cheer her friend up.

Cyborg responded by leaning forward, both hands on the wheel and eyes narrowed.

For the remaining fifteen seconds of the trip, the Titans were silent. The car stopped in front of the house, giving the Titans a cue that they could pile out. An old man in a suit stood in front of the mansion's front door.

"Welcome to Strawberry Fields!" said the old man as the Titans approached. "I am Winston the Fourth, your butler, and… What's that smell?"

Beast Boy, Raven, Cyborg, and Robin all looked at Starfire, who blushed and looked downward.

"Hmm…" said Winston, not necessarily understanding what was going on. "Anyway, may Winston help the new masters with their things?"

"No thanks," said Robin, not taking his eyes off Starfire. "We'll get it later."

Winston bowed and stepped aside, revealing a full image of the front door to the Titans. The five of them stood there for awhile, not necessarily understanding what they were supposed to do.

"That's a very lovely door," said Beast Boy, feeling extremely awkward.

"Yes!" said Winston, nodding. "And it is now Master's!"

"Wonderful," said Raven, rolling her eyes. "Beast Boy gets a door. I'm jealous."

Winston laughed. "Mistress has a good since of humor, she does!"

The Titans all raised an eyebrow as Winston turned to open the door. As he walked inside, the Titans followed.

The inside of the mansion was just as fabulous as the outside. The entry's floor was covered with a deep red carpet. White walls covered the sides, with several large windows and a glass door that led to a walled-in pool. Near the back of the room was a staircase that branched to the left and right.

"It's so amazing…" said Starfire, looking up at the high-rise ceiling and twirling around.

"The mansion was built in 1948 for Henry VIII, a big-time newspaper publisher," said Winston, looking around as well. "He died in 1979, he did. Winston has been the butler since 1956."

"Now that we think about it," said Robin, looking around. "I doubt we'll actually need you. We can probably take care of ourselves."

Cyborg nodded. "We've been doing it for a long time."

Winston shrieked, got on his knees, and made his way towards Robin. Grabbing his hands, he looked up at Robin's eyes.

"Please don't let me go, Masters!" said the old butler. "Winston has always loved being a butler here! The new masters may fire me, but Winston will keep this mansion in tiptop shape either way until he dies!"

"I like this guy," said Beast Boy, smiling.

Robin glanced at Beast Boy, then looked down at the butler. He looked to be too old to be doing… whatever he did, but if it meant that much to him…

"Alright," said Robin, shrugging. "You can stay. Just don't expect us to make you do everything."

"Oh, thank you!" said Winton, shaking Robin's hand. "Master is too kind!"

"I'm kind too, Winston!" said Beast Boy, smiling. "You know how you love to do work so much?"

Winston smiled.

"Go get me some water, please."

Winston bowed and scurried out of the room.

"Heh. I love it here."

* * *

"Here we have the ballroom," said Winton, opening two large oak doors. "Master Henry loved dancing very, very much."

The Titans smiled as they entered the room and looked around. It was very large, of course, and had a white marble floor. Three gold and very large chandeliers hang high over the floor, giving the room plenty of light.

"Master Henry held balls every week, so the floor was polished and cleaned regularly. The mansion still has a cleaning staff that comes by every weekend, but Winston believes they've lost their touch since Master Henry died, he does."

"Oooh," said Starfire, who had long since changed out of her ruined skirt. "What's that?"

Winston looked over to the direction she was pointing to see a large, oak rising in the back of the room.

"That is the band stand. Do my young masters love music?"

"Some," said Raven, shrugging.

"Well, Winston guarantees that his masters will love this music. The mansion's staff plays the instruments. Winston plays the trombone."

"Trombones are awesome!" said Beast Boy, grinning.

"Winston is thrilled that Master likes them!" said Winston, beaming. "The new masters should hold a ball, yes?"

"Maybe later," said Robin. "Could you show us the rest of the house?"

"Of course, young master!" said Winston. "Come! Come!"

Winston scurried out of the ballroom, followed by the Titans. The six went up the large flight of stairs and to the right, which bore a very long and narrow hallway. Doors were littered on the left and right walls, while a spiraling staircase stood near the back.

"The staircase at the end of the hall leads to the masters' bedrooms," said Winston, making his way to a door on the right. "The master bathroom is also located up there."

Winston opened the door to reveal a room with a very calm atmosphere.

"This is the lounge," he said as he and the Titans entered. "Master Henry was a big lover of games of allsorts. He often played billiards."

The Titans looked and discovered two green-felted billiards tables. The balls were already racked and set in place, and the cues were all chalked.

"Master was also a big collector of wine."

The Titans turned and saw a large, oak bar with many bottles in a rack behind it.

"Good grief," said Cyborg, looking at the bottles. "How many more bottles do you have?"

"Master Henry had a cellar full!" said Winston. "Do the new masters like their wine?"

"After several glasses full, I'm sure we will," said Raven, remembering Starfire's experience.

The six finished looking at the lounge and turned to leave, eager to explore the rest of the mansion. They looked at a library, in which Raven nearly peed herself, a "small" restroom, a drawing room, and an observatory. This took about fifteen minutes, and after so, the six left the right-hand side of the mansion and made their way to the left.

"In this room," said Winston, pointing to a door, "there is a home theater with a large projection screen. Master Henry loved his movies."

"Master Henry loved everything," said Raven, remembering the large variety of books in the library.

The six continued down the empty hallway, until Winston broke the silence.

"Over on this side there is the dining room, and there on that side there is a tea room. There's also a guest room."

The six turned a corner and, to their surprise, saw two twin girls standing in the middle of the new hallway.

"Come play with us, Winston," they both said in creepy unison. "Forever and ever and ever."

"Winston is sorry," said Winston, "But he must show his new masters around the house."

The two girls frowned and looked rejected, then disappeared.

"Who were they?" asked Robin.

"Winston does not know."

The new hallway was very short, much unlike the previous one. There was only one door, and that was the very end.

"Behind this door," said Winston as he made his way over, "is the indoor pool."

"There's another pool?" asked Starfire.

"Certainly! It isn't as large as the pool outside, but it is still comfortable."

The door was opened to reveal a large, rectangular pool. A lap pool, obviously.

"It's ten feet deep throughout," said Winston. "Above is the diving platform."

The Titans all looked up to see a small balcony with a section jutting out. The platform itself seemed to be ten feet over the water's surface.

After a couple of minutes of looking around, the Titans made their leave with their new butler. He stopped, however, when he came across a large panel in one of the many walls.

"Oh! Masters!" he said. "This is the laundry shoot! Master Henry loved to jump into this and drop down! Like so!"

Winston opened the shoot and jumped in. The word _WHEE _echoed through the tunnel.

"DUDE!" shouted Beast Boy, laughing. "This guy ROCKS!"

"So says you," said Raven, looking into the laundry shoot. "There wasn't anything down there to break his fall."

The Titans stood in silence.

* * *

"So he broke his leg?"

Raven shot the cue ball and nodded. "The nurse said he'll be able to work again in a month."

It had been two hours since the incident with Winston. The Titans had each gone to explore the mansion some more and check out their new rooms, which were just as nice, if not nicer, as their rooms at the tower. Raven and Beast Boy were currently in a heated match of 8-ball, trying to do something together in every room.

"Corner pocket," said Raven, pointing her cue to the left corner pocket.

"There is no way you'll make that," said Beast Boy, raising an eyebrow.

Raven shot the cue ball into the black "eight" ball, which went into the corner pocket.

"I hate you," said Beast Boy.

"Thanks."

The two Titans put their cues up and left the lounge.

"Wanna go take a walk around the backyard or something?"

"Sure. We can run on the track."

The two Titans made their way to the entry. As soon as they set their foot on the red carpet, the doorbell rang.

"I'll get it," said Raven.

Raven made her way over to the door and opened it, revealing two older people, a male and female. The female was dressed in a purple dress with a fur stole behind her neck and over her shoulders. She had a long pearl necklace and a purse that matched her dress. She was also very, very thin.

The man was dressed in a black suit with a red tie, which was tucked under his black jacket. He, unlike the woman, was very fat and wore a monocle.

"Hello!" chimed the lady, looking at Raven and Beast Boy, who had appeared next to her. "I am Martha, and this is my husband Andrew. We live in Evergreen just next door and wanted to come by and welcome you to the neighborhood!"

"Thanks," said Raven, gritting her teeth and smiling an obviously fake smile. "That's really nice of you."

"Just next door?" asked Beast Boy. "As in two miles away?"

"Five, Deary," said Martha. "Don't worry, though. We don't mind the drive."

Andrew, on the other hand, seemed to scoff to himself.

"So, may I ask who you are?" asked Martha, holding her handbag with both of her hands now.

"I'm Garfield," said Beast Boy, realizing how weird it would seem if he said his nickname instead, "and this is my girlfriend, Raven."

Raven quickly shot a glance at Beast Boy.

"Oh, how adorable!" said Martha, beaming. "So the two of you bought this house together?"

Beast Boy smiled. "Yeah! We're just settling in."

"What the…"

Raven was interrupted when she got a sharp kick in her shin.

"Is she alright?" asked Martha, noticing Raven's sudden drop in height as she crouched down.

"Yeah, I'm fine," said Raven, grabbing her shin. "Just a little cramp, that's all."

"Well, let me congratulate you two for buying this house," said Martha, leaving her concern for Raven behind. "Andrew and I had our eyes on Strawberry Fields _forever_!"

(A/N: I'm wondering how many people are going to get the joke in that paragraph…)

"Yes," said Andrew, shifting his monocle. "The property is gorgeous. How did you ever scrape up the money?"

"We won the lottery," said Raven, nodding.

"The lottery?" asked Martha. Turning to Andrew, she asked, "What's the lottery?"

Andrew shrugged.

"Well, anyway," began Martha. "Would the two of you like to join us for dinner?"

"Sure," said Beast Boy. "That sounds great."

Raven nodded.

"Marvelous! How about we go to _Anthony's_? The food there is explicit!"

"Sounds good," said Raven. "What do they have?"

"Everything, Dear! How about tonight at six?"

"Sounds…"

"We'll see you tonight, then!"

And with that, Martha and Andrew walked away from the door and towards a black limousine. A chauffer opened a door and the two of them climbed in. The chauffer got in the driver's seat and drove away.

Raven waved goodbye, then closed the front door. She then turned around and glared at Beast Boy, arms crossed and a frown on her face.

"Your girlfriend?" asked Raven.

"Well, come on!" said Beast Boy. "Think about it! What would they say if I told them that we were just friends living in the same house? If I told her we were going out, it wouldn't look as awkward!"

"You could've told them you were gay."

"But am I?"

"Am I your girlfriend?"

"No…"

Raven dropkicked the changeling in the groin, causing him to bend over in pain.

"Enjoy."

* * *

Beast Boy sat in the entry, hands behind his back and rocking back in forth. He was dressed up in a black, collared long-sleeve shirt (with shiny black buttons) and black pants and a red tie. He would look quite nice if he combed his hair.

Raven came down the stairs in a black evening gown, wanting to show no signs of elegancy and class whatsoever.

"These heels are killing me," said Raven as she quickly walked forward, being careful not to stumble.

"I would guess so," said Beast Boy. "You look very nice tonight."

"Go to Hell."

"I know this may seem awkward, but I bought you a corsage."

Beast Boy pulled out a white corsage. Raven raised an eyebrow.

"…Why?"

"I dunno. It looks good."

"This isn't Homecoming. It's a dinner."

"Maybe you should wear it anyway."

Raven sighed and hastily put it on.

"There. Now can we please leave?"

"Sure."

The two Titans went outside and made their way towards the T-Car. Raven got into the driver's seat and turned the car on.

The two drove in silence. Beast Boy was afraid to speak, and Raven was concentrating on driving. It was a very awkward moment, but they still had to show up for dinner.

Fifteen minutes of silence later, the Titans arrived.

"This place looks great!" said Beast Boy, getting out of the car and standing in awe.

"It should be," said Raven, getting out and closing the door. "It's extremely expensive. You're paying for everything, by the way."

Beast Boy looked at the empath.

"Couldn't we just pay for our own stuff?"

"Well, we could, but I'm your _girlfriend_, remember?"

Raven began to walk towards the entrance. Beast Boy caught up shortly after, and the two walked inside. It was very dark and cozy, and it looked like the only lights in the place were coming from candles.

"Welcome to _Anthony's_," said a male voice from behind a podium. Beast Boy looked at the man and smiled.

"Thanks. We're here to meet with some people."

"Very well. Are you, perhaps, with Mr. and Mrs. Andrew Lock?"

Raven looked at Beast Boy. "I guess that would be them…"

"Very well," said the man. "Please follow me."

The man began to briskly walk towards the back of the restaurant with Beast Boy and Raven closely behind. Soon enough, the two teens could easily make out the portly figure of Andrew and the frail, thin figure of Martha.

"Ah!" came Martha's voice. "There you are!"

The man stood aside and gave the two full access to two empty seats. Beast Boy and Raven sat down, and Martha took her purple purse off of the table.

"What do you think?" asked Martha, pointing towards herself. "Isn't it just _marvelous_?"

Beast Boy and Raven looked towards the direction she was pointing to see that she was wearing a different stole than the one she had on before.

"It's very nice," said Raven, eyeing the stole. "Where did you get it?"

"Andrew bought it for me this afternoon," said Martha, putting a hand on Andrew's arm. "He said he wouldn't allow me to go without it."

"Only the best for you," said Andrew, patting his wife's hand.

Raven shifted in her seat, pursed her lips, and then looked at Beast Boy. "Um… Honey…" Raven seemed to grimace in disgust. "Why don't you ever buy me something like that?"

"Because you're too beautiful to need one," said Beast Boy, pinching Raven's cheek.

"Aw…" said Martha, grinning. "That's so sweet! How long have you two been together?"

"Jeeze, how long has it been now?" asked Beast Boy, looking at Raven for ideas.

"I don't know… Maybe a year?"

"Wonderful!"

A waiter came over to their table and pulled out a tablet.

"May I start you off with something to drink?"

"Ah," said Martha, looking at her menu. "I think I will have a… glass of your white wine, please."

"Oh no, Mrs. Lock," said Beast Boy. "Please, let me treat the two of you to a glass of their best champagne."

"Are you sure, Dear?" asked Martha. "We don't want to trouble you."

"No, it's fine!" Looking at the waiter, Beast Boy said "Four glasses of your best champagne, please."

"What are we celebrating?" asked the waiter, writing their order on the tablet.

"Um…" began Raven. "Well, we bought a new house. And Mrs. Lock got a new stole."

Martha beamed and looked at the waiter, who smiled faintly and nodded. Reassuring the four that he would be right back with their drinks, he walked away.

"Andrew and I were just discussing, Dearies," began Martha, "about the poor souls in Houston right now that have had to evacuate from New Orleans because of the hurricane."

"Poor souls!" scoffed Andrew. "I've never seen such riffraff before!"

"I'm sorry, Dearies," said Martha once again. "It wasn't much of a discussion. More like an argument."

"Yes…" Andrew looked at Beast Boy. "Tell me, Lad, what do you think of these people?"

Beast Boy, who had been reaching towards the center of the table to get a biscuit, looked up at Andrew in surprise. "Well, uh…" he began. "I certainly feel sorry for them."

"Hmph! I've never heard such a thing. Those people should've been left behind!"

"Dear…"

"Seriously! Such riffraff shouldn't be allowed to roam the streets!"

"They're still people, though," said Beast Boy, who had opened his biscuit and was now buttering it.

"I agree with you," said Martha. "They should be given another chance. Tell me, Dear," she looked towards Raven, "what do you think?"

"I think that we're showing too much coverage," said Raven, buttering a biscuit as well and not looking at Martha. "It's happened. It's over. It's done. People are safe in Houston, and that's the only thing that matters. End of story."

Martha lightly smiled at Raven while she took a large bite out of her biscuit and nodded. "Good."

The waiter came back to their table with four wine glasses full of Bubbly. After setting them down, he left as quickly as he came.

"My," said Martha after taking a drink. "This is the best champagne I've ever tasted."

Raven smirked. "It should be. It's 430 dollars a bottle."

Beast Boy, who had put a mouthful of champagne in his mouth, spewed it all out. Unfortunately, he did so into Martha.

"OH!" she shouted, standing up and dripping wet with champagne.

"OH DUDE!" shouted Beast Boy. "I'M SO SORRY!"

"Martha!" said Andrew. "Are you alright, Dear?"

"HE GOT MY STOLE WET!"

"Oh man…" began Raven, smiling faintly.

"Mrs. Lock, I'm so sorry!"

"YOU RUINED MY STOLE!"

"I didn't mean to!" Beast Boy reached forward with a napkin and attempted to dry Martha's face off. "Here, let me…"

"GET AWAY FROM ME, YOU UNCIVILIZED… **ROGUE**!"

"Ooo…" began Raven.

Andrew grabbed his wife's arm and began to lead her away from the table, leaving Beast Boy and Raven to sit there in silence.

"Let's go."

"Right."

And with that, the two teens got up and left.

* * *

Reviews are good. You wouldn't want me to possibly die unhappy, would you? 


	4. Footloose and Fancy Free

A/N: Hey all. Luckily, we didn't get hit too badly. And I got _The White Album_, so that's good!

Enjoy this new chapter. Keep in mind that I don't support fluff, even though there may be hints in this chapter and, of course, one downright ridicerous scene. Those of you that know me well enough should know that any fluff in this chapter will blow up. Something tells me that made no sense whatsoever…

Ah well. Best see for yourselves, hmm?

Oh. Yes. And the song from Chapter 3 (the one where you had to guess to get a Triforce90 Cookie) was _Revolution 9_. Nobody got a cookie. Well… SpiderSquirrel kinda did, but she never left a Review, so no cookie for her!

Check the Review page for Review Responses. Thanks.

* * *

Starfire, Robin, and Cyborg were all sitting on their new L-shaped couch, watching their new large plasma TV. They were watching a very interesting show… Actually, it wasn't that interesting at all. The two men (PFFFT! XP) had agreed to let Starfire choose which program they should watch and, of course, Starfire chose a documentary on one of the most amazing yet boring subjects in the history of mankind.

"Oh!" said Starfire as she clasped her hands together. "Please say that the salmon will make it upstream to spawn!"

Cyborg and Robin just sat there and watched the TV, not really giving a rat's ass if the fish would make it or not.

"_Unfortunately, many of the salmon are killed when bears catch them in their mouths and eat them._"

Robin and Cyborg's eyes widened when they saw the white foam of the raging stream suddenly turn red.

"Wow," said Cyborg. "That's very… um… interesting."

"_However, some salmon make it past the bears and continue on with their mating rituals._"

"Rituals…?" asked Robin, raising an eyebrow.

Starfire sighed in sadness when the narrator of the documentary announced that they would be right back after messages from their sponsors.

"_Comet! It makes your face turn blue!  
__Comet! It makes your sink turn green!_"

Starfire, Robin, and Cyborg moved their heads side to side and began to sing along with the cheery commercial.

"_Comet! It makes you vomit!  
__So buy some Comet  
__And vomit  
__Today!_"

"I'll be right back," said Cyborg, getting up from his seat and grabbing an empty glass. "I'm just going to go get some more OJ."

Before Cyborg could even take a step, the sound of a speeding wheelchair could be heard.

"Oh no…" said Starfire. "Not again."

Faster than a speeding bullet, Winston came rolling into the room and skid to a halt, stopping right in front of Cyborg.

"Master wishes for a refill of orange juice," said Winston, grabbing the glass from Cyborg's hands. "Winston shall go get it, yes."

"No. That's OK," said Cyborg, taking the glass back. "I can get it myself."

"But Winston wishes to help Master," said Winston, taking the glass back.

Cyborg sighed and shrugged his shoulders. "Alright."

Winston shrieked in delight and zoomed out of the room, leaving the wonderful smell of burning rubber behind.

"You probably should not have let him do that, Cyborg," said Starfire, peering over the couch. "He may injure himself further."

"True," said Cyborg, sitting back down and gluing his eyes to the nature program. "But he's been working hard lately, anyways. It's almost like he's planning something."

"That's because he is," said a voice from behind them.

The three on the couch turned around to see Raven, eyes watching flopping salmon.

"How long have you been standing there?" asked Robin.

"Since this chapter started. Triforce90 didn't want to be like other people and say that I heard you as I was walking into the room, so… here I am."

"I believe we would've noticed you," said Cyborg.

Robin and Starfire looked at robot and said, in unison, "No. You wouldn't."

Cyborg shrugged and looked back up at Raven. "So… You say he's planning something?"

"Oh yeah," said Raven. "Something big."

"What is it?" asked Starfire, eyes growing wide with interest.

"He's throwing a welcoming party for us," said Raven. "That's why there's a bunch of tables and punch bowls set up."

"Is _that _what those are for?" asked Robin. "I've been wondering about them…"

"Yeah," said Raven, eyeing Robin with concern. "And that's not all. He's invited the whole neighborhood… And the party's a ball. That's why everything's in the ballroom."

"_That's _why they're in there?" asked Robin. "I've been wondering about that as well… Of course! Elementary, my dear Raven!"

(A/N: Tell me what famous literary character says that and you get a Triforce90 Cookie!)

As Raven once again eyed Robin, Winston wheeled himself into the room with a tall glass of orange juice.

"Master's orange juice," said Winston, lowering his head and presenting the glass to Cyborg.

"Thank you," said Cyborg, smiling.

"Now," said Winston. "Winston is going to go prepare for the party that the masters are not supposed to know about. If the masters need anything, they should call Winston. Yes they should!"

As Winston zoomed off, Raven looked at the three on the couch. "I don't know how you guys didn't find out about the party," she said. "He's been spilling the beans for the whole month."

"Huh?" asked the three.

Raven sighed.

* * *

"There!" said Starfire, proudly looking at her work. "How does that look, Beast Boy?"

Beast Boy looked over to Starfire and gawked at her creation.

"Um…" said Beast Boy. "It's very pretty."

"Thank you!" said Starfire, looking at her work. "I shall put it… here!"

"I doubt one paper chain is going to draw much attention," said Cyborg, looking at the section of the room Starfire chose to hang her chain.

"I know," said Starfire. "This is my first one out of my thousand!"

Raven walked into the ballroom, saw Starfire's chain, and raised an eyebrow.

"What do you think, Raven?" asked Starfire, putting a finger to her chin and observing her paper chain. "Is it good?"

"Yeah, it's good," said Raven. "But do you really think this is the kind of party to be hanging one of those?"

Starfire looked at Raven, then her chain, then Raven again. "I do not understand."

"You don't really hang decorations at a party like this one," said Raven, taking the chain down. "You just… look pretty and dance."

"I must look pretty?" asked Starfire, giving Raven an inquisitive look. Then, suddenly, she put both hands on her cheeks. "How will I ever decide what to wear?"

"I know what _I'm _wearing!" said Beast Boy, smiling.

"Of course you do," said Cyborg, pretending to lead a girl in a waltz (quite dorkily, I might add). "You _have _to wear a tux or suit."

"Right… That's how I know."

Cyborg waltzed his way over to the changeling. Leaning in and giving him an elbow in the ribs, he muttered, "Do you have a… date?"

"What?" asked Beast Boy, a little louder than necessary. "Of course not!"

"Ha!" said Cyborg. "Loser."

"Yeah," said Beast Boy. "Like _you _do."

"Of course I do!" said Cyborg, stopping his waltz and standing proudly. "I'm irresistible!"

"Oh yeah?" asked Beast Boy, a smug smile appearing on his face. "What's her name?"

"That's unimportant right now!" said Cyborg, brushing the changeling aside.

"You don't have one!" said Beast Boy, laughing.

"I guarantee you I do," said Cyborg, trying to sound classy.

"No you don't."

"Fine then! If you're so sure, how about a little bet?" Cyborg grinned maliciously.

"What's the bet?" asked Beast Boy, gaining a similar grin.

"If you can get a date that looks better than mine, then you win. But, if you don't, you owe me… uh… a thousand bucks."

Beast Boy raised an eyebrow. "A thousand?"

Cyborg nodded.

Beast Boy put a hand to his chin, then smiled. "Alright. Deal."

* * *

Raven walked down the hallway in silence, not exactly in the mood to be with people. She had just found out five minutes ago that replying to the forward she received would _not _make a message pop up on her computer that would make her laugh so hard she would pee herself. And she had sent it to twenty people, too…

(A/N: Don't you just hate those? Ugh…)

"Stupid idiots," mumbled Raven to herself, "sending crap like that to make you… do stuff."

(A/N: She's quite intelligent, isn't she?)

Raven rounded a corner and ran right into Beast Boy.

"Hello," said Beast Boy, meekly.

Raven glared at him. Beast Boy smiled.

"You need a favor… don't you?" asked Raven, giving the changeling a look that would make any five-year old child cry and run for his mommy.

"Yeah," said Beast Boy, putting a hand behind his head, trying to suppress the urge to cry and run to his mommy. "I was just wondering… do you have a date for the party?"

"No," said Raven. "Do you actually think I would take the time to get one?"

Beast Boy stood there in silence.

Raven rolled her eyes and sighed. "No. I wouldn't take the time."

"Oh," said Beast Boy, losing his confusion. "OK."

"Why?" asked Raven. "Were you hoping I wouldn't get to your boyfriend before _you_ did?"

Beast Boy's innocent eyes turned evil as he glared at the girl. "Normally, I wouldn't let that go, but right now I need to get on your good side."

"Just… what do you want?"

"Would you like to go to the party with me?"

Raven lost all signs of anger and stared at the changeling.

"You wouldn't have to do anything," said Beast Boy. "I mean, we don't have to dance or anything. Just as long as we come together I should be OK."

"Well…" Raven looked down. "Alright." Then, looking back at the changeling, she gained her scare-the-five-year-old-child look once again. "But don't try any funny stuff, or I'll **smite** you."

Beast Boy grinned as Raven continued her walk down the hallway. Turning around, he waved after her.

"Thanks!" said Beast Boy, smiling widely. "I owe you! …Bitch."

* * *

Beast Boy walked into the ballroom in his snazzy, great-looking but relatively inexpensive tuxedo and opened his mouth in amazement. As retarded as this may seem, please keep in mind that it's not meant to sound funny.

The room was jam-packed with guests, most of them obese from eating rich foods or overall just had a look on their face that said "Look at me! I'm rich, so I'm automatically better than you, bizzotch!" All the men were dressed in tuxedos, though something about them told Beast Boy that they were owned and not rented like his.

Taking a few steps into the room, he looked around and noticed that a long table of food was being provided by _Anthony's_. The staff of the restaurant was not dressed in uniform, but wore outfits similar to what the guests had on. Had they not been idly standing behind the food like security guards, serving the occasional person, one could easily mistake them for a guest.

Beast Boy made his way over to the corner of the room, not really wanting to be seen by anybody. He couldn't make heads or tails of the place, though he had been in the room many times before while it was empty. It seemed like something totally different now that it was packed with people.

In the back of the room was the large oak stand, but this time it held certain members of the mansion's staff playing various instruments. They all looked very different, being out of their working attire. Many of them were maids, but now instead of holding mops and brooms they held cellos, violins, and flutes. A couple of male servants played trumpets, while Winton could be seen on the far left, blaring his trombone loudly. Together, they produced an elegant tune.

"Hi," came a voice from behind him.

Beast Boy turned around to see Raven, who was wearing a black strapless dress.

"Hey," he said, greeting her back.

"Have you found Cyborg yet?"

"No… No I haven't."

Beast Boy turned around and began to scan the room for the guy, but the large amount of people made him hard to find. He then spotted him in the back of the room, talking to a blonde woman with very round curves.

"I just found him," said Beast Boy, glancing at Raven quickly and then back to Cyborg. "And his blonde chibi."

"_That's_ her?" asked Raven, somewhat startled. "Are you sure?"

"I would guess so," said Beast Boy, observing the woman. "They're talking nonstop."

"That doesn't mean anything…"

"Well, they're coming over here right now. That probably means something, doesn't it?"

Raven didn't respond.

"Hey!" said Cyborg, waving as he and the blonde girl approached. "Where's your date?"

Beast Boy made a small gesture to Raven, who did nothing.

Cyborg's jaw dropped. "Are you kidding?"

"Nope!" said Beast Boy, wrapping his arm around Raven's waist and smiling widely. "She's my main squeeze!"

Raven shot a glare at the changeling.

Cyborg cleared his throat rather loudly. "Well… Yes. This is _my _date, Cameron!"

The blonde girl smiled widely and waved.

"Nice to meet you," said Raven, giving a faint smile. "How long have you two known each other?"

"About a month now," said Cameron, putting her hands on Cyborg's arm and resting her head on his shoulder. "We met at the park, and we've been _inseparable _ever since."

Cyborg smiled as he looked down at Beast Boy. "Ain't she just the sweetest…"

"**CAMERON!**"

The four looked towards the tables in the back of the room, where they could see a very large, scary looking man.

"**YOU STOP FLIRTING WITH THE GUESTS AND GET BACK TO YOUR STATION! THERE ARE HUNGRY MOUTHS TO FEED!**"

Beast Boy and Raven looked at the couple. Cameron and Cyborg were staring at each other.

"Get out of here," said Cyborg, looking down and somewhat embarrassed.

"What about the money?" asked Cameron.

"I'll give you ten."

"You promised twenty."

Cyborg reached into his pocket and pulled out two bills. "Take twenty-five and get."

Cameron accepted the money and ran towards the tables.

Cyborg looked up at the couple in front of him, only to receive odd looks.

"She was a waitress?" asked Raven, raising an eyebrow.

Cyborg bit his lip and gained an angry look on his face. "Alright… Alright… Maybe I can't get a girl. Maybe girls take one look at my body and refuse to go out with me. Well let's admit it though; she still looked better than you!" Cyborg pointed at Raven, then turned around and ran off.

Beast Boy smiled. "Well!" he said, proudly. "I guess I win the bet!" Turning to Raven, he winked. "Thanks a lot, Rae."

"You're main squeeze?" asked Raven, giving Beast Boy an odd look.

Beast Boy didn't respond, as Raven had turned around and walked off.

* * *

Starfire stood at the back of the room, dangerously close to the desert tables. If she could just sneak by and get one more…

"Ma'am," said a waiter, giving Starfire a stern look. "I've told you many times before, you've eaten twelve cinnamon rolls. Eating thirteen would just be… well… stupid. Let the other guest have some."

Starfire snapped out of her lustrous trance and gave the waiter a timid look. "But…" she began.

"I'm sorry, Miss, but you've had enough."

Starfire pouted and walked away.

"No es justo…" said Starfire, her head hanging low and suddenly speaking Spanish, her actual native tongue. "Deben darme más rodillos de cinamomo. ¿Por qué no puedo tener más rodillos de cinamomo¿Por qué?"

Starfire ran into someone, causing her to look up.

"Hello," said Robin, smiling.

"Hello," said Starfire, returning the smile.

Robin bowed low to the ground. "May I have this dance?" he asked, trying to sound suave.

"Yes," said Starfire, doing a curtsy. "It would be my pleasure."

Robin grabbed his friend's (yes, friend's) hand and led her out to the center of the room. He wrapped his arm around her waist, and Starfire wrapped hers around his shoulder. The two began to dance to the song, moving back and forth like all dancing people do.

"Isn't this wonderful?" asked Starfire, doing a twirl as Robin allowed her to do so. "Winston planned all of this for us!"

"It sure is," said Robin as Starfire turned around and pressed her back against his stomach.

"Have you seen the others?" asked Starfire as the two began to move their hips in a circular motion. "The room is so crowded…"

"No, I haven't," said Robin, looking to the right as if hoping to find someone he knew. "I'm sure they're here though. Why wouldn't they be?"

Starfire grinned as the two stopped their circular motion and replaced it with Starfire sliding her back up and down Robin, Robin helping her along.

"Robin," said Starfire as she began to put more rhythm into her slides. "May I ask a question?"

"Sure."

"We are friends and nothing more, correct?"

"Right."

"Then how come we are the only couple dirty dancing while everyone else isn't, even though they are married or undoubtedly going out?"

The two stopped their dance and looked around in confusion.

* * *

Over at the other side of the room, Beast Boy was busy entertaining an old couple he had just become acquainted with.

"As I was saying," said Beast Boy, now holding a cocktail glass and swishing the liquid inside around for a few times, "today's music is just ridiculous. This stuff, and old rock bands, are far better. I mean, seriously! They've got so much more! I mean, yeah, The Beatles have broken up, and Led Zeppelin has broken up, but…" Beast Boy huffed, "in the meantime, Brittany Spears doesn't even _have _a band to fight with!"

The old couple nodded very slowly, obviously not following a word the changeling was saying.

"I mean, I'm sure she has a band… she's got to have _something _to sing to. But how much of that stuff does she actually do herself? Does she even write her own lyrics? And how come you never see the band in any of her photos? I dunno… The point I'm trying to make is that music today sucks!"

The old couple put hands to their mouths and gasped.

"What?" asked Beast Boy, giving them a confused look.

Out of the corner of his eye, Beast Boy saw someone in a black gown dart out of the ballroom and onto the outdoor patio. Beast Boy knew who it was, but there was nothing of importance out there… except the pool, of course. Except why would she… Beast Boy quit thinking to himself. It would just be easier to go out there and see.

"Excuse me," said Beast Boy, moving away from the old couple and towards the backdoor. In less than a minute, television's favorite changeling left the ballroom. So did Beast Boy.

"Who was _that _guy?" asked Beast Boy to himself as he watched someone climb over their fence. Shrugging, Beast Boy scanned the outdoor area and, sure enough, found Raven leaning against a stone rail that surrounded their pool.

"Hey," he said as he made his way over to the empath.

Raven looked at Beast Boy, then stared back down at the water.

"What are you doing out here?" asked Beast Boy, leaning against the rail as well.

Raven said nothing in response, but shrugged.

The two looked at the water's surface for a while until Beast Boy once again broke the silence.

"You know you can talk to me about anything," said Beast Boy, looking at Raven's right cheek.

Raven turned her head and stared at the changeling. Raising an eyebrow, she spoke. "You do know how retarded that sounded, right?"

Beast Boy smiled faintly. "But seriously," he continued, "is there something wrong?"

"No," said Raven, looking back at the water. "Everything's fine. Really."

"No it's not."

"Yes it is."

"No it's not."

"Yes it is."

"No it's not."

"Yes. It is."

Television's favorite couple stood in silence. So did Raven and Beast Boy.

"Who are these people that just keep appearing everywhere?" asked Raven as she eyed the now kissing couple not very far from where they were standing.

"I don't know…" Beast Boy made a face of disgust when he saw them. "But I saw one guy jump over the fence. They're everywhere."

The two stood in silence once again. The two could easily here the band from inside, just now starting to play a new song. You know… the one by Glen Miller.

"Wanna dance?" asked Beast Boy.

Raven turned to look at the changeling once again. "What?" she asked.

"Wanna dance?"

Raven smiled faintly. "Sure."

Beast Boy smiled as he wrapped his arm around his friend's (again, yes, it says "friend's") waist and took her hand in his. Raven smiled faintly as she wrapped her other arm around his shoulder.

"This was so nice of Winston," said Raven, once again looking at the water's surface. "To do all this for us."

"Yeah," said Beast Boy.

Raven stopped dancing, then let go of Beast Boy. Beast Boy stopped as well, looking at Raven in confusion.

"What?" he asked. "No good?"

Raven chuckled lightly. "No," she said. "You're very good. In fact, I'm wondering… do you love me?"

Beast Boy raised an eyebrow. "What?"

Raven looked deep into Beast Boy's large, green eyes. "Do you love me?"

Beast Boy rotated his eyes to the left. "Well, I…" began Beast Boy. "I… uh… What I mean is…"

Raven raised her index finger and placed it on Beast Boy's lips. Smiling faintly, her head began to move closer and closer to his, her eyes becoming slightly shut and her lips beginning to pucker. Beast Boy widened his eyes in amazement, but soon found himself doing the same thing. In less than five seconds, the two pairs of lips were locked together, and the two shared a deep, passionate kiss.

Two seconds later, they parted and spat in disgust.

"**DISGUSTING!**" the two shouted, wiping their arms over their lips.

"**GOOD GRIEF!**" shouted Raven, glaring at the changeling while still wiping over her lips. "**DO YOU BRUSH YOUR TEETH AT _ALL_?**"

"**HEY!**" shouted Beast Boy, spitting on the ground. "**EXCUSE ME FOR NOT BEING ABLE TO KEEP MY BREATH SMELLING LIKE MINT!**"

Raven turned away and retched. "Some vegetarian… Why does your mouth taste like sardines?"

"It's radish!" said Beast Boy, defending himself. "At least _mine_ doesn't taste like socks!"

Raven turned to face Beast Boy again, gasping. "It's _garlic bread_!" she shouted.

Beast Boy retched in disgust. "No wonder why the taste won't go away…"

Raven let out a frustrated sigh and turned on her heel. Beast Boy watched her walk away, then bent over to take a long drink of chlorinated water.

* * *

"Thanks for the gift!" shouted Robin as he waved to the couple. "We'll make good use of it!"

The couple smiled and waved before climbing into their limo. Robin closed the door, then grew an angry face.

"A chauffer?" he asked to himself. "Why do we need a chauffer?"

Robin turned his head to the right to see the chauffer, standing perfectly straight as if waiting for an order.

"You can go, if you want," said Robin, raising an eyebrow.

"Please, allow me to stay, Sir," said the chauffer. "If you give me leave, I would be without a job."

Robin shrugged. "Whatever."

The chauffer smiled. "If you need me, I'll be in my room." He left.

Robin stood there. "What room…?"

* * *

In a very dark, unknown place, two spotlights clicked on to reveal a red curtain. The curtain began to shuffle, and two people came out of the shadows and into the light. It's Raven and Beast Boy!

"Hey guys!" said Raven, smiling. "Thanks for reading the chapter! Hope you liked it!"

"Yeah!" said Beast Boy. "I know _I_ did!"

Raven gave Beast Boy a glance, then looked back towards the audience.

"Anyway," she continued, "we're here to tell you something important. If you don't remember…"

"I don't know how you couldn't," said Beast Boy, cutting off Raven in mid-sentence. "That was probably the _hottest _moment in Rae/BB fluff **evuh**!"

Raven turned her head to the right and looked at the changeling. "Yeah right," she said. "You obviously haven't read many fics."

"No shit," said Beast Boy, putting his hands in his pockets. "That stuff is killer for your brain!"

"Anywho," said Raven, turning her head to face the audience once again. "We'd just like to say that whatever you do, _don't _eat something really pungent if you're at a party or something. You never know when that special someone is going to turn into a wild and crazy beast!"

"I mean," said Beast Boy, laughing, "that person could be the one you could end up marrying! You don't want to screw it all up because your breath tasted like crap, would you?"

"Of course not!" said Raven. "Just remember, eat right, brush your teeth, and don't forget to floss. It's good for you, kids!"

"See you next time!"

Television's favorite couple waved goodbye. So did Raven and Beast Boy.

"**WHO _ARE _YOU?**" shouted the two, looking at the unknown couple.

* * *

Remember to leave a shiny Review! And don't forget to guess the Triforce90 Cookie thing! 


	5. The Influential

A/N: Hello everyone. I'd just like to apologize for not updating recently, and that I'm sorry and all. Really, I was too busy. I'm lucky enough to even be able to write this, with my sister visiting me this weekend.

Secondly, I'd like to say that I'm not going to make Review responses in the form of a Review. I don't really see a point, and I just don't want to. I know that saddens you to _tears_, but don't let it get to you too badly.

* * *

_Partial credit of this chapter goes to TitanGhost and Gwen Stefani_

Jump City had been in for the worst ever since the Teen Titans left their home. Now, with no one there to protect them, villains of the city could now roam free, causing havoc and doing whatever they wanted.

One of these villains included Jinx, a member of Hive Academy and former secretary of Arnold Schwarzenegger. Currently, as she sat on the hood of a taxi cab filing her nails, she couldn't help but wonder what there was to do.

"I am so bored…" she said to herself, watching a nearby building catch fire. "There's nothing to do in this stupid town."

"SOMEBODY SAVE ME!" shouted a man as he ran down the streets, being chased by a glob of purple goo.

"'Afternoon, Plasmus," said Jinx, waving a hand at the purple blob.

The purple blob stopped, grunted, and continued his chase.

Jinx tossed her file away and leaned back against the hot windshield. As her eyes watched the clouds above, she began to take note of what they looked like.

"That looks like a mushroom cloud," said Jinx, pointing to a cloud. "That one looks like Gizmo… dork… And that one looks like…"

A large, mechanical noise echoed throughout the air, causing Jinx to sit up.

"Who…?"

"**SCANNING… SCANNING COMPLETED. SUBJECT NAME: JINX. OCCUPATION IS VILLAIN. MUST BE DESTROYED."**

Jinx turned around to see a large robot, at least twenty feet tall. She raised an eyebrow. "What is this?"

The robot grew a long nose, which narrowed as it got farther and farther from the body. It stopped growing when it's tip was five feet from Jinx, giving the witch something new to look at.

"**TARGET CITED. PREPARING TO FIRE.**"

Jinx stood still, confused beyond belief. "What?"

"**VILLAIN REFUSES TO RUN. REFUSAL WILL TARGET SELF-DESTRUCT IN FIVE SECONDS. FIVE. FOUR. THREE. TWO. ONE.**"

The robot blew up, causing every villain, and citizen, in the city to burn.

* * *

Starfire slowly made her way down the third story hallway. As one foot lifted itself into the air, the other was set down, making a dull "crunch" on the carpet. It was Monday, and that meant that it was time for Raven and Starfire's weekly cleansing of the soul.

The reader may be wondering "yo, wut duh fuk is up wit dis, foo". Well, despite the fact that I'm amazed you can even think (with the exception of a few of you; you know who you are ), I shall enlighten your minds by sharing my knowledge. Starfire, eager to learn about the arts of inner-peace and meditation, took weekly lessons with Raven, who, for a small fee, taught her these things. The Tamaranian, being such a novice, was making quite excellent progress, and Raven a nice sum of money.

Starfire reached her friends door, marked with a carving of a bird. Raising her fist, the alien lightly knocked, receiving a muffled "come in" from the other side.

Starfire gripped her fingers around the doorknob and opened, thus being blasted in the face by the odor of incense and myrrh.

"Welcome, child," said Raven, sitting on a pillow at the end of the room, a lamp sitting in front of her and releasing purple fumes. As Raven sat in her Indian pajamas, a peaceful look on her face, the mesmerizing sound of a sitar bounced throughout the dimly lit room. "Please, take your seat."

Starfire sat on an identical pillow and crossed her legs in tradition yoga. "What are we doing today, Teacher?"

"Today, we are going to learn to become one with our souls, releasing our constraints and performing acts of extreme ghetto dance."

Starfire gave a low whistle.

Raven reached behind her and pulled out a small, rectangular object… an iPod. "Are you ready, child?" she asked.

Starfire nodded.

Raven turned the iPod on, then equipped small speakers to it. Turning up the volume in advance, Raven stood up and motioned for the alien to do so as well. Starfire, eager to see what was going to happen, stood up quickly, and Raven pressed the play button. Loud, hip-hop drumbeats replaced the sitar, and Raven lost all signs of tranquility as she began to dance wildly.

_UH HUH! THIS MY SHIT!  
__ALL THE GIRLS STOMP THEIR FEET LIKE THIS!_

_A FEW TIMES I'VE BEEN AROUND THAT TRACK  
__SO IT'S NOT JUST GONNA HAPPEN LIKE THAT!  
__CAUSE I AIN'T NO HOLLABACK GIRL!  
__I AIN'T NO HOLLABACK GIRL!_

The chorus began to repeat itself, and Starfire widened her eyes in amazement as the empath performed moves that would've made any fanboy have an instant boner. Come on guys. You know you're jealous.

"Feel the rhythm, Starfire," said Raven as she began to give pelvic thrusts and spin in a circle.

"I can feel it!" said Starfire, weakly shaking her hips to the rhythm.

"Yes!" said Raven, noticing Starfire's progress. "But you've still got restraint! Let it all out!"

Starfire, as if a completely different person, began to dance like Raven as the song's hypnotic spell took over her.

(A/N: I swear, that song is by Lucifer _himself_. And yet, even though I loath it, I find myself dancing/grooving/jamming to it whenever it comes on. It possesses you, I say! Possesses!)

Starfire began shaking her hips harder, throwing her arms up into the air and moving her head around, her red hair flying in every direction. Raven was doing the worm, causing her loose fitting pajamas to fly into the air.

_OOOH!  
__This my shit. This my shit. _

_OOOH!  
__This my shit. This my shit. _

_OOOH!  
__This my shit. This my shit. _

Brr. That's what nightmare are made of, kids!

The two girls continued their ghetto dancing, but, alas, all good (or bad) things must come to an end, and the song was over.

Luckily, this happened right before the phone to Raven's room rang, causing the girls to stare at the phone, then at each other.

Raven, beads of sweat beginning to form upon her face, made her way over to the phone and picked up the receiver. "Yo," she said.

_Bzzz bzz bzzzzz bzz._

"Huh?" asked Raven. "Yeah, she's up here… why?"

_Bzz bzzzzz bzzz_.

"You're a sick man."

_Bzz?_

"Just… never mind. We're coming down."

Raven put the receiver back on the phone, turned off her iPod, and motioned for Starfire to follow.

"Who was that?" asked the pupil.

"Robin. He wants up to meet in the lounge."

* * *

Cyborg sat on his wooden barstool, using his feet as force to push him around in circles. As he swiveled, Beast Boy sat on the bar, swinging his legs to an irregular tune, with Winston in the background, scurrying back and forth.

"Mistresses are very late!" said Winston, wringing his hands. "Winston wonders if something happened."

"It hasn't even been six seconds since Robin called," said Cyborg, falling off his chair from dizziness.

Winston gave a moan in worry, then paced back and forth. Robin stood on the opposite side of the room, using his ninja skills on an invisible opponent. Beast Boy watched in amusement, pretending that the opponent was Goku, getting his butt whooped.

"I don't know why Goku doesn't just disappear," thought Beast Boy to himself, watching Goku gain a bloody nose as Robin kneed him in the face. "He always does that."

Robin twirled around and gave a kick.

"Oooh… Right in the nads."

The parlor door opened, distracting the "men" inside.

"We're here," said Raven, pushing Starfire inside. "What do you want?"

"Winston is very glad the mistress asked," said Winston, grinning like an idiot. "Winston will tell them so Master does not have to strain his throat."

"That's OK," said Robin, stopping his moves. "You don't…"

"Master wishes to inform you," said Winston, interrupting Robin, "that he has booked a vacation on an island in the Pacific."

"Ooh…" said the girls, not paying any attention to Robin's mumblings.

"Yes. The masters will leave tomorrow on a private jet, and they will fly to the island and stay for a week."

Raven glanced at Robin, who was slowly nodding his head.

"I'm excited," said Beast Boy, grinning. "I get to test my bogus surfing skills."

"That are bogus," said Cyborg, nodding. Beast Boy, who apparently had no idea what the word meant, nodded his head as well.

"What time will we leave?" asked Starfire.

"Around one," said Robin. "It's a twelve hour flight, so bring something to do on the plane."

A faint electronic tune echoed throughout the room, causing Cyborg to look at his arm.

"Oh," he said. "The robot we built works. No more villains."

The Titans threw their arms into the air. So did Winston, having nothing else to do.

"Except it blew up the city."

The Titans put their arms down and hunched over in sadness. Winston, who's already hunched over, just put his arms down.

* * *

Beast Boy bobbed his head up and down as the jet took off the runway, leaving the ground and throwing itself into the sky. As he looked out the window, he couldn't help but notice how much smaller everything looked… Of course, he should've noticed this before, but hey, maybe he's got ADD or something. I dunno.

Already losing circulation in his legs, the changeling got up from his seat and looked around. Cyborg was sitting way in the back, listening to his walkman, and Starfire was up in the cockpit with Robin. What they were doing in there, he didn't want to know, but he was pretty sure it was something stupid. Like… playing cards or something.

He noticed Raven a good five rows ahead of him, her face buried in a book. Grinning, he made his way over to the empath and sat down next to her. The empath looked up with a blank glare.

"Sugar," said Beast Boy, "somebody set up us the bomb."

Raven continued to stare at the changeling blankly.

"All your base are belong to us."

Raven continued to stare at the changeling, then put her face back in her book. "Get away from me."

"Or what?" asked the changeling, pushing Raven's book away from her.

Raven slowly turned her head and glared at the green guy next to her. "I will pry open this emergency door and laugh as you fly out."

"And laugh as you go out with me?" asked Beast Boy. "Need I remind you that in order to pry open the door, you would have to get up?"

Raven frowned and continued to read.

"Would you like to know a very _big _reason as to why you shouldn't do anything that would harm me?"

Raven looked up from her book once more. "What?"

Beast Boy reached into his pocket and pulled out a miniature tape recorder and, smiling mischievously, pressed the play button.

_This shit is bananas.  
__B-A-N-A-N-A-S!_

_This shit is bananas.  
__B-A-N-A-N-A-S!_

Raven's eyes went wide as the line repeated itself, but that was not her main reason of fright. In the background, one could easily hear a female voice screaming random interjections, such as "whoa", "shake it", and "hott".

"You didn't…" said Raven, reaching for the tape recorder.

Beast Boy withdrew. "I did."

Raven closed her book and turned her body towards the changeling, eyes filled with a loss of hope. "What must I do…?"

"You must become my slave for a week," said Beast Boy. "If you decide to maim me, I'll find… _somehow _find a way to play it in front of everybody, causing you to shrink in embarrassment."

"You realize I could just destroy it right here?"

"Yes. And that's why I have twenty more copies at home."

Raven gasped as a single tear leaked from her right eye and down her cheek. "You're… horrid."

"I know…"

The door to the cockpit burst open, revealing the figure of Starfire. She was quite flustered, it seemed, and she was sweating profusely.

"Woo…" said the alien, fanning herself. "Robin sure does know how to play cards. Grr."

Starfire limped her way over towards Raven and Beast Boy, who watched with concern.

"How much did you lose?" asked Raven, quickly drying her eyes.

"Twenty dollars just to get him to play with me…" said Starfire, fanning herself. "But I got a thousand for letting him win." Starfire looked at the emergency exit, continuing to fan herself. "Let's open this window, shall we?"

Beast Boy and Raven watched Starfire as she pried open the door, causing her and a few loose objects inside the plane to be quickly sucked out.

"Wow…" said Beast Boy. "That was interesting."

"I suppose we should've stopped her."

Beast Boy shook his head. "Nah."

The jet began to shake, causing Beast Boy, Raven, and Cyborg to bounce up in their seats as high as their seatbelts allowed them. A ding echoed throughout the cabin, and Robin's voice could miraculously be heard, despite the noise.

"Attention passengers," said Robin. "Something has just been sucked up into one of our engines."

Raven's jaw dropped open. Beast Boy gulped as a tuft of red hair could be seen flying by.

"Sugar, we're going down," said the changeling as he noticed the ocean get closer and closer.

(A/N: Yes, they were already above the ocean. Stop looking at me like that.)

* * *

Raven slowly opened her eyes, revealing the blue sky above her. She had no idea where she was, or how she had gotten there, but she was on a very wet surface, and something even wetter would keeping washing up against her…

"Oh!" she cried, lifting her head up.

In front of her was nothing but the churning ocean… behind her, sand and a line of palm trees.

Getting up, Raven looked at the ocean. She didn't know how long it had been since the crash, but it must've been a while… no signs of the plane could be seen, and no signs of her friends.

"Hey! She woke up!"

Raven turned around to see Beast Boy, making his way over to the empath.

"Any idea where we are?" asked Raven as Beast Boy looked out at the open sea as well.

"Nope. But we found Starfire."

"She's alive?"

"Yeah. Very scratched up and red, but alive."

Raven nodded in understanding. The two continued to look out at the ocean, the undertow of its waves sweeping sand away, causing them to sink into the beach. It was quite a nice scene, with television's favorite couple (and Beast Boy and Raven) standing in silence.

"_They're _here again," said Beast Boy, rolling his eyes.

"Who?" asked Raven.

"That random couple that follows us around everywhere."

"Oh… Oh! Yeah, I remember them."

"I wonder who they are."

"I don't know. They're a really cute couple, that's for sure."

The two unknown people suddenly began to share an embrace, their lips becoming one in order to share a deep, passionate kiss.

"Front row seats."

"Normally, I would retch in disgust and run, but there's not really anyplace to run to."

The couple fell onto beach, their hot bodies making contact with the cold, wet sand. As they began to get extremely intimate, Raven and Beast Boy continued to watch, not showing signs of care if they got privacy or not.

"I've always wondered if you could choke like that."

"I don't know. Never tried."

"Should we?"

"No."

A wave broke, causing a thin wall of water to wash over the couple. However, due to the massive undertow, the romantic scene was broken as the two began to get swept away in the current. At first, this was apparently humorous, for the couple began to laugh playfully as they drifted into the ocean. It was then, however, when a shark opened its mouth widely and devoured the two whole.

Beast and Raven watched in awe.

"A tragic romance," said Raven.

"That was more funny than tragic."

"True."

The two heard muffled footsteps behind them and turned around. There was Robin, his **_LONG, GREEN, MAN-LOVING TIGHTS _**ripped in several places and his hair in an even bigger mess.

"Hey guys," said the leader, stopping just before the two. "We've found a good place to make a shantytown, so both of you guys need to come and help us build."

As quickly as he came, Robin left, leaving the two to sit in silence.

"Couldn't you just teleport us out of here?" asked Beast Boy.

"Yes," nodded Raven, "but let's let Robin feel like a leader, shall we?"

"Let's. You go and help them build the shanty. And build mine, too."

Raven raised an eyebrow. "And why should I build yours?"

"Because I still have _this_." Beast Boy smiled with glee as he held up his miniature tape recorder.

Raven frowned, quickly grabbed the tape recorder, and threw it in the ocean. Beast Boy stood there in shock as the waves continued to break.

"I can't believe it," said Beast Boy, a hint of awe in his voice.

"You better," said Raven, looking out into the ocean.

The two watched in fascination as a mermaid appeared above the water's surface, giggled in amusement, and disappear.

"Wow…" said Beast Boy. A good five seconds of silence went by, only to be broken. "OH CRAP! I'VE LOST MY TAPE RECORDER!"

* * *

"So… hungry…"

Robin laid spread eagle on the ground, his eyes half-open and his tongue hanging limply from his mouth. On both sides of him lay his friends, each in a similar situation and as hungry as the other.

"Need… water…" panted Starfire as she wiped the sweat off her forehead. "Wounds… gashes… need water…."

Beast Boy began to mutter incoherent words, which, if played backwards, translated to "It's fun to smoke marijuana."

"So evil…" said Cyborg. "I will immediately set fire to any Queen albums I have."

"What…?" asked Raven. "Meat? Worcestershire? The table is set?"

"Yes, Alex, I will have a chocolate toffee," muttered Robin as he lifted a finger into the air, pointing at the sky.

Beast Boy muttered more incoherent words, which, if played backwards, translated to "There was a little tool shed where he made us suffer, sad Satan".

"So evil…" repeated Cyborg, twitching. "I will immediately set fire to any Led Zeppelin albums I have."

"What…?" asked Raven, raising an eyebrow as a bird flew overhead. "You fed the melon? Why?"

Starfire put her hands over her stomach, which growled in hunger as a response. It had only been two hours since they had crashed, and even though there was a large jungle behind them which, no doubt, had at least one tree bearing good fruit, they were too lazy to get up and look for any.

"I can feel my wounds obtaining gangrene," she said as she lightly poked one of the many scratches on her body.

The Titans sat there in pain, Beast Boy now muttering the gibberish from Pink Floyd's _Empty Spaces_. Raven lightly tapped her feet against the air in front of her, humming to herself. She then broke out in quiet singing.

"What shall we use to fill the empty spaces?"

Cyborg sang along. "Where we used to talk?"

The Titans all began to sing, causing any animals near them to freak out and run away.

"_How shall I fill the final places?  
__How shall I complete the waaaaall?_"

Several feet behind them, a disgustingly cute girl in a ponytail with freakishly-adorable chibi eyes was playfully shoveling sand into a plastic bucket. A man in his early thirties sat next to her, smiling as she would fill the bucket to its rim, pat it, and tip it over, revealing a dome of sand.

"Good job, princess!" said the man as the girl, obviously his daughter, laughed. She clapped her hands and grinned as rosy red circles, typical of all anime chibis, appeared on her cheeks.

The father and daughter were interrupted when they noticed five teenagers lying on the ground not too far away, panting and moaning. The daughter shrieked, causing her father to slip into defense mode.

"It's OK, sweetie," said the man as his daughter hid behind him. "It's just a couple of crazy people. That's all."

"That girl is scary!" said the daughter, pointing at Starfire and her many cuts.

Despite the many irony-haters that our audience may hold, the young girl waddled over to the five teenagers, eager to see what was going on. She was now standing over Starfire, whose tongue was going into convulsions as a sign for need of water.

The girl, who had still been holding onto her plastic shovel, lightly poked the Tamaranian in the side, causing her to go into shock.

As the cardiac episode took place, the girl's father ran up to his daughter and dragged her away from the dying Tamaranian. After five seconds, however, the convulsions stopped, and Starfire remained the way she had been before.

"My third heart just died," said Starfire to herself. "I am very fortunate to have four left."

"Excuse me," said the girl's father, causing the five Titans to actually lift their heads up off the ground.

"Yes?" asked Raven. "Is there something you need?"

"If I may be so bold," began the man, clearing his throat and trying to sound official, "what are you doing?"

"Dying," said Cyborg. "We're lost on a deserted island and haven't been able to find food or water since our crash, two hours ago."

"No you're not," said the man, raising an eyebrow. "This island is _far _from deserted."

"Don't be ridiculous," said Robin. "If it wasn't deserted, there would be a hotel right there."

The man looked behind him, raising his other eyebrow. "But… there _is _a hotel right there."

The five Titans looked behind them to see a large, whitewashed building.

"Oh," replied Robin. "Now that I think about it, it looks a lot like the hotel we were supposed to stay at for our vacation."

The four others nodded in agreement.

* * *

In the depths of the Pacific Ocean, a great white shark swam into a cave in hopes of finding any delicious morsels. However, our attention should not be focused on this fish, despite the fact that it's swimming into an underwater disco.

Instead, we shall focus on the _inside_ of the shark, in which a male and female couple were sitting in the shark's belly, sitting cross-legged and facing a boy with long, shaggy hair and a top hat.

"So…" said the boy, raising an eyebrow. "You're television's favorite couple."

"Yes," said the woman, rubbing her hand's on the man's chest. "Everyone loves us."

"I've never even _heard _of you, nonetheless loved you."

"How could you not have heard of us?" asked the man. "We're famous!"

"No…" said the boy. "You're really not."

"He may have a point," said the woman. "Now that I think about it… who exactly _are _we?"

Television's favorite couple sat in silence. So did Ra… oh… no… wait. They're not here. Never mind.

"Idiots…" mumbled the boy.

* * *

**How the hell are they alive?**

I don't know how often I'm going to update, due to the fact that this is a non-plot story and those take a considerable amount of time to think about in order to keep from becoming complete crap. I don't plan on dying, though, so don't think I did if I haven't updated in a while. I'll try to update at least once every two weeks.

Leave a shiny Review, if you care, and I _know _you do.


	6. The Influenced

_Credit for the plot idea goes to YRProcks66_

Starfire picked up her pink blouse and folded it casually, smiling as she noticed the large amount of wrinkles littered across its surface.

_Oh, goody!_ she thought to herself as she finished, laying it down on her bed. _Another excuse to use the iron!_

It had been five hours since the Titans had checked into their hotel. They had no trouble, due to the fact that the hotel staff was given a clear description of what each of them looked like, in case something unfortunate (like being stranded on a "deserted" island with no provisions) happened. Some slight suspicion arose from the staff when the Titans revealed they had lost their IDs, but they were allowed to check in when one of the workers discovered that a boy in their group was wearing **_GREEN, SKIN-LOVING TIGHTS_**.

The Titans were each given their own separate suites on the tenth floor, the highest in the building. To make the readers even _more _jealous, the suites all overlooked the ocean, except for Robin's, which overlooked a parking lot.

The Titans sang a song of woe for their leader, but, as if nothing happened, they locked themselves in their suites and listened to LPs, smoking weed and thinking about the good times. And the bad times… you know they've had their share.

(A/N: Who knows what song that's a reference to? Anyone? Triforce90 Cookie, here.)

Starfire had been currently head-banging to _IV_ (_ZoSo, Four Symbols,_ whatever you want to call it) when she realized that, to her surprise, it was eleven o'clock in the evening. She turned her record player off and went to unpack her suitcase.

As of now, the readers may be wondering how in the hell Starfire had her suitcase, let alone a record player with Led Zeppelin's "best" album equipped. To ease the confusion, I shall explain.

The suitcases had been inside the airplane when it crashed, true, but they somehow managed to wheel themselves out and float around in the ocean. They continued to do this for a couple of hours, until a waterspout the size of Ohio irrupted and caused the suitcases to go flying through the air. They headed towards the hotel at a blinding speed, crashing through the tenth floor windows. Amazingly, they all landed in their owner's rooms, for when they opened the door, there they were!

The Titans, apparently used to such events, performed the actions mentioned above.

Now that that question has been cleared up, we find ourselves back in Starfire's room, who was now pulling out a pair of faded bell-bottom jeans from her suitcase. Folding them, she placed them on her bed and, being done unpacking, closed her suitcase and placed it on the floor.

Now that Starfire had finished unpacking, it was time to iron the wrinkles out of her blouse. Opening the room's closet door, she noticed an ironing board and pulled it down. On a shelf inside the closet was an iron, which she grabbed for herself and turned it on.

Placing the blouse and iron on the ironing board, Starfire placed the rest of her belongings into various drawers and, deciding to call it a day, stripped herself of her clothes and placed on her pink footsy pajamas. Knowing that the iron was well heated by now, she made her way to the ironing board and began to iron her blouse.

A light _tap tap tap _came from the door, causing Starfire to look up.

"Come in," she said, looking back down at the ironing board and continuing her job. "The door is open."

The sound of a door opening echoed throughout the room as Robin stepped inside.

"Hey, Star," said Robin, grinning widely as he noticed his companion in footsy pajamas. "What's going on?"

"I am ironing my blouse," said Starfire, making no eye contact with her friend.

"Cool," said Robin, sitting down on her bed. "I was wondering, Starfire, if you wanted to do anything tonight."

"No thank you," said Starfire, turning the iron off as she began to put everything up. "I am going to call it a day."

"Well," said Robin. "We could… sleep, eh?" Robin grinned and winked.

"Your pickup lines suck the balls," said Starfire, climbing into her bed and kicking Robin off. "Go away."

"But Starfire!" said Robin, lying on the floor with a desperate look on his face.

"Leave."

As Starfire laid her head on her pillow, Robin sighed and got up off the floor. As he turned around to make his way for the door, he turned his head around and looked at Starfire. Her eyes were shut, and no signs of guilt could be seen on her face.

As he made a step forward, he heard her shift around.

"Wait," came her voice. Robin stopped in his tracks and turned around.

"Maybe I was unfair," said Starfire, getting up so she was now sitting. "I do not _have_ to go to bed now… Would you like to do something?"

"You really want to?" asked Robin, grinning.

"Yes. What would you like to do?"

"We could play a game, I guess."

"Marvelous! What would you like to play?"

Robin smirked. "How about Strip Poker?"

* * *

Cyborg made his way down the hall, an empty bucket in his hand. He was still a little stoned from the previous events, but other than that, all circuits were normal. He just needed some ice.

As he approached the end of the hall, where the vending machines and ice machines were, he noticed that one of the doors burst open, and out flew Robin!

"Robin?" asked Cyborg, stopping his walk as the door slammed shut. "What are you doing?"

Robin, who had his hand on the back of his head, looked up from the floor and saw his friend. Immediately, he got on his knees and grabbed Cyborg's right hand.

"Cyborg!" said Robin, clearly upset. "You're gotta help me!"

"What?" asked Cyborg, a confused look on his face. "What's wrong?"

"It's Starfire!"

"What about her?"

"I keep coming onto her, but she just ignores me!"

A moment of silence followed this statement. As Cyborg processed this quote into his memory circuit, Robin kept his position on the ground, not moving an inch.

The memory circuit interpreted the message, and Cyborg let out a loud laugh.

"What's so funny?" asked Robin, getting up from his knees and glaring at Cyborg.

"You want _me _to help _you_?" asked Cyborg, pointing at Robin. "Oh man… that's great!"

"What do you mean?"

"Well… come on, Robin," said Cyborg, a faint grin still on his face. "You're not exactly the lady's man. And you just _expect _me to help you automatically?"

"Yes."

Another moment of silence followed.

"You mean…" began Cyborg, his smile disappearing. "You're really serious about this?"

"Yes," said Robin, wringing his hands. "I'm in a tight spot…"

Cyborg clapped his hand on Robin's shoulder, causing the Boy Wonder to buckle his knees. "No problem, little man!" said Cyborg. "I'll make you a chick magnet in a week!"

"Really?" asked Robin, smiling. "You'll do it?"

"Of course! We'll start tomorrow!"

"Oh, great!" said Robin, shaking the robot's hand. "I don't know how to thank you!"

"You could quit holding my hand…" muttered Cyborg, turning his eyes to the right as if checking to see if someone was watching.

"Oh… Yes…" Robin let go of his hand. "Well… thanks, buddy!"

"Don't mention it, pal."

Robin turned and walked away, stopped, and entered his room.

As soon as he did this, Cyborg continued to make his way down the hall. "Loser…"

* * *

The town the Titans were staying at was the lovely little town of Ooga-Booga-Shorts, an Americanized section of the island. It was right on the beach and featured a number of tiny little shops, each selling their own unique items. However, focusing on the downtown sector of Ooga-Booga-Shorts is pointless, for our friends weren't there.

On the beach, Raven, Beast Boy, and Starfire were now walking across the hot sand, trying desperately to find a nice spot to relax. Of course, with Ooga-Booga-Shorts' large tourism, it was hard to do so; much of the beach was occupied by pale, fat men and women that thought they weren't _too _fat, but really were. Their self-confidence was displayed quite openly, mainly because the men had on speedos and the women bikinis.

"This place is disgusting…" said Raven, seeing an extremely fat woman with a bikini. "You shouldn't wear bathing suits if you don't have the figure."

"Tell me about it," said Beast Boy, eyeing a man in a banana-hammock. "It wouldn't hurt them to have a bit of a tan, either."

Starfire remained silent, for there was something going on that no one else realized… For the first time in her life, Starfire was wearing a thong bikini. A frown was on her face, and even though she hid it well by taking normal strides, she was in extreme agitation.

As she looked out of her mirrored sunglasses that would've made any rock star wannabe jealous, she couldn't help but notice how everyone seemed to have something they brought with them. Many people had books, like Raven, which made Starfire feel that she and Beast Boy were out of the ordinary.

Of course, it wasn't unusual for someone to bring a surfboard… Beast Boy had managed to rent one for the day, but seemed to be the only person there that had one. Starfire, on the other hand, had brought a tri-fold mirror to work on her tan.

"Shall we sit here?" asked Starfire as she spoke for the first time, gesturing at a portion of the beach shaded by a large palm tree.

"Sure," said Raven, sitting down on the sand and leaning against the tree's trunk. "It's a nice place to read."

"Well, you pussies can just sit here and rot," said Beast Boy, beginning to make his way towards the shoreline. "If you ever feel like joining me, feel free to."

"I would rather die," said Raven as she opened her book.

Starfire noticed a cot nearby and, being one to take what isn't hers, pulled it over closer to the tree so she could talk to Raven without having to raise her voice, but be able to soak up the ultraviolet rays coming from above.

"So what else do you want to do today?" asked Raven before Starfire could even lie down.

"I do not care," said Starfire, stretching her long legs as the sun shined forth. "I am here to enjoy myself and be lazy, not to run around."

"Agreed," said Raven, turning a page in her book. "Of course, some people are just meant to run around."

As if on cue, the girls could hear the changeling calling to them from the ocean.

"What's he saying?" asked Raven, looking up from her book and towards the sea. Sure enough, there was Beast Boy, waving his arm around.

"He wants to know if we would like to go surfing with him," said Starfire, now adjusting her tri-fold mirror.

Raven merely raised her right hand and gave the finger. Beast Boy could be seen with a shocked expression on his face and his free hand on his chest. He took a step backwards in shock, but, unfortunately, fell backwards into the water.

"Ow," said Raven, continuing to read. Starfire merely gave a chuckle.

Several minutes went by, and the girls enjoyed the quiet of the beach. Raven was very well near the end of her book, and Starfire's skin was slowly baking into a more golden brown.

Suddenly, out of nowhere, Beast Boy came up to them, his hair lying flat on his head and his body soaking wet.

Raven looked up and noticed him. "Hello," she said, looking at the changeling straight in the eye. "Have a nice time?"

Beast Boy merely stood there, and while Starfire could only see out of the corner of her eye, she noticed that Beast Boy's cheeks were slightly puffed up, like something was in his mouth.

"Something you need?" asked Raven, not able to understand the changeling's sudden silence.

Before the empath could even react, Beast Boy opened his mouth to unleash a blast of water, which hit Raven's face with a force of a thousand nuclear warheads.

Starfire, who had seen this coming, slowly removed her face from behind her mirror and merely stared at her friend, who was shocked beyond belief.

Beast Boy giggled immaturely and darted back towards the ocean. The two girls sat in silence, water dripping off Raven's face and Starfire staring her down. After a short while, Starfire continued to tan herself. "I do not see _how _you could not see that coming," she said.

Raven let out a groan of frustration and stood up, now giving chase to the changeling.

Starfire let out a sign and continued her tan.

* * *

In the center of Ooga-Booga-Shorts, a lone bush uprooted itself from the ground and stealthily walked down the sidewalks, stopping every now and then as if hoping not to be noticed. After several seconds of this pause, the bush would stand back up and walk a few more feet, then stop once again. Despite the fact that it was trying its hardest to not be noticed, many of the town's inhabitants would stop what they were doing to watch this interesting piece of foliage.

After stopping and walking several times, the bush reached the coastline and stopped once more. A long periscope slowly made its way out of the top and turned to the left and right, taking in every object. It stopped turning at a 65° angle and immediately descended. The bush then began slowly making its way over to what it spotted: a young girl getting a tan.

In the next five minutes, the bush was well within one foot of the girl, but she was apparently oblivious to the bush that had randomly appeared next to her. It was even more amazing when she made no signs that she had seen the periscope rise from the bush as well.

In one of those neato effects, the camera (or monitor) zooms into the periscope, where we can see Cyborg and Robin, peering anxiously to see what was outside of their shelter.

"OK man," said Cyborg, turning the periscope. "There she is, right in front of us."

"Right," said Robin, a determined look on his face.

"Remember everything I taught you."

"Right."

"Try not to screw up."

"Right."

"And please, for the love of humanity, don't wet yourself like you did in the bar."

Robin inhaled deeply. "Right," he said, a little less determined.

"And don't say she has a wide load. We don't want _that _to happen again."

"Right…"

"And try not to suck on her hair. I mean, good…"

"YES!" shouted Robin, an angry look growing on his face. "I GET IT!"

Cyborg patted his pupil on the head. "Try not to get too worked up. Chicks don't like the tough guys, remember?"

"Oh," said Robin, apparently losing all of his anger. "That's right… They like the wimps, don't they?"

"Yep. Why else would a woman go out with Orlando Bloom?"

Robin stood there, a hand on his chin as if in thought. "I don't know…" he muttered.

"Exactly! It's not like he's just _rolling _in dough now, right?"

"No."

Cyborg lightly punched the Boy Wonder on his left shoulder. "Go get 'er, man!"

Robin got off the ground, grabbing his left shoulder as if in pain. He immediately let go, however, and regained his determined face. …It's amazing how they're doing all of this inside a plant.

As Robin began to make his way out of their shelter, he noticed something going on with his beloved… She was flipping over to tan her backside, and she was wearing a thong.

Robin immediately felt the effects of this, for his face and skin turned blue and his eyes grew wide, his nose beginning to leak a small amount of blood. Cyborg, sensing something was wrong, looked outside and saw Starfire, her round bum sticking straight up in the air.

"Hmmm…" hummed Cyborg to himself, noticing his student's sudden horniness. Giving the Boy Wonder a firm smack on the face, Cyborg felt himself slip into defense mode as Robin turned back into his normal self.

"Have I not embarrassed you enough?" asked Cyborg, noticed Robin's confused look. "Must I also remind you of the time you started to hump that girl's leg?"

"I…" began Robin, his voice cracking (HAHAHAHAHA!). Suddenly, large tears began to fall out of his eyes, and the savior of good and truth sat there, crying his eyes out. "I CAN'T DO IT!" he shouted, his voice now sounding like a five-year old child's.

Cyborg gave him another firm smack on the face, causing the whining to stop. "You can and you will!" he said, forcing Robin out of the bush.

Despite Robin's desperate attempts to fight back, he was shoved out of the foliage either way, due to the fact that Cyborg is all muscle and Robin… doesn't appear to have any… Huh…

As he noticed his love lying there 3/4s naked, he suddenly began to feel the urge to run away. His knees began to wobble, the kneecaps hitting each other, and small beads of sweat began to form on his forehead. Apparently, Starfire was able to sense his presence, for she turned in his direction. Seeing who it was, she lifted up her mirrored sunglasses and stared at the boy.

"Hello," she said, trying her hardest not to stare at the knees of the shaking boy.

"H-h-hi…" said Robin, unable to think of what to say. "How are y-you?"

"Wonderful."

"C-cool…"

The two remained there in silence, Robin's knee problem only getting worse.

"Are your legs OK?" asked Starfire, giving in to her urge to stare at her friend's knees.

"Uh…" said Robin, shifting his eyes away. "Well… uh…"

The boy suddenly felt something, or someone, tapping him in the back. He turned around to see Cyborg with a stick, who mouthed something, and hid himself once again.

"Where did that bush come from?" asked Starfire, noticing the foliage for the first time.

Robin suddenly stopped shaking and, his terrified face being replaced with a smug one, forced Starfire to sit up so he could sit next to her.

"Let's not talk about that," he said, trying to sound macho. He wrapped his arm around the girl's neck, her red hair over his arm. "Let's talk about _you_."

"What?" asked the alien, a confused look on her face. "Why?"

"Because, Precious, you are **bitchin'**!"

"I am?" Starfire raised an eyebrow. "Isn't that a bad thing?"

"No way! It's pimptastic!"

Robin looked into the bush, where he could see Cyborg's red eye moving up and down. Obviously, he was nodding.

"I thank you for the compliment… I guess…" said Starfire, a little weirded out from what was going on. In a desperate attempt to get away, she noticed Beast Boy face being forced and held under the water by Raven. "I am going to go swimming," she said, getting up. "I shall see you later."

"Hurry back," said Robin.

As Starfire stood up, she felt something firm and hard hit her butt. Turning around, she noticed Robin grinning like an idiot, his right hand wiggling its fingers as if saying hello.

Robin was smacked across the face. Starfire ran way.

The bush began to rustle around, signifying movement from inside. Cyborg climbed out of the foliage and helped his friend up.

"What did I do wrong, Cy?" asked Robin, putting a hand over his red face.

"I don't know," said Cyborg. "You did everything I told you to…"

"Maybe I'm just not good enough…" said Robin, hunching over and looking quite pathetic.

"Nah, don't say that!" said Cyborg, pulling out a manual labeled _Pimpin' Guide to Success_. "Let's review what you did, shall we?" He flipped a couple of pages in the manual, the stopped. "Uh… did you come on to her way too soon?"

"Yes," said Robin, nodding.

"Did you compliment her?"

"Yes."

"Did you use gestures inappropriate in a public area?"

"Yes."

Cyborg put a hand to his chin and thought. Robin stared up at the sky absent-mindedly, watching a bird.

_Where could he be going wrong?_ asked Cyborg to himself. His eyes began to travel down his friend's body as if running an inspection. Everything looked good, but something caught Cyborg's eyes near the bottom. _There's something about _this _area… I can feel it. _Cyborg stared hard at the area below his waist to above his ankles… his waist to his ankles…

….

…Waist to ankles…

…

…!

"GAAH!" shouted Cyborg, smacking his forehead. Robin, who was picking his nose as the time, stopped and looked at his friend.

"What?" he asked.

"Dude!" said Cyborg, throwing his arms up. "Why didn't I see it before?"

"See what?"

Cyborg pointed at Robin's knees. "It's the **_TIGHTS_**!"

Robin raised an eyebrow. "Wha…?"

"The **_TIGHTS_**, man! Something about your **_GREEN TIGHTS _**is turning Star off!"

Robin looked at the audience in typical… uh… mode, but noticed that he was suddenly bare from the waist down.

"**WHOLEY CRAP**!" shouted Robin, suddenly realizing he was now only in his whitey-tighties. "**WHAT ARE YOU DOING, MAN**?"

"Taking you to get some new pants!" said Cyborg, grinning. Pointing up into the sky, he shouted "ONWARD!"

* * *

Three hours later, the beach was much busier than it had been before. As if on a freak coincidence, the day our friends were at the shore was also the day of the arrival of horny high school children, ready to celebrate the first day of Spring Break. Ooga-Booga-Shorts was a _very _popular Spring Break location, mainly because of its warm climate and relative party-all-night-longness. As of now, many badass children were dirty dancing, playing topless volleyball, or just getting drunk. The less-badass children were talking about the ways they would get rid of their acne, the anticipated Harry Potter book, et cetera.

The Titans, whom we love and adore so much, had decided to stay with this group of strangers and enjoy the festivities. Or… three of the Titans, that is; the whereabouts of Robin and Cyborg were unknown.

But alas, I digress. Our main focus of attention was that of Raven, who was still in her bikini but looking quite unusual. It was not that her physical appearance had changed, but her attitude all around. She was currently lying on the cold sand and staring blankly at the moon. The epitome of a gangsta boy was lying next to her, looking up at the moon as well.

"I've always wondered about the moon…" said Raven, her voice sounding a lot more melodic than usual.

"Yeah…" said the gangsta. "Y-…y-y-yeah! That thing is so trippin'."

"I've seen **fireflies **on less acid than **that**…thing… **BITCH**!"

"HAHAHA!" laughed the gangsta. "It doesn't take _acid_! It snorts **_COKE_**!"

"Oh ho ho ho ho!" said Raven, turning her head to face the boy next to her. "Yeeeah man, fo' **shizzle**!"

"Duuude… You are_ so_ not cool, bitch."

"Bah… fock you."

"Haha… Fock."

"Fock on the rock with your socks on!"

"You fock while on the top!"

"No, _you_ be on the top! I only fock when I'm on the bottom, focker."

Yes… Let us leave Raven and her new friend for now, shall we?

A good twenty yards to the north, Starfire could be seen standing behind a boutique and talking to several girls with obviously fake breasts.

"I mean…" said Starfire, blowing a puff of air so some of her hair would fly up. "Does not that just make you extremely unhappy?"

"I guess…" said one girl, crossing her arms. "I never really thought about it before."

"Please do!" Starfire continued. "It will make you an extremely happy person, and I know very well that your boyfriend will enjoy it!"

"Angie doesn't have a boyfriend," said another girl. Several other girls nodded, muttering things like "yep" or humming "mhmm".

"OK then," said Starfire. "But I know for a _fact _that it'd get you a boyfriend if you showed him these things! And when you bag one, it would give the two of you _so _much pleasure!"

"Well…" Angie shrugged. "Alright. How much are they?"

"Five dollars."

Angie reached into her bikini bottom and pulled out a five dollar bill, completely wet and dripping salty water.

"Um…" said Starfire, noticing the money. Pushing a box forward, she said "Just take them" and nodded. Angie smiled in thanks, and the girls moved away.

Starfire stood proudly, knowing that she had just given a girl a chance at happiness. Of course, the happiness would only last for a small amount of time, but it was _always _worth it.

"What are you doing, Star?" asked a voice from behind. She turned around to see Beast Boy, a red mark on his right cheek.

"I am selling Girl Scout Cookies!" said Starfire, motioning to the small booth she had set up in front of her. "I have made a large amount of money… but what about you? How did you get that red mark on your face?"

Beast Boy grinned. "I got **slapped**!"

Starfire gasped. "Are you serious?"

"Yep!"

"OH! BEAST BOY!" Starfire and the changeling embraced. "YOU'RE BECOMING A MAN!"

Beast Boy grinned wider. It soon disappeared, however, for he noticed somebody behind him.

"There she is," he said. "I'm going to go see if she can slap me again!" And with an immature laugh, he ran off.

"Hello… Starfire…"

Starfire turned around to see Robin standing there, a solemn look on his face.

"Hello Robin," she replied, blankly.

"Uh…" Robin put an arm around his head. "How are you?"

"Fine."

"Cool."

"Very."

A moment of silence went by; Robin stood there nervously behind Starfire's boutique, while Starfire smiled faintly as she looked around, waiting for more customers. Robin then turned around and broke the silence. "Well… see you."

Robin slowly walked away, Starfire's eyes following. It was then, however, that she noticed something out of the ordinary.

"Robin?" Starfire spoke.

Robin's head perked up and he turned around. "Yeah?"

Starfire pointed to her leader's knees. "What are those you're wearing?" she asked.

Robin looked down. "Oh… these? They're my new pan…"

"Are those… _leather_?" interrupted Starfire, a smile appearing on her face.

"Um… Yes. Yes they are."

Starfire leaned in, her nose now just a few inches from Robin's. "I _love_ leather…" she whispered, a seductive grin on her face.

Robin's eyes widened in amazement, and the Tamaranian princess grabbed his hand. The two ran on the cold sand and towards the ocean, Robin bearing a retarded grin and Starfire glad she bagged a man. The title song for _Chariots of Fire _began to play in the background, and many of the Spring Breakers stopped what they were doing, smiling as they saw the couple.

(A/N: A Triforce90 Cookie for all of those readers that can play that song on the piano.)

Beast Boy and the girl that had assaulted him stood and watched, they're heads turning and smiles appearing on their faces in slow motion.

Angie and her group of friends all looked up from the box of cookies, they're mouths stuffed full. But they somehow managed to form partial smiles and wave… all in slow motion.

As the song reached its dramatic peak, Robin could see Cyborg standing in the distance, his arms crossed and head nodding in approval. Robin grinned and shook his fist in victory as he and his new lover kept running.

A scratch stopped the song short, as if it had been playing on a faulty record. Everyone that was watching the new couple stopped and turned to Raven and her new ghetto friend. Starfire and Robin stopped running and turned as well.

"Heh…" said the gangsta. "That kid's got some focking leather pants!"

"**HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!**" laughed Raven.

* * *

In a dark yet somewhat familiar room, two spotlights came on to reveal a red curtain on a wooden stage. The curtain began to shuffle, and the figures of Robin and Starfire were revealed. Well what do you know… it's them!

"Hey all everybody!" said Starfire, grinning and waving. "Thanks for reading the chapter! You know it rawked!"

"It certainly did!" said Robin, hands in the pockets of his new leather pants. "But we've got some stuff to tell you and such."

"First off," said Starfire, holding up a finger. "Don't go buying leather pants, thinking that a girl is going to automatically go out with you. It won't work. Seriously."

"And don't just come on to a girl, either," said Robin, referring brilliantly to the first beach scene. "But I'm sure you'd know not to do that. This fic was written by a guy that can't even get a girl to go out with him, nonetheless be his girlfriend."

A boy in a top hat and shaggy brown hair poked his head out of the curtain. "Shut up!" said he. "At least I have _real _friends!"

"I have real friends!" boasted Robin, looking proud. "Don't I, Star?"

"No, Robin. You do not."

"Oh…"

Starfire continued to smile. "Until next time, ladies and gents! And please remember to leave shiny Reviews!"

Raven stuck her head out from behind the curtain. "And don't do drugs. Seriously. They mess you up."

"Right!" said Starfire, nodding. "Now… if somebody would be so kind as to help Robin get out of his leather pants, we're all set to start filming the next chapter!"

The camera panned to Robin, who could be seen trying to get out of his pants. "The sweat that has accumulated on my leg is making them impossible to get off!" shouted he as he fell to the ground, clutching his right pant leg.

"OK," said Raven, looking at the audience. "Get out of here. Now."

The spotlights turned off, and the sounds of a Tamaranian princess accidentally stepping on top of a Boy Wonder (and that Boy Wonder crying out in pain) could be heard throughout the room.

* * *

Check it out, peeps. I stole a symbol from Microsoft Word to post at the bottom of all my works to prove they're _mine_! Expect to see it from here on out, if I remember…

چ


	7. Chronology I

A/N: I realize that this is… well… come on. You should _know_ that this isn't how the Titans originally met. I mean… honestly. Just the fact that _I_ wrote it should tell you that.

But seriously, if you're an idiot (Spidey…), I'm just going to tell you to not believe that this is what happened. Because it's not.

Triforce90 Cookies go to: SpiderSquirrel (x2), TitanGhost, and… that's it. Good job, dude and dudette.

Now to all of my fellow male readers, I would like to ask you to look inside your shorts/pants. Is it a penis? Is it a penis? NO! IT'S A PONY! (laughs insanely and high-fives Spidey)

…Inside joke.

* * *

On the island of Ooga-Booga-Shorts, people were fleeing this way and that. Many of the citizens were traveling to the island's international airport, only to be stopped in traffic or not be able to book any flights off the island. Others were evacuating into the mountains, giving the coastal area a ghost town atmosphere. Remaining citizens were gathering plywood and nails and boarding their house's windows.

Yes. A hurricane was coming!

Even as I speak, the hotel that our friends are staying at was preparing for the storm. Many of the janitors were busy nailing plywood over windows while the… people behind the desk or whatever you call them… were ensuring the occupant's safety. Many of the visitors had had time to flee, but others weren't so lucky… "Others" being the Teen Titans, of course.

In room 1010, our five homeskilletz were clearing out a space in the closet and removing hazardous "projectiles" from the bathroom. As Cyborg and Beast Boy dismounted the large mirror off the bathroom wall, a solitary Mexican janitor burst in, carrying a large piece of plywood. Avoiding the surprised glances from the room's occupants, he carried the board over to their lone window and set it down, reaching for a nail in his pocket.

Raven took note of this just as the janitor began to nail.

"Whoa…" said Raven, running up to the man and grabbing his hammering arm. "Hold up. You don't board a window on the inside."

The man looked at her with a confused face. "¿Qué?" he asked.

"Plywood. You nail it on the outside. That way, you can keep the glass from becoming broken."

"…¿Qué?"

"I mean… Ah, just give it to me," said Raven, grabbing the plywood and hammer from the janitor.

As Raven teleported out of the room and appeared outside the window, the janitor was pushed out of the room by four odd-looking youngsters, each one telling him to have a nice day.

"He's such a royal pain in the butt," kindly stated Starfire as she bolted their hotel door.

"He can't help it," said Cyborg, jumping on top the bed and lying back. "He's doing his job, isn't he?"

"Speaking of which," said Robin from the bathroom. "Help Raven with the plywood. She's going to need it."

"I'm already done," said Raven, flying back into the room. "In the meantime, turn on the TV. Maybe they've got a new report on the hurricane."

Beast Boy, being the closest to the remote control, turned on the television.

_"As you can see, Hurricane AH IT'S COMING is right on the coast. If you're stupid, you should nail plywood to your windows and hide under your bed or… something… Um… What's that card say? 'Look concerned'… What? Why? Oh… That's the blocking, isn't it? Um… yes… Right then."_

"Blam this piece of crap," said Beast Boy, turning off the television. "I mean, it's bad enough that we have to be in one room together, but to have to put up with _this_?"

Of course, by the laws of human nature, the readers may be curious as to why the Titans are in one room. Well, as stated before, each of the Titans' hotel rooms faced the ocean. Due to the fact that hurricanes are tropical storms, they tend to come in from there… And, due to the fact that Robin's room was the only one that faced a parking lot, it was a pretty good idea for them to reside in that one.

"I'm just confused as to what I'm going to do when the hurricane hits," said Raven, looking at her plywood job. "There's no telling how long the storm's going to last."

A loud crash echoed throughout the building as every uncovered window broke at the same time.

"**GET IN THE CLOSET!**" shouted Starfire as our cuddly heroes crammed themselves into the small space. The door was shut, and darkness filled the closet.

"I can't see anything," quietly whispered Robin.

"Whoa," came Raven's voice. "Genius."

A moment of silence filled the closet.

"You know what I have just realized?" came the voice of Starfire.

"What?"

"We never did store water."

Another moment of silence filled the closet.

"Well…" came Cyborg's voice. "We're going to die now, aren't we?"

"Looks like it."

"I'm scared…"

"HOLD ME!"

"I do not want to die. I am too young… and I have too many friends. What will they do without me?"

Another moment of silence.

"Speaking of friends…" came Raven's voice. "Do you guys remember when we met?"

"Oh yeah," said Robin, grinning in the dark. "I'll never forget."

"Me neither." Beast Boy.

"I shall remember it always." Starfire.

"Fo shizzle." Cyborg.

"It's nice to think about that stuff," said Robin. "I remember when I met Raven. That was pretty awesome."

"How did you come to Earth, Raven?" asked Starfire, leaning against the right wall.

"Well…" began Raven, not seeming to mind this sudden question.

* * *

On the planet of Azarath, a young girl hastily walked down the hall, her long lavender hair flowing behind her as she continued her brisk pace. She was clutching something against her chest and her head was bowed, hiding her face. However, despite the fact that no eyes could be seen, a solitary tear could be seen falling towards the floor.

After several more seconds of walking, the girl reached a large, oak door. She looked up, causing her hair to fall back and her face to be revealed. She had extremely pale skin and deep lavender eyes, a red jewel embedded in her forehead.

Taking a deep breath, the girl pushed open the large doors and walked into an equally large room. Its style was that of a large family room, and just by looking at the objects that decorated it, one could tell that the owner of this house was extremely rich.

The girl gulped as she noticed a large armchair, sitting in front of a roaring fire. She once again continued her walk, reaching the source of heat.

"Nahor said you wished to see me, Father," said the girl, looking at the back of the armchair.

A heavy breathing could be heard if one listened very, very closely.

"Yes…" said a voice from behind the armchair. "Come to me…"

The girl took in a breath of courage and marched towards the fire, her hands clenched into fists. She soon stood in front of the fire place, looking into the eyes of whoever was sitting in the chair.

"Now then," said the voice, now extremely high-pitched and disgustingly caring. "Come sit on Daddy's lap."

The girl took in another breath of courage and hastily did as her father told her.

"How was my little princess's day at school?" asked the girl's father, a horribly red demon.

"It was alright," said the girl, staring into the fire. "We dissected a mortal."

"That's _fascinating_, Dear!"

"No… Not really. I felt sorry for him."

A moment of silence filled the air. "What do you mean?" asked the demon.

"I mean that I felt sympathy for him. I didn't want to dissect a mortal, Father."

"Don't say such things," said the demon. "We demons must continue to despise the mortal race. Now then… who's Daddy's little girl?"

The girl took in another breath. "I am…" she said, her voice sounding dull and bored.

"That's right! And who does Daddy love the most?"

"…Me."

The demon gave the girl a bone-crushing hug, causing her eyes to slightly bulge from her sockets and her tongue to slip out of her mouth.

"Father…" she gasped.

"Oh… I'm sorry, Princess." The demon released his grip. "Daddy keeps forgetting how his little girl isn't as strong as her father."

"Please don't call me your little girl, Father. You know I hate it."

"I'm sorry, Princess."

"And please, don't call me that either. I have something important I need to tell you."

Another moment of silence filled the air. "What is it, Pumpkin?"

"I'm… leaving Azarath."

The girl was thrown out of the chair as her father stood up. "**WHAT?**"

"I-I believe it's the right… the right thing to do," said the girl, getting up and backing away from the chair. "Please forgive me…"

"But why do you want to leave?" asked the demon, suddenly calming down and returning to his annoying parental attitude. "Aren't you happy here? Think about it! You're a princess, Princess!"

"Yes," said the girl, bowing her head. "But you… suffocate me, Father."

"But Sweetheart, that's just because Daddy is a little too strong. I'm sure that…"

"Not suffocate me _literally_. Suffocate me _spiritually_. I want to be able to see things… Meet new people!"

Once again, another moment of silence. "I… I understand, Sweetie." The demon sat back down in his chair. "Now… tell me where you wish to go."

The girl raised her head, a small smile on her face. "Well, I was hoping I could live on the planet Earth. It's a lovely planet, really. There's a lot of…"

"Um… Sweetie, I don't mean to… uh… 'suffocate' you any more, but don't you think Earth is a little too much?"

"How so, Father?"

"Well, think about it. There's a lot of crazy people and pollution and crime. There are people that worship cows, for Pete's sake!"

"They're just living their life, Father."

"I don't care. I absolutely _forbid _you to go to Earth."

"But…"

"No buts!"

The girl let out a scream of rage. "**I'm going anyway!**" She ran out of the room, her father standing up once again.

"**YOU LEAVE THIS HOUSE YOUNG LADY, AND YOU CAN THINK OF NEVER COMING BACK!**"

The sound of a door slamming echoed throughout the house.

"**ARGH!**" shouted the demon. "**I SUDDENLY HAVE THE URGE TO TAKE OVER THE EARTH AND TURN IT INTO A FIREY WASTELAND, MAKING ALL OF ITS CITIZENS TURN INTO STONE STATUES BUT ONLY TO BE STOPPED BY PUNY LITTLE KIDS IN SPANDEX! RAAAAAAAH!**"

* * *

In the land of Ethiopia, a tan-colored Jeep zoomed across the sand-littered landscape, causing a thick cloud of dust to form behind its rear tires. The sun beat down on it the vehicle with an intense force; a force intense enough to make any pasty-white skinned kid _fry_ after a short second of being exposed. Of course, many people wouldn't even _think_ of coming to a land such as Ethiopia, mainly because of the scary rumors of a tribal clan that captured tourists and brought them to their grounds, forcing them to play many torturous games of _Twister_. What people outside the country had against the game, I don't know, but I'm sure as hell not about to find out.

Anyway…

We now once again bring our attention to the Jeep, which was now entering a dense jungle of sorts. Yes, they are now in a jungle, as odd as that may seem. Keep in mind that I haven't had Geography in well over a year now, and, to make things worse for me, I _loathed_ studying Africa. No, I'm not racist. I'm just not as interested in Africa as some other places. Really.

…

But yes. The Jeep was in a jungle, its hearty tires rolling across the wet ground. Cute, fuzzy, rabid animals watched this unusual device from high above in the jungle's canopy, trying as hard as they could to resist the temptation to jump down and strangle whoever was in there. "Whoever" refers to a man, a woman, and a child.

As of now, the man was driving with the woman in shotgun. The child was running back and forth to look out the left and right windows, much like a dog does on the back of a truck.

"Would you settle down, Garfield?" asked the man impatiently. "You're rocking the Jeep!"

"WHAT'S THAT?" screamed Garfield, running back and forth. "WHAT'S THAT, DADDY? WHAT'S THAT THING? HUH? WHAT IS IT? WHAT? HEY! LOOK AT THAT THING, MOM! IT'S A BIRD! LOOK HOW YELLOW IT IS!"

"I _told _you this would've happened!" said the woman. "You just _had _to forget his Valium®, didn't you?"

"**HEY!**" shouted the man. "**_YOU'RE _THE ONE THAT SAID HE DIDN'T NEED IT!**"

"LOOK AT THAT! IT'S A MONKEY! WHAT'S IT DOING TO THAT OTHER MONKEY? HUH? IT LOOKS LIKE IT'S TRYING TO PLAY _LEAP-FROG_! HEY! DADDY! WILL YOU PLAY _LEAP-FROG _WITH ME LATER? HUH? WILL YOU?"

This went on for quite some time. Five hours, to be exact. It was quite a nauseating trip, with the woman's continuous whining and Garfield's continuous rush, but the man lived through it, and now all three of them were sitting in front of a campfire. Can you say "run-on sentence"? I can't.

"It's nice to be out of the Jeep now," said the woman, stretching her legs as she sat on a rock. "I don't know _how _much longer I would've been able to stand that."

"Yes…" said the man, strumming a G chord on his guitar. "But it's not like he went away."

"I know…"

"HEY DAD! PLAY _HOUSES OF THE HOLY_! THAT'S A COOL SONG! NO! WAIT! PLAY _THE RAIN SONG_! THAT SONG'S EVEN BETTER! OR PLAY _EVERYBODY'S GOT SOMETHING TO HIDE EXCEPT FOR ME AND MY MONKEY_! THAT SONG RAAAAAAWKS!"

"Can't we just put an end to it?" asked the woman.

"But what about all those years of hard work?" asked the man.

"Yes, but we can just try again."

"But still, it's murder!"

"So? We're in Africa, damn it. Just give me the thing. If you won't do it, _I _will!"

The man sighed as he reached into his pocket, pulling out a syringe. He tossed it to the lady, who was poked by the needle, and died.

Just kidding.

Making sure that nothing clogged the small hole, the lady gently pushed the top down, causing a thin stream of liquid to fly out of the container and into the fire. A loud hissing noise reverberated from the blaze, causing everything to grow still.

"Garfield," said the woman, hiding the syringe behind her back. "Come here."

Garfield, who had been busy running around in circles for the past moment, stopped and looked at his mother inquisitively. She beckoned him, and he approached.

"Hold still," said she, grabbing Garfield's right arm and using the needle of the syringe to puncture his vein. "This won't hurt a bit."

"WHAT IS IT?" asked Garfield.

Before he could get a response, the woman injected the fluid, and the effects immediately went into place.

"AGH! AGH!" shouted Garfield. "IT BURNS! IT BURNS! IT… WAIT! NO! HEY! MY SKIN IS TURNING GREEN! LOOK, MA! MY SKIN IS TURNING GREEN! THIS IS SOOOO COOL!"

The two parents watched in horror as their son slowly turned into a deep shade of green. It was only two seconds later, however, when the woman slapped her husband.

"**IDIOT! I TOLD YOU TO PACK THE POISON, BUT DID YOU? NO! YOU HAD TO PACK THE STUPID GENE THINGY INSTEAD!"**

"**I DIDN'T _MEAN_ TO! IT JUST HAPPENED!**"

"HEY! LOOK! I CAN TURN INTO ANIMALS!"

* * *

In a seemingly quiet hospital, two wood doors burst open to reveal three people: two nurses briskly pushing a stretcher and one doctor briskly walking alongside them. Not far behind was a small group of African Americans, all female and each one carrying a different colored handkerchief.

"Doctuh…" said one of the older ladies, meeting up with the only person in the room with a… pony. "Is he gonna be allight?"

(A/N: Oooh… Be amazed at the inside-jokiness.)

"We're going to do everything we can," said the doctor, not even glancing at the woman. "In the meantime, you'll need to wait."

The group of African American women stopped walking, an occasional few blowing into their hankies.

"Come along now, chillun," said the older woman. "Let's go to the waitin' room. I'm sure he'll be just fine."

"But how do you know that, Mama?" asked a younger girl. "I _nevuh_ seen him so hurt before."

"I know," said the mom. "But all we can do now is pray."

Meanwhile, in the ER, the doctor was preparing for his emergency operation.

"We can fix him," said he, putting on a glove. "We have the technology. And just for the hell of it, let's spend a lot of money."

"Right," said one of the nurses, rapidly inserting an IV into the boy's arm. "It's a good thing that you've said that, doctor, because that shipment of destructive weapons you ordered just came in yesterday."

"Yes… We shall put them in good use. This boy will be a hero someday."

Meanwhile, in the waiting room, things weren't going so well.

"Chillun'! Chillun'!" shouted the mom as she rushed over to her group of girls. "What's goin' on hee-uh?"

"Francine is makin' fun of Victor!" said an extremely young girl, pointing an accusing finger at an older one.

The mom turned towards the latter. "Is 'dis true now, Francine?"

"Well, yeah!" said Francine. "I mean, I love Vic and all, but what kind of an idiot paints a _bomb target_ on the roof of his house? We're lucky we weren't there when that warplane dropped the bomb, or _none _of us woulda been able to get ovuh here!"

"Make her take it back, Mama!" said the younger girl.

"Now both of yus, stop it!" The mom looked at Francine. "You should be ashamed of yoself young lady! You know _very _well what yo brotha Victor has done for us evuh since yo daddy died!"

"I know, Mama…" said Francine, putting her green handkerchief near her eye. "And I know how he's used his prize money from athletics to support us."

"And how he's _always _helped us around the house," said the younger girl, nodding.

"And how he sings _so _well in the congregation…" said the mother. All the others in the group nodded in agreement.

The mother then spoke once again. "Come on now, chillun'. Let's just sit down for a while."

Hours came and went, and the family of women slowly began to fall asleep. In the ER, the doctor and nurses were well done with the operation and were playing a friendly game of Poker.

"Shouldn't we get his family now?" asked one of the nurses.

"Nah," said the doctor. "Let's let them wait."

Several hands went by.

"Long enough!" said the doctor, getting up. The nurses followed suit and began to clean up the room, which was littered with balloons and streamers.

"That was quite a party, huh?" asked Nurse #1 as the doctor left the room to get the family.

"Quite," said Nurse #2, sitting on a balloon to make it pop. "I'm _so _glad Rebecca's finally getting married."

"Me too. The groom's a hottie."

"No kidding. And that kid on the stretcher that we just operated on probably didn't look to bad either when he still had his body."

"…That's disgusting."

"Why?"

"Just… never mind."

The doors to the room burst open, allowing the doctor and the family access. The mother gasped and hurried towards the stretcher.

"Victor!" she cried, putting her hands on her son's face. "What did they do to you?"

Silence.

"Victor!"

Silence.

"VICTOR!"

"You need to turn him on, Ma'am," said the doctor. "Press his left eye."

The mother did as the doctor said and jumped back in fright when her boy suddenly sprang to life.

"Where am I?" he asked, his eyes widening as he saw his family and three strangers. "What happened?"

"Oh, Victor!" cried out the mother, giving her son an embrace. The other members of the family gathered around the stretcher, allowing the doctor and nurses to watch.

"Wow…" said the doctor. "I didn't think it would work. Well done, girls!"

"No kidding," said Nurse #2. "Something usually explodes by now, doesn't it?"

"Yeah," said Nurse #1, nodding. "That's why our hospital has been sued so many times."

* * *

"Hey Batman. Let's order a pizza."

"…Why?"

"Because… I'm hungry."

"We had pizza yesterday."

"But that doesn't mean we can't have it again _today_, does it?"

"…No."

"There you go."

"Can't we just have something else? I'm sick of pizza."

"Why?"

"Because we've had it every single night for the past few weeks."

"So?"

"So… it gets tiring."

"No it doesn't."

"Yeah. It does."

"No. It doesn't."

"Does."

"Doesn't."

"Does."

"Doesn't."

"…Gawd… You're so annoying."

"No I'm not!"

"Yes you are. Have you even heard your voice?"

A gasp.

"You bastard! I thought you knew!"

"Knew what?"

"I'm deaf! I've never heard the sound of my own voice… I read lips." A sob. "Only lips…"

(A/N: Credit goes to TitanGhost.)

"My sidekick is deaf? What the…"

"I'm missing a kidney, also."

"I don't believe this…"

"I find it somewhat hard to believe myself."

"This is incredible…"

"I've also got heart murmurs."

"I'm afraid to say you're going to have to leave, Robin."

"And a partial cata… What?"

"You're going to have to leave."

"Why? You've seen me fight! I'm good!"

"No. You're not. You flap your arms and run around. You suck miserably."

"OH! FINE! IF THAT'S THE WAY YOU WANT TO BE, I **QUIT**!"

"FINE! NOW I CAN HAVE SOMETHING OTHER THAN PIZZA!"

"FINE!"

"FINE!"

A moment of silence.

"Can I have one of your cars or something?"

"No."

"OK."

* * *

Seventy-five miles outside Los Demonios, Tamaran, a small group of people all looked at a shiny new spacecraft in front of them. Many of them were females with an occasional male, but, regardless of gender, all of them had long, stringy hair. Several of them had Xs carved into their foreheads.

"That's the badass you stole, Kori?" asked a guy in the front.

A girl with long red hair gained a grin and snorted. "Yeah. It totally rocks, doesn't it?"

"No shit. How many miles on it?"

"155."

"Groovy."

"Totally."

A girl standing next to Kori readjusted a baby she was holding. "Things will suck without you, Kori," said she. "It's a bummer that freak had to report you like that."

Kori once again snorted. "Yeah. But I doubt anyone will have an idea who I am on this… 'Earth' place. Of course, I'm probably going to have to act like some totally preppy bitch or something…"

"I just can't believe you were able to hide your X."

"Tell me about it. Thank God for paint."

The crowd murmured things such as "Oh yeah" and "Mhmm".

"Well," said Kori after the murmur died down. "Might as well get going."

Kori climbed into the spacecraft and turned it on. As she began her ascent, she waved, and everybody in the crowd waved back. Before she knew it, she was out of sight. Fifteen seconds of silence went by.

"This sucks," said the guy. "Come on everyone. Let's go snort some horse."

* * *

I'm sad to say the chapter's going to end here. I _was_ going to write how the Titans met each other along with this piece of flame, but uh… that would probably be a _little _long. I'm already almost over my limit. Of course, some of my readers may know that a couple of my chapters can reach well over twenty pages. I don't really feel like doing that, because now I have an extra chapter to make the fic longer! Yay!

Here's looking at you, Kid.

چ


	8. Chronology II

A/N: Sorry for not updating sooner everyone. Actually, I don't even feel like I should be apologizing. I mean, it's only a fic, right? …Right.

All I can say is that once I finish _The Red Death_, I should be able to update this fic on a weekly basis, just like I did my older ones. During that time I'll be thinking of another fic to type, and whether or not that'll delay updates I can't say. However, I do know that I was able to write two humor fics last year at the same time and still be able to update on every Friday; I'm hoping to assume that same method.

Enjoy, and shut up if you don't like it.

* * *

Azarath was a very confusing place. Not only did it lack directional signs for travelers on roads and a harbor for the oddly large amount of imported and exported goods, but it also housed a large, multi-storied airport in which any person, young or old, could get lost for hours and get a sudden feeling that they've obtained vertigo.

Such was the case with a girl in a dark blue robe. As she stood there with a large suitcase in her right hand and a map of the airport in her left, she wondered how in the hell a person could get where they were heading in this terrible place.

"It's like Wonderland…" said the youth, staring at nothing in particular. "I have a feeling I've been here before, but I… have…"

The girl looked at the floor in stupidity when realizing she hadn't taken one step ever since she entered the building.

"Well! No matter! I'll just… get my ticket and head to Earth!"

A small grin on her face, the girl looked to the left and the right, wondering where she was supposed to obtain her passport and one-way ticket out of here.

"This is gonna suck."

"Miss? Miss?"

The girl brought her attention back to the front of her, only to realize that she was standing right in front of the baggage check.

The girl only widened her eyes in confusion. "How…?"

A lady standing behind the desk (and from the girl's guess, the one that had been calling for her attention) raised her right eyebrow. "I take it you've never been to the Azarath Inter-dimensional Airport before, have you Miss?"

The girl shook her head. "No I haven't."

"Well, let me help you out here… There you go! Now just keep on walking until you see the big yellow sign. That's where your gate is."

This time, the girl raised an eyebrow. "But you haven't even taken my luggage."

The lady cocked her head to the side. "Whatever are you talking about, Miss?"

"Well, come on. It's right… Where'd it go?"

The lady cleared her throat, causing the girl to look back behind the desk. Sure enough, there was her one suitcase, ready for departure.

"How…?"

"You have a pleasant flight, Miss."

The girl was handed a passport and boarding pass, only to be shoved out of the way by a fat woman in an overcoat. Brushing off her robe, the girl looked ahead of her and stared in shock.

She was told to walk until she saw the large, yellow sign, yes, but _which _yellow sign?

"What are these people _on_?" asked the girl as she began walking, the numerous large and yellow signs getting closer and closer. If this didn't make things worse for her, the various gate numbers on each sign only confused her more and more. "Let's see… here's Gate 7… Here's Gate 9… **WHICH ONE AM I SUP**-"

"_Attention all flyers_," rang a voice over a PA machine, much like the voice of the woman behind the ticket desk. "_Those of you that are taking our non-stop flight to Jump City, California, United States, North America, Earth, The Milky Way, please make your way to Gate 5. Those of you are that are traveling to Varanasi, Uttar Pradesh, India, Asia, Earth, The Milky Way, please make your way over to Gate Ω for more details as to why we cannot play a video other than _Three Amigos _on the flight. And to those of you that aren't rebelling, thank you for choosing the Azarath Inter-dimensional Airport. We hope we'll see you again! ...Sorta…_"

The girl beamed in glee as she realized she was right in front of Gate 5. Marching up to the gate, she became the caboose of a line of at least two-hundred people.

"This is going to take for-"

"Miss? It's your turn, Miss."

Raven had to shake her head in order to believe what she was seeing. Sure enough, for reasons she couldn't explain, she was at the front of the line.

"What…? How…?"

"Enjoy your flight, Miss… Raven!"

The girl could only look down at her hands in shock after the lady shoved her checked ticket back in her palms. Looking up at the woman, she began to open her mouth to speak. However, before her larynx could produce any sound, she was shoved into the jet way by a fat woman in an overcoat.

Showing no signs of restraint, Raven continued to allow the woman to push her down the metallic tube and into the two-story jet. Looking at her ticket, she located her seat and sat down, ready for the seventeen hour flight from Azarath to Jump City, California, United States, North America, Earth, The Milky Way. However, she was somewhat disappointed when the fat lady took a seat right next to her. The woman smiled, and Raven tried her best to smile back, but the result was a wrinkled and nervous grin.

_"Ladies and Gentlemen, the captain has turned on the 'fasten seatbelt' sign. Please fasten your seatbelts and relax. Once we reach the appropriate height, the captain will turn the sign off and you will be able to move around the cabin. However, before we take off, our flight attendants will come down the aisles with beverages and bland snacks. Once again, thank you for choosing the Azarath Inter-dimensional Airport, where your comfort is our second priority, the first being able to provide for the jet's fuel!"_

"Hello!"

Raven looked into the aisle to find the ticket lady, standing behind a snack cart. Before she could even speak her mind, the flight attendant questioned what she and her "friend" wanted. Raven requested a can of _Stark Mad_™ soda, while her fat "friend" next to her took nothing.

Taking her soda, Raven stopped the flight attendant from continuing down the aisle.

"Excuse me… I couldn't help but notice that you've given me my ticket, checked my ticket, and given me a drink all within one hour. How are you able to get from place to place, and why don't you just keep one position?"

The flight attendant raised her right eyebrow, much like she did before. "I don't know what you're talking about, Miss."

"But I've seen you! You took my ticket! You _checked _my ticket! And now you're here, giving me a damn soda! What do you _mean _you don't know what I'm talking about?"

The woman gave a faint chuckle. "Why, my dear, you must've met my sisters!"

"…Your sisters."

"Yes! My identical sisters, Judy and Jane!"

"…Judy and… Jane."

"Yep! My other sister, Jolene, is your captain today."

The woman began to make her way down the aisle, but stopped once again. "By the way, Miss, if you ever need me, just ask for Joann."

Raven popped open her soda and took a large gulp. "Judy, Jane, Jolene, and Joann… Wow."

The jet plane began to take off, and within five minutes, the vehicle and its passengers were well beyond the borderline of Azarath and in the gap between dimensions. Raven had just finished her soda (and was feeling rather wired) when the fat woman next to her gently tapped her arm. Turning her head, Raven smiled drunkenly as the woman continued to knit on a scarf.

"My dear," began the woman, "would you like to learn how to knit?"

Before Raven could respond, the woman shoved two needles and a ball of yarn into her lap. Leaning back in her seat, she gave a solemn sigh.

"This is gonna suck."

* * *

In a quiet, desolate place, a young man of about thirteen years of age slowly approached his destination on his tricycle. It was one of those humorous scenes in which the rider was slowly making their way along, their body swaying left and right with each squeak made by the training wheels. Five seconds and eleven squeaks later, the boy reached his destination: the local RadioShack™.

Parking his tricycle in a handicap slip, the youth dismounted his cycle and walked inside.

Like the effect all RadioShacks™ have on grown-ups and children alike, the boy was immediately distracted by the many whatzits and gizmos. Of course, he didn't have _time _to check out everything in the store. The reason he was here wasn't to play with everything only to say that he wasn't going to buy it. No. He was here to pick up a vital piece of equipment.

His destination was clear: to go up to the front desk and request for the item he ordered. Nothing more, nothing less.

"Hello there," said he, walking up to the counter. "My name's Robin, and I'm here to pick something up."

A boy of about the same age, if not a few years older, focused his attention on the customer. He was a very large boy, but that wasn't what caught Robin's attention. The majority of his body was made out of metal, a few parts, such as a bicep and a part of his skull, covered with brown skin. What also brought attention was the bright, red eye he had in replacement of a normal one.

"Hello…" said the cyborg, his good eye half-closed and a hint of grogginess in his voice. "Welcome to RadioShack™. Can I help you with something?"

"Yes…" said Robin, trying to take his attention off the fake eye. "I'm here to pick something up. The name's Robin?"

The android picked up a clipboard and studied it. "Robin… Robin… Ah. Here it is. You're here to pick up a… hearing aid?"

"Right."

A moment of silence caused Robin to shift in uneasiness. For some reason, the android wasn't doing anything to help him with his pickup. He was just… standing there.

"Aren't you going to do something?" he finally asked.

"Huh…?" asked the android. "Oh… What do you need again?"

A faint tie mark began to appear on Robin's forehead as his eyes narrowed. "A hearing aid."

"Oh… That's right. I'm sorry, it's just that I'm new at this job, and I've been working so late that I-"

"Just… get it for me."

"Right."

The android walked away, leaving Robin alone in silence. The tie mark began to disappear and his eyes began to widen. "Just relax…" he told himself, closing his eyes to gain an inner peace. "There's no need to be angry… No need to be angry… No need-"

"Here you go, Sir."

Robin opened his eyes to see a small box in the open palm of the android. Smiling, he took the box and opened it up, examining its small contents.

"Yeah. That looks like the one I ordered."

"Very happy to hear that, Sir. Now will that be cash or charge?"

"Charge."

"Alrighty… There you are, Sir. You have a nice day, Sir."

Smiling widely, Robin turned around and began to leave. However, he was distracted when he heard someone yelling in the back of the store.

"**HEY EVERYONE! THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IS HERE!**"

Before he could even react, the store's occupants, from customers to workers, began to run in his direction, causing him to become a lump of trampled meat on the floor. The mob soon cleared up, however, leaving the android and a dazed Robin behind.

"Are you OK, Sir?"

Robin stood up and grabbed his head with his right hand, giving it a shake. "I think so… Just… Where's my hearing aid?"

"I think I found it, Sir."

Robin's mouth dropped open as the android lifted his left foot off the ground. There, on the floor and covered by shadows, was a smashed hearing aid.

"You…" began Robin, staring at the little pieces. "You stepped on my hearing aid…"

"I'm sorry, Sir. I didn't mean to, Sir."

"You stepped on my hearing aid!"

"Really, Sir. I apologize, Sir."

The android, however, gave out a very loud and feminine shriek when Robin leapt forth and began to strangle him.

"**YOU STEPPED ON MY HEARING AID!**"

"**AAAAAAAAH! 911! 911!"**

"**I'LL _KEEEEEEL _YOU!**"

"Oh my goodness!" came a voice from outside. "Somebody call 911!"

Robin, however, stood up and abandoned his victim on the floor. Raising his hands into the air, he gave a mighty battle cry and ran out of the store and into the crowded parking lot, where customers, workers, and an ice cream man stood watching in shock.

"**THEY'LL NEVER TAKE ME ALIVE!**"

With a mighty leap, the boy hopped onto his tricycle and peddled like a maniac. At an amazing five miles per hour, he made his way down the lot and into the highway, only to get run over by a police car.

* * *

We now take our reader to a cold, white room, only filled with seven wooden chairs in the formation of a circle. A man in a suit sat in the most northern chair, while the other people surrounded him. These people were not as well-dressed as he was, but each of them had something in common: they all wore expressions that clearly told the man they didn't want to be there.

"Right then…" began to man, clearing his throat and twiddling his thumbs. "Shall we begin?"

Phrases such as "Sure, why not?" and "I guess…" filled the room.

"OK. My name is Dr. Phil, and I'm sure you all know why you're here. Does anybody _not _know why they're here?"

A solitary person raised his hand.

"You're here because you can't control your temper," stated Dr. Phil matter-of-factly. "You're here because the law required you to take this week-long anger management course."

The person mouthed the word "Oh" and nodded his head.

"Right then. Let's start by saying who we are and why we're here." Looking to his left, Dr. Phil pointed at a girl with blonde hair. The girl stood up and cleared her throat.

"I'm Cindy," she stated, a melodic ring filling the room as she spoke. "And I honestly don't know why I'm here. I mean, the judge 'says' that I'm in charge of running my husband over, but really, he darted out in front of me."

"Cindy, that is a load of bullshit," kindly stated Dr. Phil. "Please sit down."

Cindy gave a huff and sat down, crossing her legs and blowing a strand of hair out of her face.

"And you?" asked Dr. Phil, motioning to the person right of Cindy.

"I'm Bobby, and I'm here because I threw a hamburger at a guy's face."

"Well that doesn't sound too bad," said Dr. Phil. "Are you leaving something out?"

"The hamburger was a bomb."

When Bobby sat down, a girl stood up, giving uneasy looks at Bobby.

"I'm Rebecca… and I castrated a man."

"…Why?"

"Because he was my boyfriend, and he kept cheating on me!"

"But he was cheating on you because he was married to another woman, Rebecca."

"Yeah… So?"

"So… Didn't you know that he was married when you were going out with him?"

"Yes."

"And yet you castrated him, even though he was cheating on his wife, but he dumped you to go back to her?"

"Yes."

"Go to Time Out."

Rebecca put her head down and walked to the back corner of the room, mumbling something about Dr. Phil being a big, fat doodoo-head.

"Now then," said Dr. Phil, motioning to the girl that was now sitting next to an empty chair. "You go."

The girl slowly stood up and clasped her hands. "My name's Raven, and I'm here because I shoved a pair of needles down a woman's throat."

Dr. Phil raised an eyebrow. "Wow. That's odd. Why did you do that, Raven?"

"Because she was forcing me to learn how to knit, and I didn't want to. So I did it. Luckily, I hardly did any harm. She was just sent to the hospital overnight. That's all."

"That's rather hard to believe… How did she stay alive?"

"Magic."

Dr. Phil crossed his eyes, a weirded out look on his face. "…OK… Um… You there! Why are you here?"

Raven sat down, causing a boy to stand up. "I'm Robin, and I'm here because I strangled a guy."

"Why did you do that?"

"He stepped on my hearing aid."

"But you got another one, didn't you?"

"Yeah…"

"Then what was the problem?"

"What, do _you _need one? He effin' stepped on my hearing aid!"

"OK! OK! I understand! Sit down and cool off, please!"

Robin crossed his arms and sat down. Raven shifted her eyes towards the boy as another one stood up to say his name and reason.

"What happened to the guy…" she asked, causing Robin to turn his head. "Is he OK?"

"Yeah," said Robin, looking back at Dr. Phil. "It's not like I could've hurt him, anyway."

"What do you mean?"

"He was a robot."

"…Oh…"

"By the way, you were saying something about magic… What did you-"

"**ROBIN! RAVEN!**"

The two teens looked at Dr. Phil in shock, a scared expression on their faces.

"**STOP YOUR FLIRTING BEFORE I SEND YOU TO TIME OUT!"**

"Flirting?" asked Raven, putting a hand over her chest. "We weren't flirting!"

"**DID _I_ SAY YOU WERE FLIRTING?**"

The two teens looked at each other in confusion, not knowing what to say.

"Um…" finally spoke Robin. "Is this a trick question?"

"**NO!**"

"OK… Yes, you did say we were flirting."

"**THEN YOU WERE FLIRTING! NOW SHUT UP!**"

The guy that was standing up gave the two teens a questionable look, causing them to once again look at each other in confusion.

"Note to you," whispered Raven, her mouth barely opening to speak. "Meet at _Joe's Coffee Shop _at 5:30."

"Right," mouthed Robin.

"**REBECCA! I SEE WHAT YOU'RE DOING BACK THERE, YOUNG LADY! NOW STOP IT BEFORE I SEND YOU TO THE PRINCIPAL!**"

* * *

In front of the RadioShack™, two friends were having a bit of a quarrel. Let's drop in, shall we?

"Come on, Robin," said Raven, a hint of assurance in her voice. "We've already talked about this."

"I know… I'm just afraid he'll cause a scene."

"What would he do? I mean, I'll doubt he'll scream and hide, and I _highly _doubt he'll call the police, who'll come and send you to a prison where you'll be abused and anally raped by scary, burly, hairy, sweaty convicts that have nothing better to do but lift weights and play ghettoed basketball."

Any signs of confidence Robin had vanished completely, leaving the boy a sad, worried soul. "Thanks for the reassurance," he said sarcastically.

"You're welcome!"

"But I don't see why we have to talk to him. I mean, do we want him that badly?"

"Well, come on. We both thought a crime-fighting organization would be a good idea, and you said yourself that this guy had a robotic body. I'm sure if we talk him into it, he'll put some kind of weapons of mass destruction and help us out, don't you think? And don't forget, Dr. Phil thinks it's a good idea for you to go up to him and apologize, so you're going to have to do it anyway."

"…Good point."

The two stood outside for another good ten seconds, leaves blowing across the cracked cement.

"Well…" said Raven, giving her friend a glance. "Shall we go in?"

"Might as well."

The two walked inside to find the store completely empty, sans a very large boy behind the counter. Recognizing this person as the one he assaulted, Robin waved and smiled friendly like.

"Hello there."

The boy brought his attention to Robin and as soon as he did, his face changed drastically. His good eye became twice as wide, his lips puckered up, and his eyebrow twitched.

"Wha… What are you doing here?" he asked, fear in his voice. "I thought you were supposed to be in jail!"

"Well…" began Robin, crossing his arms and looking down at the floor. "Technically, I was, but thanks to our wonderful court system and a fifty-dollar bill, I was able to get by with only an anger management class. And now, I'm here to apologize for what I did."

The cyborg leapt onto the counter, almost as if he was trying to get to a higher place in hopes of chasing Robin away. "Stay away from me…" he said, his lips quivering. "I can call for help! I can-"

"Oh good God," said Raven, rolling her eyes. "Look, he's not here to beat the crap out of your sissy ass. He's here to apologize. Really."

The cyborg looked at Robin, the signs of fear less obvious. "Really?"

Robin nodded. "Yeah. I'm here to say it, so I'll say it: I'm sorry."

The cyborg put a hand to his chin. "Hmm… You _sound _sincere. However, I've been given special, super-duper robotic abilities. I can tell if your lying or not, little man."

"Really?" asked Raven, growing slightly amused. "And what do your 'special, super-duper robotic abilities' tell you right now? Is the little man being honest, or is he two-faced?"

Robin quickly looked at Raven. "How did you know about Lord Voldemort?" he asked, a hint of worry in his voice.

Raven raised an eyebrow. "Who?"

"Um… Never mind."

"Well…" said the boy, looking at Robin straight in the eye. "My special, super-duper robotic abilities don't say you're lying. How about that?"

"Yeah…" Robin gave a nervous chuckle. "How about that?"

"Well, seeing that you've been so bold to come back here, I accept your apology."

Robin lifted both arms up in the air. "w00t!"

"Yes…" said Raven. "w00t. But now, special, super-duper person, we have something to ask of you."

"And what's that?"

"What other special, super-duper robotic abilities do you have?"

"Well!" The boy pumped his biceps and stood proud. "I have _incredible _strength, not to mention a cannon that shoots pretty blue lights and hurts like hell!"

"OOOOOOOOOH!" said Robin, clapping his hands. "Tell me more! Tell me more about the pretty lights!"

"Yes," said Raven. "Tell us more about the hott, sexy lights."

"Well…" The boy scratched his head. "There's not much else to say. It shoots pretty lights and hurts."

"That sounds pretty good." Raven nodded her head. "How would you feel if we asked you to join a crime-fighting team?"

"You mean like Cat Ballou?"

"No. I mean like the kind that actually goes around and kicks super ass, like Superman and such."

"Oh… Are you sure we can't be like her? She's cool."

"Yes. I'm very sure. The day you give me chaps and a gun is the day I crown this guy king."

Robin stood to the side, a finger deep in his nose and not paying any attention to the conversation.

"So what do you say?" resumed Raven. "You get a free house, no wage, and you get to hang out with an awesome person and a… semi-awesome guy. Are you in?"

"It depends," he said, finally getting off of the counter. "Do I get screaming fans?"

"No."

"Do I get to meet famous people?"

"No."

"Do I get to be recognized?"

"Yeah, but nobody's going to really care about you."

The android raised a fist. "I'm in!"

* * *

"This is where we live," said Raven, reaching into her pocket and pulling out a key. "We think you'll find it comfortable here."

Raven unlocked a door to reveal a completely trashed condo. A big-screen TV stood at the opposite wall, but everything else was completely wrecked. Clothes covered the couch, and I don't even _want _to tell you what was on the floor… Ugh.

"This is where I'm staying?" asked the android, dropping his suitcases in shock.

"Yeah," said Robin. "Is there a problem, Vic?"

"Um… Yes. It's terrible in here! My apartment was better than this!"

"Would you like to live with Mr. Tweed?" asked Raven, throwing the key onto a table.

"Who's Mr. Tweed?"

"The guy that you saw outside," stated Robin, sitting down on a stack of clothes and turning the TV on.

Victor pointed his thumb over his shoulder. "You mean the one in the box?"

"Right."

"No."

"Then shut up."

* * *

I loved writing this chapter… Loved it.

Review now!


	9. Chronology III

A/N: AAAAH! (dance) I have completed my bitchin' horror fic! The burden has been lifted off of my shoulders! (dances some more)

Anyways, I will probably be able to update this fic more often now. Hopefully once a week, like I used to. Of course, I have finals coming up soon, but I really don't give a rat's ass about them, anyway. But I have Christmas break coming after that, and, if you've stuck by me for a year now, you would know that I take holidays off.

I'm making it sound like I actually have an occupation… O.O

But anyway. I have an idea for a new fic building up, and I'll probably work on that some over the holidays. If I don't update by next week, you can know that I'll be enjoying the two weeks of me-time.

And hey, if I don't hear from you, Merry Christmas/Happy Chanukah! Yes… I said "Merry Christmas" and "Happy Chanukah". Not "Happy Holidays". I laugh at you, politically correct people. I LAUGH!

* * *

As the sun reached its peak in the sky, a boy zoomed down the street on an electric scooter, breaking the speed of sound. As he went by a house, leaving a sonic boom in his trail, he couldn't help but realize how great life had been to him. He had been raised by a mighty fine family, and even though his dad had failed to provide and died from a drinking binge, life still rawked. He now lived with two dear friends in a lovely condo on 5999 Richmond Street, and quite frankly, he couldn't be happier.

As he pulled into the condo-complex parking lot, moving at an amazing five miles per hour with a sonic boom hot on his tail, he couldn't help but hum to himself. He pulled into his parking space and turned the scooter off, causing the air around him to become as noiseless as… an inanimate object. Sure.

The boy had been carrying a brown paper sack on the back of the scooter (supposedly groceries), and as he walked towards his front door with the bag in hand, he couldn't help but sing to express he cheery mood.

This is the beautiful song he sang.

"_And the sign said  
_'_Long-haired freaky people need not apply'.  
So I tucked my hair up under my hat  
__And I went in to ask him why!"_

It was then that boy spotted a long-haired freaky man, sitting on the cold concrete with his back propped against the northern brick wall of the complex. He was clothed in a dark green jacket and loose-fitting bluejeans, a fedora covering his head and his hands shoved deeply in his pockets. His long gray hair was hanging over his shoulders, no doubt providing some unique feeling of warmth, and his equally long beard covered the majority of the front of the jacket. On his right was a cardboard box with an appropriately placed arrow pointing upwards on its side, the word "fragile" decorating the bottom. On his left was a cardboard sign which bore the words "Homeless and illiterate. No, really. I mean it."

"Hello Mr. Tweed!" shouted the boy, waving his free arm and smiling.

The hobo, who apparently went by the name of Mr. Tweed, brought his attention to the boy and did nothing.

"Hallo thar, Cyborg," said Mr. Tweed, doing nothing to gesture a greeting. "How're ya?"

"Just fine, thanks," responded Victor, not necessarily enjoying the nickname that Mr. Tweed had given him. He assumed that the hobo never knew his real name, so, out of creativity, produced the nickname "Cyborg" and had called him that ever since.

"Great. Jus' great. You tell de others 'hallo' fer me, OK?"

"Will do."

Victor continued his journey, and just as he took his second step, he heard Mr. Tweed saying something.

"Oh… I almos' fergot. Did you get that thing fer me?"

Victor snapped his free finger and peered into his bag. "Somewhere in here… Ah! Here it is!"

Victor reached into his bag and pulled out a long, green bottle, which he then tossed to the man on the ground.

"Much obliged, Cyborg. Much obliged."

Mr. Tweed popped off a cork that covered the top and took a long, generous sip of the contents inside. He then produced a bone-rattling cough as soon as he finished, causing Victor to flinch in the process.

"Are you alright, Mr. Tweed?"

"O' course I'm alright… I imagine I got you into some trouble back thar, didn't I?"

"No sir. They didn't give me one curious look."

"Great. Jus' great. Here's yer wage, then."

Victor waved his hand and shook his head. "No, sir. You don't have to pay me anything."

"'Course I do." Mr. Tweed revealed something from his pocket. "Here's a piece o' string. You've earned it."

Victor leaned over and took the string, which he then looked at closely.

"Gee… Uh… Thanks, Mr. Tweed."

"No problem." Mr. Tweed then produced another bone-rattling cough. "You get along now, OK?"

"Alright. See you later."

"Same 'ere. And remember to tell the others 'hallo'."

Victor only replied by smiling as he turned around to continue the rest of his trip. And it wasn't necessarily a long trip, either. All he had to do was enter a door and climb the staircase behind it, where he would reach the door to the condo.

Of course, he usually had to do something odd to actually get _in _the God-forsaken place… but he was just grateful to have a place at all, unlike the unfortunate Mr. Tweed outside.

Taking a deep sigh, Victor knocked on the door twice. As usual, a voice rang out from the other side.

"Who is it?"

"Vic," said Victor, slightly impatient and wanting to get inside.

"How do I know it's Vic?"

"Because he's not in the condo. Now let me in."

"…What's the secret poem?"

Victor's one eye widened in disbelief. "Come on, Robin! You want me to say the whole thing out _here_?"

"How do you know my name?" asked the voice from beyond. "Do you want in, or not?"

Victor sighed. "Fine.

"_The Teen Titans are the marvelous three  
__They'll prove it if you give them an opportunity.  
__And now, for fun, and because I am bored,  
__I'll introduce them to you, you filthy little whore._

_There's Robin, the leader, the best of them all!  
__Watch him do flips, and not even fall!  
__He can flap his arms and throw bombs real quick  
__And hit people with his pole… NO! NOT HIS _DICK!"

Victory turned around as if to see if anyone was listening. When he saw no one in sight, he continued the poem.

"_Now Raven, the founder, and darkest of them,  
__Likes listening to metal and destroying ghetto cribs.  
__And whatever you do, don't say she's emo,  
__For she'll strangle your neck, and beat you with a hoe._

_Now there's Victor, the big robot dude.  
__His technology's efficient and hardly crude.  
__But if you say to him that you like his bling,  
__He'll punch you in the gut and put you in a sling. _

_These are the Titans, so mighty and true.  
__If you ever need us, you know what to do.  
__That's right. Call us daytime or nighttime, whenever, toll free.  
__At 1-800-255-5433._"

Victor shifted his eyes to the left and right, as if waiting for someone to jump out of the walls, yelling "**SMILE! YOU'RE ON _CANDID CAMERA_!" **No such event occurred, however. Instead, the door in front of him opened, permitting access.

"We've really got to do something about our security system, Robin," said the android as he tossed the bag of groceries onto the floor. "It's ridiculous."

"What do you mean?" asked Robin as he shut the door. "It's _impossible_! No villain is going to be able to say the code word-for-word!"

"I somewhat have to agree with Vic, Robin," said Raven from a far end of the room. "It's annoying, and I hate my verse."

Victor looked at Raven in confusion. "What are you doing there, Rae?"

Raven turned her head and faced the android. She somewhat startled him, in a way. Large, red rings had formed around her eyes, and her pupils were quite small. He couldn't help but flinch in response, but he quickly recovered, realizing that was a very rude thing to do.

"Robin here figured out a way to know if crime's going on in the city."

"Really?" asked Victor, grinning. "That's great! What is it?"

"I sit here, in front of this window, see? And I look out of the window with this pair of large, bulky binoculars."

"Nice, huh?" asked Robin, grinning. "I got them at a pawn shop for three-hundred bucks! It magnifies objects up to a thousand times!"

"Yes…" said Raven. "And look at the rings that the eye-pieces put around my eyes. Aren't they 'nice' as well?"

"_I'll _say they are," said Robin, grinning even wider.

Raven sighed and went back to her job. Victor had long ago lost his grin, and though he hated to admit it, he felt… _sorry _for Raven.

"I'm going to go upstairs and see how the hotline's doing," said Robin, making his way towards the cluttered staircase. And as soon as he was gone, Victor could only raise an eyebrow in confusion.

"We have a hotline? Not just a phone?"

"Yeah," said Raven, not taking her eyes from the binoculars. "We just got it while you were gone. It's hideous. It's white, has chibi eyes, a freaky grin, and a red flashing bulb for a nose."

"Really?" Victor put a finger to his chin. "It sounds so… _familiar_."

"Tell me about it. I felt like I was in a different world."

"Yeah… I kinda feel that way too…"

A long period of silence went by; Raven continued to sit in front of the window, binoculars pressing against her face, and Victor, having nothing else to do, sat on the couch and turned on the television. It was only after dark that he decided to do something for the better.

"Come on now, Raven," he said after giving a sigh. "Get away from that window and come watch some TV or something."

"No," she responded. "Something could happen."

"Nothing's happened _all day_! It's seven o'clock now, and you've been at it since when? Nine?"

"Try five," she said, adjusting the lens.

"Five?" repeated Victor. "Are you sure?"

"Yeah. Remember when Robin told you to watch where you stepped when you went to look out the window, and you said you nearly tripped over a big ottoman?"

"Yeah…"

"That was me."

"Oh. Sorry."

"Perfectly fine."

"But seriously… let's get out of here. OK?"

"Well…" Raven lowered her binoculars. "I guess it wouldn't hurt to leave for a little while. My eyes need a break, anyway."

"Most excellent!" Victor stood up and turned off the television. "I know a nifty little club we can go to. Admission's cheap, and we're old enough to drink there! Of course, we'd have to hurry if we want to do that. Their _Dr. Pepper _stock is limited."

Raven smiled faintly and got up, leaving her bulky binoculars on the windowsill. The two left, and the room was filled in silence.

If one had been looking out of the window at that time, however, they would have been able to notice one of the distant skyscrapers go up in flames. Shortly afterwards, Robin came running down the stairs, waving his arms in a frantic manner.

"**THERE'S A _MANIAC_ BURNING _BUILDINGS_!**" he shouted, excitement in his voice. "**THIS IS OUR FIRST ASSIGNMENT! LET'S MOVE OUT, GUYS!**"

He soon quit flailing his arms, however, when he realized that no one was in the room.

"Guys?"

* * *

"So that's one bottle of _Dr. Pepper _and a cappuccino for the little lady," said a waiter as he wrote down a couple of letters on a notepad.

"That's right," said Raven. "Oh… And one more thing."

"Yes?" asked the waiter, ready to take more notes.

Raven leaned over the table from her seat, where she pointed her index finger at the lined paper. "Make a note that if you or anybody else in this club calls me 'little lady' once again, I will personally come over and set fire to all tables in this building."

The waiter looked at the empath in confusion. Victor, on the other hand, nodded.

"Keep it zipped, Bud. She means it."

"I am a bitch," said Raven, evil shining in her eyes. "Fear me."

The waiter slowly nodded his head as his forehead began to sweat from fright, a small stain appearing on the crotch of his pants.

"Now," said Raven. "Try it again."

"O-OK… That's one _Dr. Pepper _a-and one c-cappuccino for… for the bitch."

"Good. Now go."

Raven did not need to speak twice, for in a split second, the man was _gone_. Victor, on the other hand, only looked at Raven with concern.

"You do realize that you've just ruined your image as a nice defender of good, right?"

Raven leaned on her hand, her other one playing with a napkin. "No, I really can't say that I do. However, I'm willing to embrace the fact that I have made a grown man piss his pants."

As Victor laughed, the said man came back to their table, two drinks in his hand. He did not take his time, however. Instead, he simply threw the drinks down and ran.

"Hey," said Victor after twisting the cap off of his drink. "The live entertainment's about to start."

"They have live entertainment?" asked Raven, about to take a sip from her cappuccino.

"Yeah. Sometimes it's really good, but they also hire a bunch of untalented saps. I know the owner… He's a really nice guy, and can't stand it when he sees people without a job. So he gives them one."

"That's very kind. Disgusting… but kind."

No response came from Victor's mouth, for the show was about to begin.

It was rather odd, at first. Nothing actually happened, but it was the fact that the entertainer for tonight was a kid, and from the looks of it, slightly younger than Raven. And besides that, he was… green.

"That's a disturbing kid," said Raven, turning her cappuccino in her hands.

Victor nodded. "And from the looks of it, a vegetarian."

"Oh. Brilliant."

"Hello there everyone," said the boy, picking up a microphone off of the stand as four older guys and a chick set up instruments behind him. "We are known as Followed Blimp, and we are going to sing you one of our favorite songs, and hopefully… one of yours. **AC/DC AND _THUNDERSTRUCK_!**"

As soon as this was said, the guitarist began jamming out, while everyone else on stage bobbed their heads up and down while singing.

"_Ah ah ah ah ah ah aaaaah.  
__Ah ah ah ah ah ah aaaaah.  
__Ah ah ah ah ah ah aaaaah.  
__Ah ah ah ah ah ah aaaaah._"

"Ah man…" said Victor, smiling. "I love this song."

"I loved this song."

"Loved?" Victor looked over at his friend.

"Yes," said Raven, readjusting herself. "These guys are… bleh."

"_Ah ah ah ah ah ah aaaaah. THUNDER!  
__Ah ah ah ah ah ah aaaaah. THUNDER!  
__Ah ah ah ah ah ah aaaaah. THUNDER!  
__Ah ah ah ah ah ah aaaaah. THUNDER!_

_Ah ah ah ah ah ah aaaaah. THUNDER!  
__Ah ah ah ah ah ah aaaaah. THUNDER!  
__Ah ah ah ah ah ah aaaaah. THUNDER!  
__Ah ah ah ah ah ah aaaaah. THUNDER!_

_Ah ah ah ah ah ah aaaaah. THUNDER!  
__Ah ah ah ah ah ah aaaaah. THUNDER!_"

The green kid then brought the microphone closer to his lips, and everyone else on stage stopped singing.

"_I was caught  
__In the middle of a railroad track! _

_THUNDER!_

_I looked round  
__And I knew there was no turning back!_

_THUNDER!_

Um…_ Blah blah blah!  
__Blah blah blah blah blah blah blah!_

_THUNDER!_

_Blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah  
__Blah blah blah! _

THUNDER!

_Somethin' somethin'…  
__Something or another…  
__Blah blah blah.  
__YOU'VE BEEN THUNDERSTRUCK!_

_RODE DOWN THE HIGHWAY!  
__BROKE THE LIMIT, WE HIT THE TOWN!  
__WENT TRHOUGH TO TEXAS! YEAH TEXAS!  
__AND WE HAD SOME FUN!_"

"I see what you mean," said Victor.

"Mmm…"

"Well… it's not that everyone on here sucks. Just the green kid."

"How much are you willing to bet that someone's going to jump up on stage and beat the crap out of him?"

"You first."

"Twenty bucks. Double or nothing."

"Deal."

And the two continued to sit, talking about… things… and listening to the terrible screeches of the green kid.

* * *

"That was an awesome show tonight, guys!" shouted Garfield Logan as he and his band got backstage. "Not bad at all!"

"**YOU FORGOT _HALF_ THE LYRICS OF THE DAMN SONG!**" shouted a man with long, red hair as he pinned the singer up against the wall. "**OUT OF ALL THE TIMES WE WENT ON, YOU HAD TO PICK _THIS _NIGHT TO SCREW UP!**"

"Chill out, Rocko!" said the kid, not at all traumatized by the fact he was about to get the crap beaten out of him. "It wasn't too terrible now, was it?"

"I'd have to agree with him, Gar," said a black-haired girl in fishnet stockings as she took a puff from a cigarette. "You were rather… well… you sucked."

"But didn't you hear the applause coming from that audience?" Garfield grinned widely.

"**THEY ONLY APPLAUDED WHEN YOUR MICROPHONE BLEW A FUSE!**" shouted Rocko, clenching his teeth and getting right in Garfield's face. "**AND SIGHED WHEN SOMEONE CAME UP THERE AND FIXED IT!**"

"But they applauded when we left! Doesn't that mean anything to you?"

A portly bald man walked briskly by the band, snapping his finger once as he did so.

"In my office Garfield," he said, not stopping to look at the boy. "Now."

"Probably wanting to congratulate me for my outstanding performance!" grinned Garfield as Rocko let go of his grip. "I guess I'll see you guys in Nashville, hmm?"

The rest of the band watched as the boy followed the man, smacking his behind in the process.

Within a brief five seconds, Garfield Logan had entered the man's office and sat down. The owner of the office was sitting on the opposite side of a desk, lighting a cigar and propping his feet up.

"Do you know _why _I hired you, Garfield?"

Garfield smiled widely. "Because you knew we had talent?"

"Correction." The man pointed his cigar at the door. "Your _band _had talent. I wouldn't have hired you if I hadn't felt sorry for you."

"What are you saying, Tom?"

"I mean I only hired you because I wanted you to have a small salary to support yourself with. I don't like the way you sing, Garfield. You suck. You suck miserably."

"Are you trying to tell me that…?"

"Yes, Gar. You're fired."

Garfield stood up quickly, his jaw quivering.

"Fine! Just fine! But I'm telling you _now_, you're making a _big _mistake! Someday, I'm going to be a famous cocky little bastard making twenty million a year, and someday you're going to think about how you thought I sucked and _hope _that I come back to support your crappy club! While in the end, you and everyone else here will be a tiny little footnote on my **epic ass!**"

Garfield Logan turned around and pointed at his butt while Tom just sat there, waiting patiently for him to leave.

"Please go."

"Right."

* * *

"I can't believe it… Such a tragedy. Such a _tragedy_."

Raven shook her head as she lifted her black veil to dab her eyes with a lace handkerchief.

"Well…" said Cyborg, shaking his head. "He died happy, that's for sure."

It had been a horrible, _horrible _day. The sadness had begun as soon as Raven and Cyborg arrived home from their night of clubbing, only to be greeted by Mr. Tweed.

**FLASHBACK!**

"_**RAVEN! CYBORG! OVER HERE!**"_

_Cyborg and Raven looked around in confusion, wondering who had called their name so unexpectedly._

"_Right in front of ya!"_

"_Mr. Tweed!" said Victor, grinning. "Hi there!"_

_The man was still in his everyday attire, but he no longer had a depressed look on his face. Instead, he was grinning widely, showing off all four wooden teeth and waving his arms around. _

"_Why so excited, Tweed?" asked Raven. "Did the supermarket lower its _Jack Daniel's _price again?"_

"_Even better!" he shouted, hopping for joy. "I've just won the lottery!"_

_Victor and Raven stood in shock, unable to believe the good news. _

"_That's wonderful, Mr. Tweed!" shouted Victor. "Congratulations!"_

"_How much did you win?"_

"_200 million dollars!"_

_Raven and Victor only stood there in greater disbelief. They were so happy for their friend!_

"_I can't believe it," said Raven. "Ever since I've lived here he's been telling me about how wonderful it would be for him to win the lottery. And now… he's done it!"_

_Victor gave a sniff and wiped his good eye. "I'm so… happy for him!"_

_The two friends watched in utter bliss as their companion danced around in the street, screaming random interjections to express his happiness. _

_However, Raven soon broke the moment by giving a loud gasp. _

"_TWEED! LOOK OUT!"_

_**SPLAT!**_

**END FLASHBACK!**

The three musketeers: Robin, Cyborg, and Raven, shook their heads in sadness as they approached their condo.

"Why did it have to happen that way?" asked Raven as she blew her nose into the handkerchief. "Why?"

"I get what you're saying," said Robin, frowning. "I always expected he would die from alcohol poisoning or something. But… wow."

"And he had just won the lottery, too," said Victor.

"He was such a good friend," said Robin.

Raven looked at her handkerchief in disgust. "The best."

Victor sighed. "I've decided I'm going to do something for him."

"What's that?" asked Raven, throwing her handkerchief away. "Buy him a better casket?"

"No, but I have to admit, that wouldn't be a bad idea. Pine boxes are so ugly."

"What are you going to do, Vic?" asked Robin.

"I'm going to… change my name!"

Raven and Robin looked at their friend in confusion. "What you talkin' 'bout, Victor?"

"He was always calling me Cyborg… and even though I despised the name completely, I shall now be known as... **CYBORG**!"

Triumphant fanfare echoed throughout the air as Victor stood there in a superhero-like pose.

"But…" began Raven. "Victor…"

"**DO NOT CALL ME VICTOR! **Victor was my _old _name. I am now… **CYBORG!**"

More fanfare.

"You! Mr. Narrator type person!"

Yes?

"Make that a mental note. You are now to call me Cyborg and nothing else!"

Yes, Cyborg. Of course.

"And if you _dare _slip up and call me Victor, I shall come over to your house and cut you!"

Of course, Cyborg. Whatever you say.

"Well," Cyborg sighed. "I guess that's that, then. The only thing left to do is…"

Raven tapped Cyborg on the shoulder and pointed. Cyborg, curious to see what was there, turned around to see a green kid rummaging through a garbage can.

* * *

Wow… A cliffhanger. Not exactly a "Z0MG WUT I5 G0ING 2 HAPP3N N3XT!" cliffhanger, but a cliffhanger nonetheless.

Review. Now.


	10. Chronology IV

The events that are about to be told in this chapter of the fanfiction are not exactly heart-warming. Below lists the series of completely brutal, torturous, and cruel happenings between two seemingly harmless teenage boys. Of course, if you know me, you would take these warnings as lightly as you'd take the warnings on the backs of Lemony Snicket's crappy books, except there's no way that you can kill this thing for pleasure. Of course, there's probably some way you could do it, but let's not focus on that right now. Instead, we are going to focus on the tale of Cyborg and Beast Boy.

Anybody that's seen the show would know that Cyborg and Beast Boy are rather good friends. However, that was not always the case. The fact is, they've despised each other for as long as anyone can remember, and it wasn't until the summer of 2003 that they officially established a true friendship. But until then, from the day they had met, they had been causing a disturbance in the condo with a feud, and while Robin and Raven tried to stay out of it as much as they possibly could, they were sometimes forced into the battle.

It had all started when the three had discovered Beast Boy rummaging through a garbage can outside of their condo. Raven reminded Cyborg that he was the one that had been performing in the club the night before, and while she and Robin went over to check him out, Cyborg stood by himself, already feeling a spark of hatred grow inside of him.

You see, Cyborg's best friend, Mr. Tweed, had been tragically hit by a car after he had won the lottery. Cyborg was at a complete loss, and to make him feel even worse, here was a new hobo, taking his best friend's place!

"So I was fired from my job at the club downtown," he could hear the green kid saying, "and I just ended up here."

"That's… unfortunate…" said Raven, giving the boy a good look-over (not in a fluffy way… Gawd). "We were there the night you got fired. You weren't _too _bad."

"I know," said the boy, a cocky look on his face. "Everyone knows it, especially the chicks. They can't get enough of me."

"Don't be so sure…" Raven mumbled under her breath. Meanwhile, Robin was asking questions on his own.

ZOMG CELEBR8!

"Why are you green?" he asked, feeling a small sense of accomplishment as he spoke these words. "Are you a vegan?"

"Yes, I am," said the boy. "And I could tell you why I'm green, but I would rather not say. The memories are too painful to bear."

Cyborg gave a small smirk, but he wouldn't have been able to explain why if someone asked him. For some reason, hearing the fact that the green kid didn't like his past was joy to his ears.

"But I guess I benefit from it, after all. I can turn into animals."

Cyborg's jaw seemed to have fallen off of its hinges as he heard this. If he wasn't mistaken, that would mean that… that…

"OH MY GOD!" he suddenly shouted, giving him the attention of the other three. "THE _ANIMORPHS _SERIES _IS _A SERIES OFTRUE EVENTS!"

"You'll have to excuse our friend," said Raven, hoping that their new friend wouldn't have minded the sudden distraction. "He just experienced a loss."

"That's quite alright," said the boy, showing no signs of concern. "I used to be with a couple of drug-abusers myself."

"But…" began Robin, raising an eyebrow. "Cyborg doesn't _take _drugs."

"Oh… I'm so sorry…"

"But anyways," said Raven, grabbing the green kid by the hand. "Come, and we shall show you your new home."

W

At one o'clock the next morning, each member of the household had gone to bed. It had been quite a tiring day for all of them; Raven, Robin, and Cyborg had experienced the loss of a dear friend, and the new kid (now known as Beast Boy) was now living in a place with new friends, and he knew _very _well that they would provide for him.

Even now, as he climbed up the stairs to his new room, he couldn't help but think about how blessed he was to have been able to find such company. Of course, he knew very well that they probably wouldn't have taken him in if it hadn't been for the accident that had happened six years ago, but the point is it did, and for the first time since that moment, Beast Boy was grateful to have a hateful mother.

However, he would soon find out about someone else that hated him, and this would strike the beginning of a horrible feud in their small, peaceful home. But right now, as he climbed the stairs, he thought to himself about the others.

_Holy crap, that Raven girl is so hott. I'd have _any _girl that wears a skin-tight leotard. Of course, put one on a chick like Joan Rivers and I'd have someone gouge my eyes out with a rusty spoon. Hell, I'd do it myself. And while I'm at it, I'd just take out my kidneys for donation. Why need someone cut 'em out for you after you've seen Joan Rivers in a leotard? Your eyes would be bleeding, of course, which would explain why you'd have to get rid of those. Here's an idea: why don't I just fucking kill myself quickly instead of slowly? No one deserves to be in that kind of pain, and I wouldn't wish it on Joan Rivers… Yes, that's right. I hate her, don't I? Mmm… I am such an evil twit. I wonder if Raven likes evil little twits. _I _certainly like evil little tits, and… WHOA! SLIP OF THE TONGUE! SLIP OF THE TONGUE! MAN, WHERE IS MY BOTTLE OF _**SCOPE**_? I HAVE _GOT _TO WASH THIS BAD-BOY OUT!"_

Beast Boy, however, did not have time to look for his bottle of _Scope. _For all I care, he doesn't even have a bottle of _Scope_. The point is he has noticed something on his nightstand as soon as he entered his bedroom.

_It's a letter…_ he thought to himself as he picked up a blank envelope. He quickly tore it open and removed its contents to reveal a piece of computer paper, covered with letters that looked as though they had been clipped out of several magazine articles. Tossing the envelope aside, he sat down on his bed and began to read. Yes, he _can _read.

_Dearest Beast Boy,_

_You suck. You suck balls. I do not like you, kind sir, and I do not want you around. From the time you have opened this letter, you have 24 hours to get out of this condo and somewhere far, far away. Yes, that's right. I'm watching your every move. I have installed cameras in your room, and I know how long it has been since this letter has remained unopened. _

_Do not try to figure out who I am. If you do, I will come over and kill you before you have the chance to get out. Besides, either way, you can not find out who I am. I have taken the necessary precautions to keep that from happening. _

_Get out as fast as you can. _

_Sincerely yours,_

_Cyborg._

Had this been a cheesy anime, Beast Boy would've fallen off of the bed and landed on the floor face-first. However, no such thing happened, for the author hates anime with a passion, a few exceptions applying.

"Why would Cyborg want me out?" he muttered aloud, rereading the letter once again. "And why did he put cameras up in my room?"

Upon this note, Beast Boy looked up from the letter with a shocked look on his face, then looked up and around the ceiling, wondering where the damned cameras could've been.

Having no hope of finding them, Beast Boy stood up on his bed and pulled his pants down, lifting his butt up into the air and turning himself around 360 degrees.

He apparently did this at the wrong time, however, for his door opened to reveal a wide-eyed and open-jawed Raven.

Beast Boy, out of shock, stood in the position he was currently in and looked at his new friend innocently. "Um…" he began, feeling slightly uncomfortable. "Hello."

Raven remained frozen, her right eyebrow twitching slightly.

_Twitch. Twitch twitch._

Suddenly, in a mad frenzy, Beast Boy lunged off of his bed and shut the door, creating a barrier between him and the empath. As he leaned against it for extra support, he was saddened when he heard the sounds of vomiting on the other side.

T

Twenty-eight hours had gone by since Beast Boy opened the letter, and the last four were the noisiest yet. Of course, that is to be expected, seeing that you have guns firing in the halls, light bulbs being dropped from high places, and trained, ferocious mice running throughout the condo.

Shortly after waking up, Beast Boy had gone to Cyborg to ask him what his deal was and if there was some way the two could work it out peacefully. After seeing that he had stupidly signed the letter, Cyborg demanded that the changeling get out of his sight. He still had twenty-four hours to get somewhere safe, and if he didn't heed his warning, Cyborg would declare war.

Beast Boy, of course, refuses to take commands, so… we all know what happened.

Of course, all math aside, this means that the war would've started at precisely 5:34 in the morning on the third of May. Raven, who preferred to go to bed at twelve and wake up at eight, was rudely awakened by the sound of breaking glass. Wondering what was going on, she got out of bed and put on her black robe and slipped on her bunny slippers. Holding her arms to warm herself, she shuffled her feet to the door and opened it slightly, just enough for her to peak her head out of the window. She was slightly surprised to see five wee mice scurrying across the room.

"What…?" she asked herself, watching the mice turn a corner and disappear. Curious, she began to give chase. Two minutes later, she watched in amazement as these mice confronted another band of mice and leapt at each other.

As the two groups of mice wrestled on the carpet for a brief five minutes, Raven lost interest and decided to make a journey to the kitchen, where she would fetch herself a small glass of water and a cookie. Before she could reach the stairs, however, she felt five fingers wrap around her ankle and pull her down to the floor.

"Shh…" she could hear someone whisper. "Don't say a thing…"

Raven was very confused as of now… Not only did she not know who had her captured, but she didn't exactly know _why _she was supposed to be quiet.

It was then that she saw her good friend, Cyborg, his built-in flashlight on. He was armed with a slingshot and five sixty watt light bulbs.

Even though she had no idea what was going on, she decided to do what the stranger told her and keep quiet, despite the fact she desperately wanted to know why her friend had such a serious look on his face. She saw him stop as soon as he reached the landing, turn his head in her direction, and once again began to walk, supposedly to his room.

As soon as he disappeared, Raven felt the fingers slowly unwrap around her ankle. She got up quickly and turned to whoever had just caught her, ready to fight if she needed to.

"Relax," came the voice again. "It's just me."

"Beast Boy?" asked Raven, growing even more and more confused. "Why did you just hide from Cyborg?"

"The guy wants to kill me," muttered Beast Boy. "We've declared war upon each other."

"…What?"

Beast Boy reached into his pocket and pulled out a scrap of paper. "Read this," he said, handing it to Raven.

Raven took the paper from the changelings hand and read, her eyes squinting more and more after every line.

"I'm not sure if I believe this, Beast Boy."

"Are you calling me a liar?"

"Yes."

"Come on, now. You saw the way he looked around when he came up here. He obviously wants to kill me."

"What do you want me to do about it?" asked Raven. "Put a restriction order on him?"

"Actually… that's a good idea. Yeah…"

"I wasn't being serious."

"You weren't?"

"No."

"Oh… OK."

The conversation was broken when the two heard a series of high-pitched squeaks coming from down the hall.

"That's the 'code red' call! Me mice are in danger!" Beast Boy got up off the ground and ran down the hall. Raven, having no idea what else to do, followed him.

There, where she had once stood for a good long while, lay three bloody and somewhat maimed mice.

Beast Boy dropped to the floor, his face hanging over the bodies of the somewhat cute little rodents. "No…" he softly said to himself.

"Wha…?" asked Raven, raising an eyebrow as she noticed the mice. They looked as if they had been killed and then rearranged to give the scene a tragic look.

"My battalion has lost," said Beast Boy. "But… I only see three mice here. Cyborg's mice must've taken the other two captive..."

Beast Boy stood up and shook his fist at Cyborg's door.

"OK, YOU BASTARD! PREPARE TO BE BEATEN!"

G

Robin sat on the floor, bored out of his mind. He currently had on a military hat that appeared to be too large for his head and now bore a shiny silver badge. In front of him was a small card table, and on this table was a map of the condo. Several plastic mice were placed across the map, some of them black and some of them white.

"OK, Robin. Here's the plan."

Cyborg was also dressed up as Robin, but _his _military hat fit perfectly and he wore a gold badge instead of a silver one. In his right hand he held a small pointer, which he used to scoot one black mouse across the map to a different place.

"We'll move Skipper's army over to this place, see," he began, giving Robin a small glance every now and then. "This way, Beast Boy's battalion won't be able to get out. He'll be trapped like a rat!"

"Cyborg," began Robin. "That has got to be one of the crappiest puns this author has ever used."

"Tri doesn't believe in puns," said Cyborg, tapping Robin on the head with the pointer. "Now shut up and listen."

"Yes sir."

"Anyways, after that battle is done, we'll send Hymie's army over to the kitchen, where we'll start a battle with the army that Beast Boy's put in there. The army Beast Boy has here is very small… and if things go according to plan, they'll send a distress call for reinforcements. More of his mice will come to that battle, leaving a small amount left to protect him. That's when you and I burst into his room with my mice, and while the mice do their thing, we'll do our thing and shoot him. OK?"

"But I don't want to shoot Beast Boy," said Robin, suddenly sounding like a whiney little child. "Beast Boy's my **_frieeeeend_**!"

"I honestly don't care. Now get some sleep, Private. We've got a big day tomorrow."

"Rawk," said Robin, getting up and walking out of the room.

W

Raven looked at her small slingshot, a confused look on her face. "Now what are we doing with these?"

"We're infiltrating Cyborg's base!" shouted Beast Boy, slightly agitated. "If I've said it once, I've said it a million times!"

"But this is the first time you've told me."

"Do you think I actually _care_? Gawd!" Beast Boy rolled his eyes as he stealthily crept his way down the hall. Raven, not about to walk on her tiptoes, just followed slowly, taking a step every five seconds.

"Why don't we have the guns if we're infiltrating his base? Wouldn't the light bulbs be too small to do anything?"

"Cyborg's not here. We're just going in to find out what he's planning so we can stop him."

"Then why do we even have the light bulbs and slingshots?"

"There could be security mice in his room."

"So?"

"So… They're mice, Raven! They have these retardedly sharp teeth and won't quit chewing until they taste your marrow! Now shut up and wait for me to tell you what to do!"

Raven mumbled something inappropriate to write, so… she mumbled.

After several minutes, the two made their way across the hall and were now standing outside of Cyborg's room. Beast Boy pressed his ear against the door and listened carefully. He then turned back to Raven and motioned for her to follow.

He slowly opened the door as if waiting for something to jump at him. Nothing did, however, and once he realized the room was well empty, he pushed the door open with enough force for the knob to hit the wall. Raven entered as well, looking around as she did so. She had never been in Cyborg's room before.

"Keep a light bulb ready," said Beast Boy. "You never know when they'll… BINGO!"

Beast Boy cackled as he discovered the small card table in the middle of the room. Raven stood next to the changeling and looked at it as well, studying it carefully.

"Oh, he thinks he can fool me, does he?" asked the changeling. "Little does he know that I'll have the whole battalion waiting for him… Hehe…"

Raven widened her eyes in shock as she felt something biting into her legs. She looked down and gasped when she saw a small mouse sinking its teeth into her flesh. She pulled the slingshot band back and fired a light bulb, which hit the mouse in the face and caused it to rocket towards the ground.

Beast Boy, aware of the events, looked around the room in shock. Raven did as well, and the two were surprised to see at least fifty mice poking their heads up from various objects.

Within a matter of seconds, one of the bigger mice squeaked out a battle cry, and each mouse began to charge at the empath and changeling.

"GAAH!" screamed Beast Boy as he fired a light bulb. "THERE'S TOO MANY OF THEM!"

"What do we do?" asked Raven, rapidly shooting down mice.

"RAPID FIRE!"

The two moved about the room, trying their hardest to avoid the sharp teeth of the fiery rodents. To their surprise, however, Cyborg and Robin burst into the room with cocked pistols.

"PUT YOUR HANDS UP!" shouted Cyborg. "SURRENDER OR I'LL HAVE THE MICE TEAR YOU TO SHREDS!"

"NEVER!" shouted Beast Boy as Raven rapidly put her hands in the air. "I WILL GO DOWN WITH PRIDE!"

As soon as he ended this sentence, a faint ringing filled the room. The four looked in confusion as did the mice, who began gibbering to one another.

"Oh," said Cyborg, putting down his gun. "That's my phone. 'Scuse me."

He pressed a button on his arm. "Hello?" he asked.

_"Is this Mr. Victor Stone?"_

"Perhaps. Who are you?"

_"My name is Miss Virginia Anthony, and I am the legal representative of Mr. Jonathon H. Tweed III."_

Cyborg looked at Raven and Robin with a confused glance, who seemed to be returning the look as well. "I'm sorry… You must have the wrong person. Mr. Tweed was…"

_"Extremely wealthy, I know. He left some things in his will for you and I'm going to have to ask you to come and see me. When can you come?"_

Cyborg shrugged, despite the fact that he knew very well she couldn't see it. "We can come anytime."

_"How does 1:30 this afternoon sound?"_

"Fine by me."

_"Wonderful. My office is located in the Stafford Business Complex on the third floor. Room 252. And please… don't be late."_

The sound of a receiver being hung up could be heard from Cyborg's arm, causing a moment of silence to fill the room.

Noise resumed, however, when Beast Boy shot a light bulb at Cyborg's good eye, hit it, and taking advantage of the distraction, ran away.

3

Raven, Robin, and Cyborg each stepped into the small waiting area, where they quickly took in their surrounding. Five chairs sat against the left hand wall while a woman behind a desk scribbled on a notepad in the upper-right hand corner.

Raven and Robin quickly took a seat while Cyborg went over to the desk, spoke some words with the woman, and soon made his way so he could sit in one of the chairs as well.

As Raven quickly reached into her pocket to pull out the _New York Times _crossword puzzle, Robin pulled out of his pocket a travel-sized coloring book. He later pulled out a case of colored pencils, selected a yellow one, and quickly set to work on coloring Pikachu.

As soon as the Boy Wonder finished coloring the rodent's face, the door on the far side of the room opened to reveal a woman with a brown "wings" haircut and wearing a gray, typical business dress. Her cheeks were high and bony, and her eyes had a look that said "I'm a lawyer, so do what I say or I'll turn around and bitchslap you in the face".

"Is Victor Stone here?" she asked, her voice raspy and somewhat irritated.

"Yes," said Cyborg, gesturing to himself. "If you don't mind, I brought some of my friends that knew Mr. Tweed."

The woman merely glared at Robin and Raven, who sat in their chairs feeling cornered. "Fine," she said. "Just follow me."

The three left their chairs and followed the woman, who had turned left and was now walking down a narrow hallway. Her steps were quick and her strides short, as if her groin only bore a small amount of elasticity.

She quickly opened a door on the right side of the hall which bore the title _Virginia Anthony_.

The three immediately recognized the name and followed her into the room. It was very small; it would probably only fit twenty people if all of the furniture had been taken out. The only furniture was a small loveseat and two recliners, a glass coffee table between them. Miss Anthony took a recliner, and Robin and Raven, feeling that Cyborg should've been the one to make direct conversation to the lawyer, took the loveseat.

"Toffee?" asked Miss Anthony, grabbing a tin off the coffee table and shoving it in Cyborg's lap.

Cyborg obliged by removing the lid and selecting a morsel before passing it to Raven.

"First of all," began Miss Anthony, "let me give you my condolences for your loss."

The three Titans merely muttered things such as "Yeah", "Thanks", "OK", and so on while digging through the toffee tin.

"May I ask how well you knew Mr. Tweed?"

"Well," said Raven, cramming a second toffee into her mouth. "Robin and I… that's this guy over here, had known him ever since we bought our condo, which would've been… two months ago."

"And what about you, Mr. Stone?" asked Miss Anthony, turning her attention to Cyborg. "How long did you know him?"

"About the same."

"He was very fond of you, Mr. Stone."

Cyborg raised an eyebrow. "Really?"

"In that non-gay way, yes."

"Oh… OK. Good."

"Anyway," continued Miss Anthony. "Mr. Tweed was not who you thought he was. He-"

Robin gasped, interrupting her statement. "We've known a CIA agent all this time?"

"No."

"I can't believe it! We actually met a CIA agent!"

"Forgive him," said Raven, patting Robin on the head. "He gets confused."

"GAAAH! SOMETHING'S GOT ME! SOMETHING'S… Oh! It's _you_, Raven!"

Miss Anthony merely raised an eyebrow, wondering why her client would have chosen these people to be his friends. No matter, though. She had a job to do and money to collect.

"Anyway, Mr. Tweed was one of the wealthiest men in the state. He was the head of a successful paper company that made him a billionaire."

"I'm not buying that," said Cyborg, a frown on his face. "If he had been a billionaire, he would've gotten out of those rags and bought a house, at least."

"Mr. Tweed had a slight mental disorder that made him slightly dur dur dur." Miss Anthony slapped her chest several times with her eyes rolled back and her tongue sticking out of her mouth. "He strived to be different by living on the streets and giving all of his money to charitable organizations."

"Which organizations?" asked Robin.

"The charitable ones."

Before Robin could respond, Miss Anthony continued. "Anyway, Mr. Stone, Mr. Tweed has included you in his will. He has left you the _Sunshine Paper Company_ and fifty million dollars for you to build a headquarters for…" Miss Anthony reached into her pocket and pulled out a scrap of paper. "…The 'Teen Titans'."

"That's so generous of him," said Cyborg. "Thank him for us."

"I can't do that, Mr. Stone. He's dead."

"Oh yes…"

"The money has already been put into Mr. Tweed's bank account, which remains active for your use. The password to use it is 'sunshine'."

"Thank you," said Cyborg, getting up from the recliner. Robin and Raven followed suit.

The three left, leaving Miss Anthony alone in her office. She shook her head, sending her hair everywhere, and reached down onto the coffee table to pick up a picture of Mr. Jonathon H. Tweed III. She punched the glass protecting the picture and threw it into a large garbage can, which held several identical frames of different people.

"I love how morbid this job is," she said, grinning.

Coming

Beast Boy plopped his ass on the couch and turned on the large television in front of him. It had been three days since he and his new friends had entered their new home: a giant tower in the shape of a T. As gay as it may sound, the tower was very state-of-the-art, and everybody in the city would've given anything to stay one night in its metallic halls.

The construction only took nine days. The materials were provided from many different companies, and even though the Titans' budget was limited, they managed to get the tower they had always dreamed of. Or, that is to say, Robin dreamed of it… Nobody else really cared what it looked like, just as long as it was warm and safe.

The war between Beast Boy and Cyborg had ended. Or, that is to say, it was on hiatus. The two had agreed to stop in order to build the tower and planned to restart on the fifth of June. It was now the fourth of the said month, and the changeling was trying his hardest to take in a large amount of relaxation. His mice were also taking a break, eating their weight in cheese and hamster treats.

As the boy changed the channels, he heard the sound of overdriven guitars coming up from behind him. The tune was very familiar; he probably heard the song everyday. Eager to know where it was coming from, he turned his head to see his enemy, an iPod in his hand and a pair of headphones in his… ears…

The half-man, half-machine sat down on the couch and glared at Beast Boy, who returned the look. However, the changeling's heart began to soften, and his glare turned into one of slight interest.

"You like the White Stripes, too?"

Cyborg had somehow managed to hear the question over the guitars, and his glare turned into one of interest as well. "Yeah," he replied. "They're good."

"_Black Math_, right?"

Cyborg looked down at his iPod. "Yeah."

"I'm more of a _Hotel Yorba _person, myself."

"I don't care for that song. Folkish music never did anything for me."

"Meh."

"What do you think about the whole bassist thing?"

"You mean the thing where people say they hate the White Stripes because they don't have a bassist?"

"Yeah."

"I personally don't care. Jack White can easily dub a bass into their songs, if he doesn't already, and even if they had one, the bass riffs are hardly ever heard or noticed."

"That's exactly what I think. Just the other day, my girlfriend and I were in a coffee house, and there was a radio that played music over some loud speakers, and we were talking about the songs and stuff. Then the White Stripes came on and she said they needed a bassist, and until they got one she wasn't going to listen to them."

"That's bull crap!"

"Isn't it, though? I dumped her right then and there!"

The two boys sat on the couch in silence, wondering if what had just happened was an actual event or just a trick of the mind.

"Did we do what I think we just did?" asked Cyborg.

"I think so… We just had a friendly conversation."

"You wanna go get some pizza?"

"Sure."

And they left. Yay.

Soonish…

Meanwhile, in the tower's kitchen, Robin and Raven were enjoying a nice batch of steaming apple cider contained in a _Sunshine Paper _paper cup. Robin didn't exactly care for the drink, but after a person has been threatened to drink it so a certain empath wouldn't have to prepare anything else, he was suddenly fond of the hot beverage.

"Beast Boy and Cyborg have really hit it off," he said, hoping to strike up a conversation.

"Mhmm," replied Raven during a sip.

"And it kind of bothers me, too. The whole thing about them getting together just because of a band doesn't seem natural to me."

"I don't see a problem in it," said Raven, twirling her cup around in her hands. "People get together like that all the time."

"Name one example."

"Beast Boy and Cyborg."

"Hmph! Good point!"

"The thing that bothers me is the fact that had it happened to Beast Boy and _me _instead of Beast Boy and Cyborg, an author would've had grounds for fluff."

"…That's certainly true."

"Of course, there's a chance that some yaoi author is going to write something about… them…"

"…"

"Meanwhile," said Raven, giving her attention to an assortment of mice in front of her, "what do you guys think about it?"

The mice were all busy chewing on small pieces of apple, each bearing an expression that would've made Hamtaro look like he was an ugly duckling. The largest one of them all, a white one with a black circle around his left eye, dropped his piece of apple and stuck his nose up into the air, his nostrils sniffing and his whiskers moving around. Aw…

_Squeak squeak squeak._

"You think Beast Boy and Cyborg should go back to war?"

_Squeak squeak. Squeak squeak squeak._

"You think that now they're going to secretly enter a gay sexual relationship and try to keep it a secret from us?"

"That's not what he's saying," said Robin, giving Raven a glance.

"Oh hush. You don't know anything."

Probably…

Sorry for the wait. Reviews are as nice as cookies!


	11. Chronology V

Had this been any other fic, you would be able to figure out how accurate or how inaccurate an author is making a certain character. By comparing how the character acts in the show to how they act in the fic, you could say "Wow! This guy's really got Starfire's personality accurate!" or you could say "Damn these people that think Raven's _that _emo." Either way, if you are one of those people, I'd advise you to turn that comparative part of your brain off (along with your non-existent frontal lobe), because there's no point in comparing how a certain Tamaranian girl acts in this fic and in the show.

The point is this: I have dragged Starfire's image through the mud with this idea on how she came to Earth to hopefully please my friends that hate her. Of course, the idea is going to be better than that crap that was _Go_, but if you don't like it, tough. You can just crawl into a corner with your laptop (or drag your desktop with you, whichever you please) and browse the website for Starfire-related C2s, where you and other pussies can read in purist joy.

Burn baby. Burn.

But now, as I look back at the end of that last paragraph and laugh, I can't help but wonder where this chapter is leading to. Thinking quickly, I decided to end this tiny introduction and get on with the currently scheduled fic.

So that's exactly what I'll do, much against the will of these terrible keys…

Begin actual fic here

At precisely 2500 hours, a small spacecraft took off from a blue planet. The planet itself was occupied by a large amount of people, but that's beyond the point. The point is that these people were _not _out there, waving goodbye. And as the pilot of the spacecraftgot high up into the atmosphere, she couldn't help but think about what had just happened such a short time ago.

A flashback in a flashback

_A tan-skinned girl with blonde hair and clothed in a linen dress came walking down the dark hall, her bare feet shuffling below her. Under her dress was a large protrusion, but the girl couldn't have been pregnant, for she constantly kept her forearms under the bump to keep it from falling. Behind her right ear was a small carnation which gave off an elegant scent that pleased the senses. However, this flower didn't go at all with the mood of its wearer, for the girl had a large frown plastered on her face. Her eyes were glazed as if from crying, but she continued to press on through the darkness, faint candles lighting her way. _

_After a while, she reached a large oak door in front of her. She didn't know how long she had been walking, but the point is she reached her destination: the broom closet. _

_The closet itself was never used, and one could tell that for certain by the rusted hinges and the large amount of dust that had collected on the wood. As the girl reached for the doorknob with one hand, the other still clutching the bump, she wondered how many people even knew such a closet existed. _

_However, as she gripped onto the knob and opened the door, she knew for sure that _one _person knew of it: her friend Koriand'r._

_Koriand'r was a tall Tamaranian girl with long red hair and an orange complexion. However, she was now extremely thin and frail, and her long red hair lost the brilliance that the girl once saw. Her skin was now much paler, and her pupils wide from the darkness of the closet. _

_"Is it time?" she asked, a faint ray of hope in her eyes. _

_The girl nodded. "Yeah. I've checked and everything; everyone's asleep."_

_Koriand'r got up onto her feet, now proving that she was much taller than the other. "I appreciate this greatly, Tierra."_

_"I told you, I changed my name!" giggled Tierra as she noticed her friend smile. "But since you're calling me that all of the sudden, should I call you 'Koriand'r'?"_

_"Please." Koriand'r rolled her eyes. "I haven't heard the name in so long it sounds foreign."_

_"How strange… Your own name, and yet it's unusual to you. You're a strange girl, Kori."_

_"Might I say the same about you."_

_Tierra smiled as she reached under her dress (shut up…), grabbing the bundle below it. "Here," she whispered, revealing a pair of purple boots. "I retrieved these for you."_

_Koriand'r gasped as she reached out a hand and grabbed hold of the shoes. "How did you…"_

_"I stole them Lerrible. You wouldn't believe how horribly that man snores…"_

_Koriand'r kept her mouth half-open in fascination as she quickly slipped off the pair of brown, beaten boots that currently covered her feet. She then sat down to put on the brilliant purple ones, eager to see how they looked on her legs. They were soft and comfortable, just as she had imagined them to be._

_"Don't they look marvelous?" asked Tierra as she watched her friend. "And now they're yours. I know you wanted them long ago, when your sister first died, but I could only get them to you now without striking up an ordeal."_

_Koriand'r stood up and admired the shoes from above. She then looked up into Tierra's eyes, her own frown appearing on her face as well. "I'm going to miss you," muttered the Tamaranian. Tierra nodded and turned around. _

_"I've got a spacecraft waiting for you in the back of the school. It's nothing like your old one, but it's just as good."_

_Koriand'r took off after her friend, catching up to her quickly. "You _are _coming with me, aren't you?"_

_"I wish I could, but I can't. I've got to get back to the Ruby City. You know… duty calls."_

_"I understand…" Koriand'r continued to walk with her friend. "I can never come back to Iz, can I?"_

_"I doubt it. People think you're dead. A controversy would arise if you returned."_

_The two girls walked in silence until they reached an intersection._

_"I must leave you here," said Tierra, turning to her friend. "You know where the back of the school is, yes?"_

_Koriand'r nodded. A short while later, the girls embraced. They stood holding each other for at least ten seconds until Koriand'r pulled apart. _

_"I have to leave." And with that, she turned around and left. _

Travels

"She works hard for her money!" sang Koriand'r loudly as she ripped open a clear plastic pouch and took a deep sniff. "She… Ah yeah…"

Koriand'r giggled uncontrollable as she reclined in her chair, her brain playing tricks on her. Her spacecraft was set on auto-pilot, so she needn't worry; it would find its own way to Earth.

As the alien lay back, staring at the multi-colored ceiling, she began to think about her past life. She and her Family had managed to convert a small amount of the planet's population, and she hoped drastically that her brethren would be able to take care of themselves without her.

"No, no, wait," said the girl hazily as she felt the effects weakening. "I'm supposed to be studying my stuff." She reached behind her and rummaged through a burlap sack, moving things around. She let out an "Aha!" as found what she was looking for: a pink, heart-covered book.

Koriand'r had been accused of robbery, and she _was _guilty… at least forty people had witnessed the event. She couldn't exactly blame herself for her reactions, however; her real family rarely loved her.

Koriand'r had been the second child, the first being Blackfire. Blackfire had always been the loved one, despite the fact that as a child, Koriand'r was the one that deserved and needed the most attention. While she sat there in a puddle of her own pee, Blackfire was constantly being treated with new toys, games, and attention.

It wasn't until the third child was born that Koriand'r began to become noticed, but in no way for the better. Her third sister was born as an albino; she lacked the beautiful eyes that her sisters had and the fair skin and hair. Instead, she was gaunt and ashen, so the father named her Ashfire.

The parents were awfully busy with their rule, so they decided that assigning her responsibility to one of Ashfire's sisters would be the best idea. Because of Blackfire's spoiled nature, the parents realized that it would be wrong for her to hold the responsibility of guiding a child into adulthood. She would fail. However, they noticed the structure that Koriand'r had managed to teach herself and gave Ashfire's needs to her, knowing that she would receive the love and support of a structured sister.

And so that's what she did. For three years, Koriand'r spent her time with her sister, who received a large amount of love and affection. Feeling that Ashfire shouldn't have to go through the neglect that her mother and father had failed to give her, Koriand'r sacrificed her free time to sing lullabies, play with the child, and suffer the pain of one's hair being pulled at great strength because of rebellion.

Ashfire was soon taken away from her sister when she turned three years old; it was time for her to go to school. Now that the girl spent time amongst friends she made and little time with Koriand'r, the second-oldest child began to feel, once again, neglected. Through shady characters, she learned the use of the illegal Cha-Cha plant and its ways of giving the inhaler a high to escape all reality and leave stress behind.

And that's exactly what she did.

A year passed, and the alien was now sixteen. She had founded a cult in order to spread free love throughout society, something that she never had experienced. However, the Anders Family, as was called, committed large amounts of crime and was pursued by the mob after stealing a lollipop from a small child.

Knowing what had to be done, Koriand'r packed her bags without saying goodbye to her family. Blackfire would still be provided for by her mother and father, and Ashfire would find ways to survive; Koriand'r herself had taught her how to do so. After waving goodbye to her cult, she hopped into her space craft and took off from the planet of Tamaran, leaving the mass of people behind.

Knowing she would need a new identity (just in case), she began to learn the arts of being a happy, cheerful person. She had purchased a book before her departure, which was something that she never had had the chance to open beforehand. Now with the free time she had, she figured it would be as good a time as any to start her studies, which is where we left off before that completely inaccurate history of Koriand'r and her family.

"Now then," said Koriand'r, propping her feet on the control panels as she opened the book: _The Guide for Preppies_. "Let's see what we have here…"

_Chapter 1!  
__Like, omg, r u serious!_

_What the hell?_ thought the alien as she looked at a picture of a girl with her hands over her mouth and eyes wide as if shocked. _I have to learn how to act like _this

_Thank you for purchasing _The Guide for Preppies_! With this book, you'll be able to befriend even the most snooty and hypocritical snobs in the whole universe! Just remember, even though you feel like giving up, think about how hard it must've been for all the other preppies to get by without this book!_

Koriand'r nodded in agreement as she continued to read.

_With this chapter, we'll cover the basics of how to write notes in class and not get caught by the teacher. Later, we'll discuss the proper way to use _AIM_ and other chat communities._

_Let's start with basic note writing. To begin, pick a pen of your choice, though it may be best to write with a gel pen. Make sure you write large and loopy, making your tittles with hearts and marking your _t_s with squiggles. Here's a blank section for you to practice on._

Koriand'r looked at the blank lines in front of her, faint letters occupying some of the space. Taking a pencil from the dashboard, she lightly traced over the letters, hoping she would be able to pick up the language easily. After succeeding in copying the alphabet, Koriand'r began to read the next section.

_When writing, do not spell words that can be shortened. In example, never write the word "everyone". Instead, write "every1"._

"That's retarded," said Koriand'r aloud as she raised an eyebrow. The authors of the book had printed a list of words and phrases that could be shortened, such as "forever", "two", "you", and "rolling on the floor laughing my ass off".

As Koriand'r sighed and began to flip the page, she was thrown into the air, colliding with the ceiling. Realizing that it would've been a good idea to wear a seatbelt, she hastily looked out the windshield to see a blue surface get closer and closer.

Wait a minute… That was Earth!

Koriand'r turned the auto-pilot off and grabbed the controls, hoping to stop the ship in anyway. If it continued moving at this rate, it would…

"OMG!" shouted Koriand'r, not realizing that she was only supposed to write the letters instead of speak them for shortening. "WE JUST CAUGHT FIRE!"

"We", of course, being the spaceship and the girl trapped inside.

Looking out of the windshield, she noticed that she had long ago passed the clouds and was currently plummeting towards a large body of water. As she felt a sense of calmness grow inside of her, she wondered how confused the people must've felt, seeing a large, flaming wad growing closer and closer to the surface.

Feeling as if she were the damsel in distress, she let out an ear-piercing scream as she found herself right in front of the water.

_SPELUNK!_

Reacting quickly, Koriand'r threw open the hatch to get out of the craft. The author, feeling that this scene wasn't dramatic enough, made the ship explode and send shrapnel flying in a one-hundred foot radius.

Koriand'r looked up at the sky with an agitated look on her face. "You just _had _to make it blow up, didn't you?"

**_YES I DID_** came the booming voice of the author, who was undoubtedly smiling with the feeling of accomplishment.

Koriand'r rolled her eyes and quickly began to swim in the direction of the nearest land mass. That's right. She swam. Just shut up and keep redaing.

Libby and Connie

Five miles to the east of the above incident, a teenage girl sat on a pier. She was clad in a pink sweater with raggedy jeans covering her snow-white legs. Her long red hair was braided into pigtails, decorated by two blue ribbons of silk. As she sat there, her legs dangling above the water, she grinned as she hummed a soft melody to herself.

She was distracted, however, when she noticed a red mass out in the distance. She didn't know what it was, nor did she really care, but she knew one thing for certain, and that was that whatever was out there was making its way towards the shoreline.

Within two minutes of her time, the girl could clearly see what this mass was: the head of a girl. Realizing that she seemed to be getting along just find by herself, the girl remained sitting on the pier, continuing her song and watching the occasional seagull.

A minute went by, and then another, until finally the girl reached the shore. Her hair was clinging to her back as if hanging on for dear life, while the girl herself was on all fours, panting for breath. "GAAH!" she shouted, standing up on her feet, knees wobbling as she did. "Son of a… bitch!"

The girl on the pier stood up as well and made her way over to this girl that suddenly appeared. Now a few inches in front of her, she stood and stared at the soaked girl, who noticed her, and now returned the glance.

"Um… Hello," she said, wringing her hair.

"Hi!" greeted the girl, showing off a set of blinding white teeth. "My name's Libby! Who are you?"

"Kor… Connie." The wet girl prayed a silent prayer in hopes that Libby would buy her fake name.

"You're all wet, Connie," responded Libby as she cocked her head. "You should dry off."

Connie gave Libby a glance. "How old are you?" she asked, hoping not to sound rude.

"Going on sixteen," grinned Libby as she took Connie by the arm. "Come watch the birds with me."

Before she knew what was going on, Connie was being dragged off towards the pier by this strange girl she had just met. Libby's fashion was questionable; it was well over ninety degrees, yet here she was wearing a cashmere sweater and faded jeans. Sighing, Connie gave in and followed the girl to the dock.

"Sit here. That's where you can see all the good stuff." Libby pushed Connie onto a small bench and sat down herself. "I saw you out there in the ocean," she said, wriggling as if she had just sat on something sharp. "What happened to you?"

"When did you see me?" asked Connie, looking at Libby.

"About five minutes ago."

"And you didn't call for help?"

"Nope. I figured you were just a swimmer coming to shore."

Connie looked to the right to notice a large freight ship which bore men dumping steel barrels overboard and into the water. A few feet along the shoreline, she noticed a sign that said the following.

_WARNING! WASTE DUMP!_

_All swimming is off-limits! The Jump City Refinery is not responsible for any injuries, illnesses, or deaths that result from swimming in this area._

"Libby, sweetheart," began Connie, giving the girl next to her a questionable look. "This section of water is a waste dump. Why would anyone in their right mind be swimming in this place?"

"Because signs are for losers," grinned Libby. "Everybody swims in this section. They just-"

The girl was cut off as she noticed an ambulance screech to a stop along the coastline, sirens blaring. Two men piled out of the cab with a stretcher and hurried to the water's edge, where the two girls could see a limp and swollen body.

"Ha," said Libby. "Loser. Serves him right."

"What is your **problem**?" asked Connie as her eyes bugged out from the girl's statement.

"What?" asked Libby, turning to the girl. "What do you mean?"

"A while ago you told me that people never obeyed the signs and stuck up for it, and now you're condemning that man for going out there?"

"Of course." Libby rolled her eyes. "Gee, do you really think that I'm _that _stupid?"

"…Yes. Yes I do."

Connie turned her head back so she could view the ocean in front of her. After seeing that man being carried off by the ambulance, never had she been so grateful to have a natural immunity to toxins.

A couple minutes of silence went by, and as they did, Connie tried her hardest to not slip into withdrawal. Her… "friend", as she called it, had been forgotten in the ship when it crashed, much to her body's dismay. She could feel her legs beginning to twitch.

"Well!" she shouted, standing up. "I've just got the sudden urge to get up and move around! Heh heh… No sitting down when you do **that**, right?"

"Nope!" Libby stood up as well. "I think I'll join you!"

Connie felt a frown begin to form on her face. "Cool!" she said, trying to sound excited. "The more the merrier!" If this was what being nice and cheerful was like, she knew she was going to regret it.

The two girls set off down the pier, grinning along the way. It wasn't until Connie kicked Libby in the shin from a bad "involuntary spasm" that she often got once in a while did things begin to go badly.

The only problem Connie had with Libby was the unnecessary changing of opinion. If the incident at the beach wasn't bad enough, it was the small talk the girl was babbling out as the two walked down a street's sidewalk.

"I mean, just look at jay-walking!" the girl shouted as the two saw a man jay-walk across the street. "People should be put in jail for that! It's – Ah, here's our street – It's retarded! I mean, what if the guy in the car can't take his foot off the accelerator because of some leg disorder? The guy would probably be creamed if he didn't jump out of the way in time, which is hard to tell, because of the math involved."

As the two crossed their street, Libby almost made certain that she walked outside of the striped line, giving an occasional bounce in her step as she did so.

"And it's a stupid factor, anyway. People jay-walk because they want to. It's the _driver's _fault if they get hit, isn't it? They were just walking across the street!"

Connie rolled her eyes as the girl continued on.

"And what's with this war in Iraq? People are getting mindlessly killed over there! Is there even a point, or are we just fighting because we have too many people in this country? Boys are getting murdered over there because they're joining the army, and it's a shame, because it's a volunteer thing but they feel like they have to and it's not fair! So what if the Trade Centers got blown up? It couldn't possibly happen anywhere else, _riiiight_?"

Tears began to roll down Libby's cheeks as she said this. Connie, on the other hand, was hoping to find the perfect opportunity to run away. She needed to get somewhere with a lot of people. Sure, she was on a city street, but it wasn't like people were swarming around her. She needed to get to some kind of social gathering, some kind of…

…Club…

"Hey," she said, stopping Libby's new rant about how God is dead. "You want to go clubbing?"

"Clubbing?" asked Libby. "Sorry, I don't go to clubs. I go to pickets and rebel meetings."

"Ah, come on. It'll be fun."

"But I don't _want _to."

"Please?"

"No."

"I'll give you what's in my pocket." Connie patted her skirt.

"…What's in your pocket?"

"I'll give it to you when we go clubbing."

"Can't you just tell me what it is?"

"Nope. That'll ruin the surprise."

"Come on! What's in the pocket?" Libby was now officially whining.

"Something secret."

"What _kind _of secret?"

"The secret that you can't tell."

"Ooooh… Tell me, please!"

"No. It's a secret."

"But you can tell _me_! We go _way_ back, remember?"

Realizing that this was steering into a new direction, Connie quickly thought about the situation.

"Fine. I'll tell you what it is, but you've got to do something for me."

"What?"

Connie pointed to a newspaper stand fifteen feet before them. "See that newspaper stand?"

"Yeah…"

"Go up to the owner and ask if he's into being roughly treated in acts of dominatrix."

Libby grew a look of disgust upon her face. "Ew… And _why _would I do that?"

"To get what's in my pocket."

Libby's look of disgust was replaced by a look of curiosity. "What's in your pocket?"

"Just get," agitatedly stated Connie as she shoved Libby away from her. She watched with a grin as the girl ran up to the newspaper stand and began a conversation with the owner. As soon as she saw the man gain a shocked look on his face, Connie knew it was time to take action.

Noticing no one in site, she kicked off of the hard cement and went sailing into the air, leaving Libby a good five miles below.

"LOL," laughed Koriand'r as she remembered what she learned from her book.

The Lovely Miss Raven

Koriand'r was, as they said on her home planet, royally screwed.

She didn't know what time it was or how long it had been since she had ditched Libby, but it was now relatively dark. Hell, "relatively" wasn't even the proper word. It was _beyond _dark. The _darkest _dark. Darker than black. Darker than Lemony Snicket will _ever_ be.

Of course, in such terms, that's not really dark, but the point is that it was sometime during the night, and Koriand'r had a rather uncomfortable feeling. She had never liked roaming around at night, especially in a strange land she had never been to before.

And the fact that she was lost in a backstreet alley didn't really make matters any better. As she dimly made out the word "gangbang" written on a brick wall with purple spray-paint, she felt her most frightened.

She gained a feeling of hope, however, when she noticed a faint glowing light in the corner of her eye. Turning her head, she saw a small building of sorts, sounds of soft-playing music and murmuring people coming from it. Feeling as if this would be a good place to stop for a little while, Koriand'r entered the building.

It was quite musty; a gray layer of smoke had concealed most of the ceiling. As she observed her surroundings, she noticed that practically all of the building's inhabitants were dressed in black. They donned large sunglasses (despite the fact Koriand'r doubted they needed them) and all had cigars hanging from their mouths, which only fed the fog above.

Trying her hardest to find a chair, Koriand'r continued to look around the building. She noticed at the back of the building there was a small stage with "Poetry Act" written on the back wall in large, red letters. She found a seat up front and sat, hoping to find out what was going on.

It was then that a man in black came up onto the stage, speaking into microphones hanging from the ceiling above.

"Welcome, Cool Cats, to the weekly poetry act of the _Jump City Coffeehouse_. Yes sir."

Koriand'r turned around and stared in fascination as all the people began to snap their fingers in rhythm. However, the man on the stage held up his hands with his palms facing the audience, and the snapping ceased to continue.

"Before we begin, I would just like to let you cats know that contrary to last week's statement, this performance is not part of the _Jump City Hospital's _coma restitution act, so if you've had more than 10 brain damage, please kindly stand and leave the building."

Three men slowly got up and made their way towards the exit.

"We have a _very _cool treat for all you cats tonight. Miss Raven, long-time member of the club, has two readings she's going to perform, one now and one a tad later. So please put your fingers together for our little lady."

Koriand'r saw a girl with lavender hair and fair skin step onto the stage to much snapping. She was clad in a black Victorian dress, it seemed, and she was carrying a set of small bongos.

She sat down on the stage's floor and crossed her legs, dragging the bongos in front of her. She cleared her throat and rapidly tapped her fingers on the bongos.

"A soft, warm pillow,  
A heavy blanket for warmth,  
A large, comfy bed."

The girl waved her arms in an elaborate dance, her head looking up at the ceiling.

And now, for your personal information, the author would like to let you know that his bangs are getting in his eyes and they burn like a bitch.

The girl patted the bongos and cleared her throat once more.

_Tap tap._

"A large, striped feline,  
A bushy face that smiles."

_Rattuh tap tap tap._

"A sleeping tiger."

_Tap tap tap tap tap._

"Some three-lined poems,  
Performed by Miss Raven, her  
Haiku poetry."

The girl stood up and bowed to large, rapid snapping. Koriand'r, not sure what was so great about the act, snapped as well.

"Thank you," said this "Miss Raven", as she called herself. "I will be back five poems later to sing Elton John's _Levon_ while playing a mellotron."

More snapping. Miss Raven picked up her bongos and got off stage, being replaced by the man from before.

Koriand'r kept her eyes on the girl; not only because she was so beautiful, but because she had sworn that she had made direct eye-contact with her. Sure, anybody up in front of a large group of people was bound to look at _someone_, but this eye-contact seemed much more… personal.

Getting up, Koriand'r followed the girl to a dark corner of the room, where two empty chairs sat as if waiting for her. Raven, well ahead of her, had just sat down and crossed her legs. Koriand'r took the other seat.

"Hello," she said. Raven faced her with a puzzled look.

"Hello," she mimicked. "Are you new here?"

"I guess you can say so. I was lost and I saw this place, so I came in."

"I see. What do you think?"

"I beg your pardon?"

"What do you think of this place? Nice, huh? I come here every week for the poetry act."

Koriand'r nodded. "I… uh… just came in here because-"

"You were lost."

"Yeah…"

The two girls sat in silence, and while Koriand'r was facing the stage to watch a guy sing a horrible song, Raven kept her eyes fixed on her face.

"You're not from around here, are you?" she asked, causing Koriand'r to turn to her.

"Who? Me?"

"No, your chair." Raven pointed to the chair Koriand'r was sitting on. "See? It's from Taiwan."

"Oh. Clever." Koriand'r rolled her eyes. Raven huffed and crossed her arms, looking at the stage.

The two girls sat in silence for what seemed like an eternity.

"Where the hell is Taiwan?"

"AHA!" Raven shouted, causing no disturbance to the performance up front. "You're **not **from around here! Admit it!"

"I never said that," Koriand'r replied, biting her lips as she tried to focus on the performance.

"Anybody could see that you are. You've got the traits of a typical Tamaranian."

Koriand'r quickly turned her head to the empath; she was grinning smugly.

"C'mon," she said, her grin showing off her white teeth. "Spill it. What's your name?"

"My name?"

"Your name."

"Connie… My name is Connie."

"Oh?" Raven put a hand to her chin. "Connie… That's unusual for a Tamaranian name. Was one of your parents from Earth?"

"I don't think so…"

"Another mistake on your part. What's your real name?"

Koriand'r sighed. "Koriand'r. It's Koriand'r."

"A beautiful name… Very Tamaranian. How long have you been here? Does anybody know you've run away? Why'd you leave?"

Koriand'r felt bombarded. It felt bad when you were caught on Earth, the place you had traveled to so you could escape. And better yet, she was caught by someone she didn't even know.

"Do you have any powers?"

Koriand'r gave her full attention to girl, wondering why she had asked that question. "Why do you ask?" was her response.

"Because I want to know. Now do you have any or not?"

"Well… I can fly, and I can shoot starbolts from my hands."

"Koriand'r, how would you like to live at my place?"

"I don't go for any of that freaky stuff."

"I'm not making a pass at you!" Raven scooted away from the girl as she gave her an odd look. "I'm just asking! I'm on a crime fighting team called the Teen Titans, and we live in a large tower on the outside of the bay. You would live in a huge home with me and three other guys."

Koriand'r made a disgusted look on her face.

"No, we do not have kinky sex," responded Raven as she rolled her eyes.

"Oh… So, you are like… friends."

"Yes. Exactly."

Koriand'r sat in her chair, staring down at the floor. She had never thought about living on Earth; she would just stay here for a while and then move on to the next galaxy.

But then again… if she decided to join these "Teen Titans", she would have a chance to be with… friends. She had never had friends before; only followers and a younger sister. Opening her mouth to speak, she was ready to give her answer, but she was distracted when the door burst open.

"Hellooooo!" sang a girl as she interrupted the performance. "I'm looking for my friend Connie. Has anyone seen her?"

"I accept," responded Koriand'r as she grabbed Raven's arm. "Come on."

"Let go of me," said Raven, trying to yank her arm away from the alien's grip. "What makes you so hasty?"

"Ah! _There_ she is!" Libby was now making her way towards the corner the two girls occupied.

"Come on!" shouted Koriand'r as she flew up into the air and through the ceiling, an arguing Raven clinging onto her hand.

As the two girls flew away, Libby stared up at the ceiling in awe. She then lost interest, left, and was never heard from again.


	12. Chronology VI: The Wilson Story

A/N: For some reason I kept wanting to put off writing this chapter. It's pretty odd, mainly because I enjoy writing so much… but I just found a bunch of other stuff that I wanted to do. But I was actually working on it over the whole time… really. I started writing it a long time ago, and then I just left it alone, picked it up again, left it some more, and then finally finished. Wow.

Begin

**_As the author of this fic, it is my sworn duty to inform you that this chapter takes place several decades before the previous chapters of the Chronology series. Though it may not seem it, it all adds up later on. _**

**_Tri _**چ

Jump City was one of those "special" places on Earth. People would awaken to a bright, sunny morning, where they would casually get out of bed, scratch themselves, yawn, take a shower, pee, and make breakfast. They would then lazily get into their business clothes and leave their homes, ready for work.

Now in Jump City, two things could happen as you were going to work. One, you would get to your destination without a hitch or two, your life was threatened by acts that involved maiming, robbery, shoot-ups, destruction, or scary butt-rape. People born and raised in the city were quite used to possibility number two (due to the fact that it happened more often than number one), but it still struck fear into the hearts of tourists and the occasional Little Timmy that happened to be passing by. Not only did there seem to be a high crime rate, but also a large number of the citizens had HIV. …Ugh…

All other citizens, however, continued their day without any fear of these threats. If, say, Mr. X was suddenly dragged into a dark alley and found himself staring down a pistol, he would find this to be an act of excitement and would casually thank the gun for bringing thrill into his life. If Madame Y found herself getting butchered by a man with a steak knife, she would say to herself "No harm done!" and would lie in the few liters of blood she had just lost.

With all of these disgustingly optimistic people, Jump City was known throughout the planet as the ninth wonder of the world (the eighth being taken by Charlie the jet-piloting Beagle). Optimists throughout the world would travel to this city to experience these events first-hand, many of them never leaving.

The real estate was just too good to pass.

Of course, Jump City's only real problem was its crime rate. People never seemed to realize that "robbers" weren't actually actors that would later return the victim's money, but actual bastards that, by now, didn't even need to rob to maintain a life reserved for the Fortunate Sons. Instead, they often smoked their dollar bills (increasing the lung cancer rate as they did so) and bathed in perfumed waters. This is how people such as the mayor of the city got their enormous wealth.

On a brighter side, Jump City led the country in per capita GDP. People from all over the country would move to the city to take advantage of the occupation of burglary. Of course, there were a few oddballs living there; those that weren't optimists and didn't want a job of robbery.

A perfect example was Levon Wilson. Levon was a typical family man; he was living at the age of 32 in a large mansion with his wife, Kristin Wilson, and his children, Leroy and May.

Levon worked as an executive of a box company, where he spent typical working hours managing employees and making a large sum of monetary compensation. He would leave his office at 5:30, engage in normal traffic, and (without typical Jump City delays), he would pull into his three-car garage and greet his family.

After Levon would eat his dinner, he would play some table games with the kids and enjoy their presence. At precisely nine o'clock, the tots would go to bed, and Levon would enjoy the company of Kristin, his lovingly-typical housewife. They would go to bed at ten and generally fall asleep by half-past eleven… It's up to you to accept what they did or not.

Levon would fall asleep, as men supposedly do after these events, and he would later wake up at half-past seven to prepare for work. And this is where our chapter really begins.

A Typical Morning

As the sun continued its rise over the earth, people began to slowly wake up. As the sun shined through the master bedroom of 3559 Fry Road, Jump City, an alarm clock on the nightstand prepared itself for its once-a-day routine. In bright red, Levon Wilson's clock proudly displayed "7:29". The sun shined, nature continued to awaken, and as the clock's two final digits changed, an annoying, ear-piercing alarm reverberated throughout the room.

Levon Wilson opened his eyes as he felt his eardrum begin to rupture. It wasn't a pleasant feeling, but it was a feeling that had to be felt…** every day of his LIFE**. He lazily reached over and tapped the clock, which then went mute. Now wide awake, Levon dragged himself out of bed and headed over to his bathroom to get ready for the day.

Meanwhile, Kristin Wilson was well into the process of prepping her seven and nine-year old children for their fun day of education.

"Now listen, May," began the wife as she put her hands on her daughter's shoulders in that typical mother-ish way. "I want you to be on your best behavior for Mrs… Where's your brother?"

"Beats me, Mom," replied May, shrugging. "He claimed he was going to try some new stunt. Something about jumping off a roof."

Two houses down, young Leroy Wilson stood at the top of Mrs. O'Reilly's roof. He was the epitome of adventure, if not suicide, for his usual seven-year old "mischief" consisted of such acts. Just two days ago, he managed to burn down the county library after experimenting with matches and a perfectly innocently placed container of napalm jelly. It unfortunately stuck to his clothing and, after somehow splashing everybody else after tripping, stuck to everyone else. To the contradiction of much protest, Leroy Wilson lit a match and proved the book _Fahrenheit 451 _true. Last week, Leroy was accused of purchasing an illegal firearm and ammunition. He then literally decided he was going to see how a gun work, pointed the barrel to his head, and pulled the trigger. I don't know _how _he managed to survive, but he did. Make up your own story.

Needless to say, Leroy was sadly retarded and couldn't really do anything for himself. He was completely dependent on his mother and father, and, occasionally, his sister May. He wasn't necessarily looking for trouble; trouble was looking for him.

Many a time has the family taken their little boy to the _Jump City Church of Catholicism _in hopes that their little boy would be exercised. It was here that their little boy's head would turn around and have a sudden case of projectile vomiting, spewing up whatever was inside his stomach. The priests would all turn their backs to the family, not exactly caring; they had innocent altar boys waiting for them in the back rooms.

The family became Protestants after several tries. In that case, they denounced the belief that Lucifer himself was trying to take hold of little Leroy and believed that he was just mentally ill. He couldn't exactly complain, though, for his disease had deprived him of speech and the ability to hear. He instead had to rely on a mixture of sign language, gestures, and dry-erase boards in order to make any points across.

As we speak, Kristin Wilson was just about to set the example of the typical communication with Leroy. As she ran outside in her robe, hands ready to speak, she frantically approached the house her boy was currently station on top of.

Luckily, the author's amazing abilities of being able to translate sign language to English has spared the burden of doing it yourselves. Let's listen in.

_HEY! GET OFF THAT ROOF IMMEDIATELY!_

Leroy noticed his mother and shook his head.

_No can do, Kristin! I'm stuck up here!_

_How did you get up there in the first place?_

_I climbed the gutter._

_Climb down!_

_No._

_Why not?_

_Because that would deprive the author of having any odd yet slightly comical situations happening to me. _

_Nobody gives a damn about the author! _

Kristin suddenly received 300 volts of electricity for being crude.

_Don't cuss, Kristin!_

_Quit calling me "Kristin"! Call me Mom!_

_Don't cuss, Mom!_

_Now get down here before I come up there and spank you!_

_I don't believe in incest, Mom!_

Kristin then wondered how her child had heard about such things. Certainly not in _her _household!

_Just… come down!_

_NO!_

_THE AUTHOR'S GETTING SICK OF CONTINUING THIS CONVERSATION! GET OFF THE ROOF NOW!_

_Fine… Fine…_

Leroy Wilson then spread his arms and prepared to jump.

_WHAT ARE YOU DOING?  
_

_I'm getting off the roof!_

_YOU'RE GOING TO JUMP?_

_No! I'm going to _fly

Just as Kristin was about to run forward to catch her son, the author graciously reminded her that her son had been killed twenty times before and had fifty-one lives left on him.

And so, Leroy Wilson jumped and landed on his head, cracking his skull in several places. The Wheel of Life set in, and he was healed.

(A/N: The author would now like to say he is not a Hindu. Thank you.)

_Now, hurry up and get ready for school. The bus will be here any minute._

Leroy did as his mother told and ran towards his house, ready to greet his sister and start the day. Kristin remained behind, watching her son as he ran haphazardly across the street, miraculously avoiding the cars.

"God…" said Kristin to herself as she shook her head. "Why does that boy have to be like that?"

"**_READ _ROMANS 8:28 _WHEN YOU GET HOME, WOMAN_**," responded **GOD**.

(A/N: No, the author is not making fun of Christianity. He was only making fun of Catholic priests.)

Kristin nodded her head and began the walk towards her house. She reached it, as the people in these fics usually do, grabbed the doorknob, and entered. There, she saw May, sitting at the kitchen table and playing with her _Alphabet Cereal_ and Leroy, sticking forks in the toaster.

A low horn sounded outside, causing May to get up, grab her backpack and lunch box, and grab hold of her brother's hand.

"Have a good day at school," said Kristin as the children left the house.

Levon Wilson entered the kitchen, fixing the cuff of his right sleeve. "Good morning, Honey," he said typically as he gave his wife a peck on the cheek. "Did the kids get off all right?"

"Yes," replied Kristin as she sat at the kitchen table.

"Even Leroy?"

"Ah… That reminds me. He has fifty lives left."

Levon put a hand to his forehead and closed his eyes. "That little…"

"Oh well. It's all part of raising a child, right?" asked his wife as she got up and hugged her husband.

"Meh…"

"You're not _sorry _we had Leroy, are you?"

"Are _you_?

"I asked first. And besides, it wasn't _all _my idea."

"That's bull! You said you wanted a boy!"

"**IT WAS _YOUR _FAULTY CHROMOSOME THAT KEPT MAY FROM BEING A HIGHLY INTELLIGENT AND SOPHISTICATED BOY! NOT MINE!**"

"**THE DOCTOR OFFERED TO MAKE HER BOY, BUT NO! _YOU _SAID-**"

"**I DON'T BELIEVE IN SEX CHANGE! BESIDES, THE DOCTOR EVEN SAID IT WOULD'VE BEEN LESS EXPENSIVE TO DIG A HOLE THAN BUILD A POLE! WE SAVED MONEY!**"

"**SAVED MONEY TO DO WHAT? DRESS HER IN DRAG?**"

"**THAT OUTFIT WAS FOR BOTH BOYS _AND _GIRLS!**"

"**IT WAS A SHIRT THAT SAID 'MY MOMMY'S GOT THE GOODS'!**"

"**IT'S TRUE AND YOU KNOW IT!**"

The author decided to end this argument by giving both parents a helping of 2000 volts.

And that, my dear friends, was a typical morning in the Wilson family.

The Companions of Levon Wilson

Approximately thirty miles away, the _Jump City Box Company _sat upon the top of a hill. It was one of those typical scenes: a large evil-looking building lording over the fearing little citizens below with constant lightning and gray storm clouds in the background, providing a nice, omnipotent feeling of utter doom.

It didn't increase the tourist rate, but it made the grass nice and green.

As we speak, Levon Wilson made his way up the long cement driveway; a usual route for everyone with some connection to the company. As the windshield wipers of his Jaguar rocked left and right, Levon couldn't help but notice how the rain seemed to be letting up. It would've been unusual… it never stopped raining at the _Jump City Box Company_. That's why they never had tourists and the grass was so green.

I mean… there was lime green, and there was forest green, and there was baby poop green, but this was, like… **_green_**.

Levon reached the top of the hill in a brief minute, now sixty feet above sea level. It was a rather large hill… but I think I've gotten in too much detail of the rise itself. We're now going to focus our attention to Levon, who was supposed to be the main character of this chapter, but kind of lost the spotlight a long time ago.

As Levon stepped out of his car in his typical business apparel (a collared shirt, slacks, and fancy shoes to match), he quickly opened an umbrella and stepped outside, locking his car in the process. He briskly marched up the path, ready to start the new day at work.

Another day, another three-week cruise to Europe for the family!

Levon stepped inside to be immediately greeted by the elevator. He pressed the "up" button and waited. The doors soon opened to reveal a short balding man who seemed to be quite anxious.

"Hello Levon," said the man as Levon stepped in.

"Hello Brad," responded Levon as he stood next to the man. "Feeling OK?"

This man with Levon was none other than Brad Elliot, Levon's coworker and head of the labeling center. It was his sworn duty to govern the worker in his department so that boxes wouldn't be stamped with the wrong labels. It was a big job, and someone had to do it. At first, that someone wasn't Brad, but that man died, and Brad took the position reluctantly. No one wanted his job. Not even Brad.

Brad wasn't what you would call the "happy-go-lucky" fellow. Though he could occasionally be "one of the guys" when he was around Levon or a few of his other buddies, he was a man of hard times and troubles. Just in the last couple of months he experienced identity theft, bankruptcy, and losing to a complete n00b on _Jeopardy_.

But life went on, and it was good… for the most part.

"Say, Levon," said Brad as the elevator reached the fifth floor. "Did you drop off those forms to Mr. Herbert?"

Mr. Herbert was the boss of Levon and Brad, having a reputation of being one of the fattest bastards a person could ever know.

"I did that last week," responded Levon as the elevator stopped on the seventh floor to let a woman in. "And besides, they were forms I didn't _have _to turn in. They were only letters of recommendation for Meredith."

"Meredith… Meredith…? …Oh! She's that newbie, right?"

"Yeah. My new secretary."

"How is Meredith?"

"The same. I was invited to her Sweet 16 last week, but I didn't have the time to go. Too busy."

"And too…"

"Disgusted, yeah."

The elevator stopped on the ninth floor, and the woman with the two men (and Brad himself) got off.

"See you later," said Brad. Levon merely waved and waited for the doors to close.

…They did, and he arrived on the tenth floor, the floor of his office.

He was greeted with the usual smell and sound: coffee brewing and a typewriter punching. It was a very small room… there wasn't much in there. Right in front of him was a circular desk, and to his right was the coffee machine that made his morning cup everyday. All emptiness aside, it was a rather cheery place.

In fact, inside the circular desk was one of the sources of cheeriness: his secretary, Meredith. She was a rather young girl, as he had mentioned to Brad earlier. She had just turned sixteen and had come to the _Jump City Box Company _to gain a part-time job as a secretary for experience and college credit. She had brown hair with eyes to match and was, what seemed to be, the average height of a girl her age: about five and a half feet.

"Hello Mere," said Levon as he stepped out of the elevator and made his way around the circular desk. Meredith picked her head up and smiled.

"Hello Mr. Wilson."

"Any messages for me?"

"Two." Meredith reached for two pieces of note paper and held one in each hand. "One call from Mr. Herbert… Says he has to have lunch with you today."

"And the other?"

"That's from Mrs. Wilson."

"What does she want?"

Meredith cleared her voice and read from the paper. "Don't bother coming home, you jackass! I'll just sit here and cry while you stop by the divorce counselor this evening!"

Meredith put the notes in a trashcan at her feet and began to type on her typewriter, a look of seriousness on her face.

Levon recognized this look and rolled his eyes. "We're not splitting up, Mere."

Meredith stopped typing and looked up at her boss. "Oh?"

"Leroy died again this afternoon and we had a little…"

"Say no more!" Meredith regained her grin. "All is forgiven!"

Levon nodded his head and walked away. It was time to get to work.

His office wasn't too far from Meredith's desk. All he had to do was walk three paces to the north to reach a hall, enter that hall, and then walk ten more paces to reach his office's door. He didn't understand why he was given the only office in this particular hall, but he certainly didn't mind it. It gave him a nice sense of solitude.

Upon the door were the words "Levon Wilson, Executive" in large gold letters. He opened the door to be greeted by the familiar smell of green plants, which were stationed in pots suspended by chains from the ceiling. This unusual arrangement gave the room a nice and brisk smell… and it made it look like a greenhouse. People that entered his room suddenly felt like they had stepped outside into a mystical land: a land that was once covered in snow for decades, ruled by an ugly female dictator, and…

…Oh… I'm changing settings. Whoops.

Anyway, Levon sat in his swivel chair behind his large and fancy oak desk and grabbed his telephone. He was the only one in the building to have an avocado green telephone still… but he certainly didn't mind. Besides, it matched the rest of the room.

He put the receiver up to his cheek and dialed a number. A brief moment of silence followed, and then Levon began to speak.

"Mr. Herbert? It's Wilson. …Yes, I got the message. …No, I didn't forget to turn in those forms. …Yes, Mr. Herbert, I realize that without me there wouldn't be anyone to run the folding center. But Mr. Herbert, folding cardboard into boxes isn't an easy job. It's an art. You have to… You have to follow step-by-step directions, Sir!"

Levon listened to his boss's response and nodded his head. "Yes sir, I'll have lunch with you this afternoon. Where and when? …Ten o'clock this morning? Gee, Mr. Herbert, I don't think I can. …Because, sir, if they had it at ten o'clock in the morning they wouldn't call it a lunch meeting. They would call it a brunch meeting."

Levon grinned and began to chuckle lightly at his goofy joke, then stopped. "Yes, I know I'm not funny. …No, I won't pull any crap like that again. …You what? …Oh… you're moving it to 12:30. That'll be fine, Mr. Herbert. Yes, I'll see you at the McDonalds at 12:30. Goodbye, Mr. Herbert."

Jump City's Mary Richards

Down a very short hall and to the right, Meredith sat inside her circular desk and continued to type on her typewriter. Her job wasn't the easiest in the world, but someone had to do it. To have to put up with whiney people that knew how to punch buttons on a phone could drive any inexperienced person up the wall, but not Meredith. Besides, her boss said she did a great job, and her coffee was the best he had ever tasted.

Of course, she didn't know what made it so great. All she did was scoop the coffee out of the tin, put it inside the machine, add some water, place the pot under the spout, and press a button. She clearly remembered, though, when she was running late one morning. Her car had a flat tire, and somebody had to make the coffee in her place. The result was a catastrophic explosion, yet to this day, no one had been able to figure out how in the hell it happened.

However, as a result, Meredith was declared the official coffee maker.

Besides answering phones and arranging meetings, Meredith also had the job of giving people the key to the bathroom whenever they asked. This wasn't an easy task, for both keys looked exactly the same. One time she gave Mr. Carlton the key to the lady's restroom. Poor Mr. Carlton, not being the brightest man in the building, entered the lady's restroom to be greeted by Ms. Hartley, who had just finished her business and was in the middle of standing up. As a result, several lawsuits followed, and the idea of writing "M" and "W" on the appropriate keys was put into action.

All trouble aside, Meredith was relatively happy in her work. As a result, she was relatively cheerful and constantly laughing at the silliest things, which gave her the persona of being one of those giddy little schoolgirls that was in the cheerleading squad. But she wasn't, for she could hardly do a handstand.

But life went on, and she continued to stay happy. As we speak, she was currently humming and lightly head banging on the job. Pretty soon, she burst out singing.

"**LIKE A VIRGIN! TOUCHED FOR THE VERY FIRST TIME!**"

She was soon distracted, however, when she heard the elevator doors open behind her. A tall boy with shaggy blond hair stepped out of the compartment, carrying an assortment of parcels and letters.

This was Joey was a graduate from _Jump City High _and one of those kids that everybody seemed to love. Joey worked as the mail boy in the _Jump City Box Company_, spending a couple of hours delivering mail and packages to the random workers in the building. Though he never seemed to notice, Meredith had a sort of… "interest" in the boy.

This, however, would classify Joey to be one of those clueless people. Despite the many desperate come-ons the part-time secretary would perform, he never seemed to get the hint that there might have been something stronger than just a friendship between the two. But Meredith never gave up; she wanted that boy to be her own. Purr.

"Hey Joey," shyly greeted the secretary as she turned to face him.

"Hi Mere," responded Joey as he met her at her desk. "Here's some stuff for Mr. Wilson and some stuff for Ms. Hartley. Should I put them-"

"Oh, no, I'll take them," responded Meredith as she grabbed the items from the boy's hands. She dropped them in front of her without much consideration and searched for a topic to talk about.

"You want some coffee? I just made some about five minutes ago."

"Maybe I will have a cup."

Meredith clapped her hands in delight as she got up and exited her desk through the small gap in the back. As she made her way over to the machine, she searched throughout her head for some way to start up a conversation.

"Have you seen any good movies lately?"

"Nope. You?"

"Nada. But they just opened that new theater down on the corner of Willow Brook Street. It's supposed to be really great… People come around pushing carts with food so you don't have to get up during the movie to get something."

"Oh… Do they bring toilets, too?"

Meredith evidently found this funny, for she soon began to laugh hysterically. Joey, thinking that his crack wasn't that great, found this odd.

After a hearty ten seconds of laughing, Meredith ended with a brief snort and held out a steaming cup of Joe for… Joey… Ha.

"Thanks," said Joey as he took the cup. "I guess I'll be leaving now."

Meredith frowned. "You don't want to stay?"

"Nah. I've got work I want to do."

Before Meredith could respond, she noticed her boss, Levon Wilson, briskly walk by. Noticing her chance, Meredith stopped him by shouting his name.

"Yes Mere?" he asked, turning around and waiting for a message.

"Joey just said the most hysterical thing a while ago!"

Joey's eyes opened in shock, not exactly wanting to be the one that had a reputation of cracking jokes around the building.

"Really, Joey?" asked Levon as he crossed his arms and smiled. "You don't seem like the kind that goes around spilling funny stuff…"

"It really wasn't that great, Mr. Wilson," responded the boy.

"Sure it was!" Meredith beamed at Joey and then turned around to face her boss once again. "I was sitting here, telling Joey about a new theater that opened up and how they had people pushing carts around with food so you didn't have to get up during the movie to get something, and then Joey said…" Meredith turned to Joey and gestured for him to continue.

"Mere, come on…"

"No, really! I told him about how people wouldn't have to get up during the movie, and Joey said…"

Joey hesitated. "Do they bring toilets, too?"

Meredith once again began to laugh while her boss stood behind her, not exactly understanding what was so funny. Meredith turned to her boss and saw his look. Her smile vanished, and she soon turned around and faced the boy. "That's not funny," she said, returning to her desk with a scowl on her face.

Levon smirked as he headed towards the elevator. "I've got to meet with Mr. Herbert for lunch now," he said. "If anyone calls, you know what to do."

"Yes sir, Mr. Wilson," responded Meredith as she sat down in her chair.

The elevator came and left, and the two were once again by themselves.

"I guess I better get back to the mailroom now," said Joey as he headed towards the elevator himself.

"Do you have to?" asked Meredith as she turned to her interest. "I thought this was your last stop of the day."

"No, I… usually find something to do."

Joey pressed the down button on the elevator and waited. The doors opened and he stepped inside. He turned around and met Meredith's eyes.

"Thanks for the coffee," he said, a small smile on his face.

Meredith grinned and waved.

The elevator doors closed and separated the two. Meredith sighed and faced forward; another day, another passed opportunity.

As she reached for a deck of cards to play Solitaire for the eighth time that morning, she heard the elevator doors open once again. Out of the corner of her eye, she noticed a set of thick legs hastily walk by. She knew who they belonged to right off the bat… She had seen them an infinite number of times.

Mr. Herbert was the kind of guy that could scare the crap out of one of the Hell's Angels. He was thick, mean, and could shout louder than Kurt Cobain. Of course, there really wasn't even a comparison. The point is he shouted loudly.

He headed towards the hall that led to Levon Wilson's office and entered. A brief moment later, Meredith heard a silent curse, and she picked her head up just in time to see the man coming back, his hands clinched tight.

"Can I help you, Mr. Herbert?" asked Meredith as the man passed her. He stopped dead in his tracks, and for a moment she thought she had made the wrong decision.

"Where's Wilson?" asked Herbert, his voice low.

"Mr. Wilson? He just left to meet you for lunch."

Mr. Herbert growled and clenched his fists tighter. He began to make his way towards the elevator, but stopped and turned around to face the secretary.

"How old are you?" asked Herbert, his voice softer and quieter.

"Sixteen," responded Meredith.

"Shouldn't you be in school?"

"No sir. I'm home schooled. I just work here during the workday, go home, and do my studies in the evening."

Mr. Herbert nodded. "I like you. You're the only secretary that's had the guts to actually be able to talk to me without a single hint of fear in her voice."

Though she knew she should've been pleased, Meredith felt disinterested. "Thank you, sir."

"None of that 'sir' crap. Call me Wes."

Meredith's eyes shot wide open, for she suddenly gained interest. "…Wes?"

"That's what I said. …Do you have a problem with it?"

Meredith recoiled and lost her shock. "No! No sir… Wes."

"Good." Wes continued his conversation. "How long have you been working for Wilson?"

"About five months now."

"How much does he pay you?"

"One-hundred dollars a week."

"If you work for me I'll triple it."

Meredith was now utterly confused. "Excuse me?"

"I'll triple it if you leave Wilson and replace my secretary."

"Sir… Wes… I couldn't do that."

"Oh?" Meredith leaned back in her chair at this. It was always a bad idea to disagree with Wes. "And why not?"

"I enjoy working for Mr. Wilson very much… and he depends on me. I couldn't leave him."

"I'll double the triple."

"What?"

"I'll give you six-hundred a week."

"I'm sorry, Wes, but the answer's 'no'."

"I'll give you a thousand."

Meredith couldn't believe what was going on. One-_thousand _dollars a week? She could practically _buy _Joey for herself with that kind of money!

"…I'm sorry, but I won't leave Mr. Wilson."

"Fine. …But I'm going to tell Wilson to give you that much anyway. A girl like you deserves a good salary."

Meredith nodded slowly. "Thank you, Mr. Herbert."

Wes's eyes narrowed and his eyebrows scrunched together.

"…Wes…"

The head of the company nodded his head. "Good… Good…" He then turned and continued to make his way to the elevator. Open. Close. The boss was gone.

Meredith sat in her chair, processing the events through her head. She then grabbed her pen and steno pad and planned a shopping spree.

End Chapter

I didn't expect the chapter to turn out the way it did. It should've taken a different direction relatively near the beginning… but it didn't. I'll have to continue on this story with another chapter, if not more.

Thanks for reading, and don't forget to review. Yes…


	13. Chronology VII: The Wilson Story II

A/N: I would like to let everyone know that, if they have not read my profile, I've taken a new path in life. I realize that my academics are much more important than updating a silly fic every weekend. I've become more involved in studying (which I used to not do) and already, my grades are showing signs of improvement.

It's with this that I would like to say that in no way am I going to be able to update every weekend like I used to a long time ago. Unless, perchance, I get to write the whole chapter in one day (which is probably going to be unlikely), I'll only be updating whenever I get the thing done.

Of course, something's going to have to substitute for that. I now plan on making the chapters much longer depending on how long it's been since I updated. Consider it kind of a "treat" for waiting.

Fo' shizzle, I'm out.

Something Ebil This Way Comes

**_As the author of this passage, it is my duty to inform you that this chapter starts a day after the events of Chronology VI._**

**_Tri _**چ

Kristin Wilson was, as said before, your typical housewife. Everyday she woke up at seven, got herself ready for the day, and made a big pot of coffee that woke up the whole house as if they were in one of those retarded commercials. Sometimes, they woke up without the coffee brewing,like they also do in some of those retarded commercials. This confused the author and made him wonder how they could look so happy and relaxed when the coffee wasn't even being made. It's like getting all excited before Sadie Hawkins a month before it actually happened, which all high school girls seem to do… Or, they do at the author's school, anyway.

Anyway, the point is that her family depended not only on Levon, but Kristin as well. While the kids were at school and Levon was making his ridiculous sum of money, Kristin stayed home and cleaned the house and did other housewife activities. For interactivity, I'll let you list your own chores after the "cleaned the house" bit. It's sad to say that this author doesn't really know what exactly a housewife does besides cleaning houses, and he would like to say that if you are a feminist that found this statement insulting, leave now and never come back.

Today, however, was different. Kristin was now climbing into her '65 _Thunderbird _and preparing to drive off towards her husband's office. She had an urgent look on her face. I don't know how I'm supposed to describe it; the point is it was urgent. Of course, I'm not going to actually tell you why she had such a look; that would be unethical. And besides, the author likes a little bit of suspense. Not too much, though, like _Lost_. That show just went completely South when that damn Claire chick just _had _to get kidnapped… Bitch.

As she headed down the freeway at thirty-miles per hour, her left blinker flashing continuously and many an old woman yelling at her for giving the senior citizens a bad name, she couldn't help but wonder what had given her this feeling growing inside of her. It wasn't anything old, that's for sure. She needed to get to her husband's office and fast. Something was going to happen.

The only trouble was that she didn't remember how to get there. This appears to be a common trait for most housewives (or, as least, my mom), and she was currently reaching into her purse for her cell phone, which would be followed by a call to her husband that would result in much bickering as to which exit to take.

But, alas! There was the building right in front of her!

As Kristin drove up the long driveway to the top of the hill, she couldn't help but notice that a lone, gray cloud was hanging mercilessly over the building and everything around it. Looking behind her haphazardly (yes, she was still driving), she noticed that everything else in the city was enjoying a nice blanket of sunshine. Realizing that this was like one of those scary liberal junk science movies that proved their theories on global warming, the feeling of doom inside the housewife grew. It went from a feeling of doom to a feeling that a little kid gets after sneaking into an R rated movie, only without the nudity and obscenities. This very feeling had a reputation of giving the bravest toddler an urge to wet his pants from excitement (which usually happened, explaining why there are so many low urinals in movie theater restrooms). Kristin, being a woman in her late twenties, never got this feeling. Instead, she just got a feeling of excitement. It is also these reasons why women like Jane Fonda and Ruth Bader Ginsburg screamed at God/Mother Nature for not giving women an equal feeling of fright like men, along with the other sexist stuff. The author hates these two women very much… and their faces. Gross.

After shivering from fright at the thought of the two women's visages, Kristin arrived at the company's parking lot. Selecting a nice handicap lane, she reached into her glove box and pulled out the handicap tag that she had found in her late mother's closet. Hanging it from her rearview mirror, she hopped out of the car and darted for the entrance.

Everything inside the building was just as she remembered it to be. There, right before her, was an elevator that seemed to beckon her. Responding to the call (like most characters in these situations do), she pressed the "up" button and waited patiently. After a moment, the elevator doors opened, and she stepped inside.

Pressing the appropriate button quickly, Kristin waited, and the elevator soon lifted itself off of the ground. It stopped on the third floor and opened for none other than Brad Elliot, a close family friend that was notorious for his problems.

"Hello Kristin," said Brad as he walked in solemnly. "How are you?"

"Fine," responded Kristin as she gave Brad a welcoming hug like many of the high school girls at the author's school. "And you?"

(A/N: WHAT THE HELL IS IT WITH THESE GIRLS? DO ANY OF YOU HAVE GIRLS THAT JUST HUG EVERYBODY? DO YOU? I mean, I like hugs, but these are like "Hey Wade!" (hug of greeting), and then I'm like "Idiot. Hell no I won't marry you. Gosh!" …Yeah…)

"Not so well," said Brad as he returned the hug (as guys usually do in these cases). "The wife expects me to ask the boss for a raise."

"Why? You and my husband both earn more than you de-… more than you need."

Brad shrugged. "I don't know. She said she needed a new Fall wardrobe or something."

"Hmm…"

"…Is there something troubling you?"

Kristin snapped back into reality and opened her mouth to speak. "As a matter of fact, Brad, there is."

"What's up?"

Kristin put her hands in front of her in dramatic fashion. "Ever since I got up this morning, I've had this feeling that something horrible was going to happen. So horrible that I, a character unknown to fans of the _Teen Titan_s, was created for the sole purpose of coming here and telling my husband's secretary, who was also created for this fic, that she may know something that no else will in typical Mary Sue fashion. I think…"

Brad's eyes widened. "That's terrible!"

"No kidding. And now, seeing that I've just broken many walls in this elevator, we should probably stop talking and act like we're in an actual fic."

"Gee… I don't know. Sounds hard."

"What did you think of the game yesterday?"

"The football game?"

"Yes."

"It was ridiculous."

"I know. That fumble in the third quarter just totally ruined everything."

The elevator reached the ninth floor and opened, allowing Brad access to his floor. "See you later," he said, getting off and leaving Kristin to stay in her silence.

Which wasn't for long, seeing that her destination was only one floor above her. This was the tenth floor, the floor of her husband's office and the floor she desperately needed to reach.

She stepped off of the elevator to immediately see a circular desk. A young high school girl was sitting and writing hastily on a piece of paper. This was Meredith, Levon Wilson's secretary.

"Hello Mere," said Kristin as she hastily made her way to the desk. "Is Levon back from lunch?"

"He just left, Mrs. Wilson," said Meredith as the girl looked up from her paper. "Is there something you need?"

"Yes. Very much so."

"What is it? I can leave a message."

Kristin's eyes narrowed as she looked to the left and the right. Meredith, confused beyond belief, looked to the left and the right as well. Turning her attention back to the woman in front of her, she gained a look of curiosity. "Is this one of those messages that…"

Kristin nodded. "You see, in an act to make me sound like I know something that no one else does, the author has had me come to Levon's office in hopes that he hasn't come back yet. This way, I can talk to you without fear of him barging in and distracting us."

Meredith leaned in. "I'm listening."

Kristin's face was now about five inches from the secretary's. "Something horrible is going to happen soon."

Meredith's eyes widened. "Go on…"

"…That's it. Would you like a curtain to drop?"

Meredith frowned. "No."

"OK then."

"But why did you just tell me this, and how does it relate to me?"

"…The bad thing has to do with Levon. Something's going to happen, but I can't tell you."

"Why not?"

"That would ruin the whole aspect of my secretive character. I'm going to be a good little OC and disappear, leaving you, a completely original character designed to lead the fic to its plot and figure out these things by yourself."

"But whyyyy?" Meredith whined. "Why me?"

"Because that's why you were made. It's not like you were just thrown in here for filler, like Brad."

Meredith's eyes widened. "I have a purpose?"

"Indeed."

Meredith made a fist and closed her eyes in satisfaction. "Yesssssss…"

"Well…" Kristin looked from left to right once again. "I must be off now. You will never see me again."

"How come?"

"It would defy my purpose."

"So… Wait. Let me get something here." Meredith pointed at Kristin. "You were made for the sole purpose of delivering this message to me."

"And for giving Levon the look of a family man, yes."

"And I was made to carry out the plot of the _Wilson Story _for the _Chronology _series."

"You _are_ the one I'm talking to."

"Then why don't you help me out more?"

Kristin stood there in silence as if she didn't know what to say. "To contradict the plot?"

"Couldn't you have just not told me anything and make me look like a tragic, wrist-cutting girl that had to find things out the hard way?"

"…Yeah…"

"Then why did you just tell me the message?"

"To fulfill my duty."

"But what about _my _duty? I don't have to do anything with this message, do I?"

"I suppose not."

"So you're saying that I can just sit here and continue to live my life like a normal girl, waiting for this 'horrible thing' to come along by itself."

"Right."

"Wouldn't there have been the same reaction if you hadn't even come and told me this?"

"…I guess so, yes."

Meredith reclined in her chair and put her hands behind her head. "Owned."

Kristin rolled her eyes. "Just shut up and act your part. You never saw me." She threw down a smoke bomb, and as soon as the smoke had dissipated, she stealthily walked away.

Meredith was now by herself. What was she supposed to do now? Just sit here and wait for something else to happen? Or was she actually supposed to find out everything else in her lonesome, trying to stop this "evil" from arising?

Whatever she had to do, it was making her hungry.

For Wilson the Bell Tolls

It was now one o'clock, the exact end of everyone's lunch hour. As Levon Wilson headed up to the tenth floor, he couldn't help but notice an odd feeling of something terrible about to happen in his favor. Or it was probably indigestion from the lunch he had just eaten. One of the two.

The elevator opened and the man inside stepped out, smiling as he made his way near Meredith.

"Any messages?" he asked.

"One," said Meredith. "Mrs. Wilson came by while you were gone."

"Oh?" This was odd. Kristin never came to see him at work. "What did she want?"

Meredith looked around the room to make sure no one could've been listening in, then motioned for Levon to come closer. As soon as his ear was about an inch away from her mouth, she moved in herself.

"It's a secret…" she whispered.

Levon brought his head away and gave his secretary an odd look. "What?"

Meredith rolled her eyes. "It's a secret. It wasn't a message for you. It was a message for me."

"Then why did you tell me I had a message?"

"I didn't. I answered your question."

"I had asked if there were any messages."

"Right. And I answered."

It took Levon a short time to realize what his secretary was getting at, but he only rolled his eyes in response. "Thanks," he muttered as he walked off to his office.

"Nooo problem," responded Meredith as she began to write on a steno pad.

Levon rolled his eyes as he approached his office. He opened the door and stepped inside, slinging his briefcase down onto the floor. He sat in his chair behind his desk, contemplating on this odd feeling. Something was going to happen… Something horrible. Soon, too. Or maybe his indigestion had upgraded to acid reflux. It was hard to tell.

Levon's intercom buzzed. Sighing, he pressed the button and lazily spoke into it. "Yeah?"

"Wes is on line one," responded the disembodied voice of Meredith.

Levon raised an eyebrow. Nobody called Mr. Herbert by his first name. _Nobody_. Half the people in the building didn't even _know _his name.

"Thank you."

Picking up the phone, Levon pressed a button and put the receiver up against his face. "Yes Mr. Herbert?"

"**_Wilson!_**"

Levon had to pull the receiver away from his ear as his eardrum vibrated rapidly. "Yes, Mr. Herbert?" repeated Levon meekly.

"**_Get your ass down to my office, NOW!_**"

Levon heard the phone click on the other line. Sighing, he put his own receiver down and slowly got up from his chair. Something was up, and this was no acid reflux.

A frown on his face, Levon exited his office. He slowly made his way down his own little hall, where, at the end, he saw the concerned face of one of his dearest friends.

"Mr. Wilson…" began Meredith, her gaze never leaving Levon. "Would you like me to come with you?"

Well… this was new. Meredith refused to leave her desk during work hours. It was one of those annoying senses of "duty", as most people said.

"Yeah, Mere… That would be nice."

Meredith smiled and stood up from her chair. Exiting her desk, the two made their way towards the elevator, Levon still wearing his mask of depression and Meredith trying her hardest to smile. The elevator doors opened, and the two walked inside.

Wes Herbert's office was located in the basement. Nobody knew why except for the boss of the company himself. Wes hated windows, and he especially hated light… This would explain why he was the only one in the building that appreciated the constant overcast.

Of course, such seclusion would naturally be the lighter fluid in a pile of rumors about to get burned. Many people started to say that Wes stayed down in the basement because he just plain hated people, using the fact that he wasn't married and lived alone as their proof. Some people thought that he was just a lonely man, too afraid to leave his dark chamber and too afraid to make friends. A lot of people thought it was because he ate rats.

As the elevator continued to drop further and further down, both Levon and brave-hearted Meredith began to feel their anxiety levels steadily increasing. But the elevator felt no sympathy for either one of them, and instead continued its way down. It suddenly stopped and opened, exposing the two to a cold and damp environment.

Meredith was the first to leave, followed by Levon. The two walked side by side down a long, dark corridor, candles aligning each wall. It looked like a typical _Harry Potter _dungeon.

"This place hasn't changed at all," said Levon as he kept his gaze straight ahead at the door near the end of the tunnel. "I'm assuming Herbert's office hasn't, either."

"You've… been down here before?" asked Meredith as she made a face in disgust when she noticed the skeletal remains of a rat propped up against a wall.

"Yeah. It was back in '72, and I was still one of the normal people in the labeling sect. He called me down, and that evening, I was promoted to Head Labeler."

"You must have been… proud…?"

Levon grinned. "Yeah."

Meredith gave her boss a concerned look. She turned away quickly, however, just as soon as she was about to run into the door.

Levon sighed and opened the door slowly. Meredith, who had never been down in such a place before, gasped in amazement at what lay ahead of her.

The room before her was ridiculously large. It had to have been at least several stories high… if not even more. She couldn't see walls anywhere, but these were replaced by a mellow orange glow coming from all sides of the room. To make things even weirder, gears, cogs, and other mechanical devices churned and screeched from every direction, being visible only by their silhouettes.

"Dude," she said, somewhat amused. "What the hell?"

"Shh…" Levon whispered. "Your voice will carry in here. Keep it down."

Never one to disobey a direct order, Meredith kept it zipped. Instead, she followed Levon farther into the room, where she continued to look around. It was like one of those abandoned factories, or at least that's what _she _thought of.

"Wilson?"

The girl gasped and came back to reality when she realized she was standing in front of a large desk. There, behind the desk and in a throne-like chair, sat Wes Herbert. The man looked at the girl, his eyebrows rising in curiosity. "Why did you bring her?" he snapped, returning his gaze back to his employee.

"She came on her own, Mr. Herbert," said Levon boldly.

"She's too young to hear such things…"

"She's sixteen years old. She's far old enough."

Wes once again turned his attention to Meredith, who felt like she needed to sit in response.

"No one is supposed to know…"

"Meredith keeps her promises, and she knows very well when to talk and when not to talk."

Meredith turned to her boss. "I do?"

"Shut up."

Meredith, being one to never turn down a direct order, shut up once again.

"Wilson," began Wes as he put his fingers together. "I know what you've been doing. I know very well."

"If I may be so rude to interrupt, Wes," said Meredith as she raised her hand. "I can assure you Mr. Wilson has never done anything to me and would never hurt a fly."

As if things couldn't get more ironic, Levon replied to this statement by slapping a mosquito that had just landed on his boss's desk.

Meredith sweatdropped. _Note to self: When someone tells you to shut up, _shut up

"Now then, Wilson," began Wes once again. "If you're no doubt aware, our stocks have gone way down. The IRA has decreased their demand of boxes."

Meredith's mouth dropped open in amazement. _The… IRA? _

"Furthermore," began Wes as if Meredith's mouth had dropped open as the result of a sudden joint problem, "we'll have to give them our full support. Our company has relied on them for too long, and it still does."

"The IRA?" asked Meredith, aloud this time. She turned to Levon Wilson, who seemed upset. "The… _Jump City Box Company _supports… the IRA…?"

"The IRA is our biggest consumer," said Wes as he gave his full attention to the secretary. "They've been buying our boxes like mad."

"Why?"

"For packaging of weapons, of course. It doesn't make much sense just from speaking, but the charts prove it. The IRA loves us more than the radical Muslims."

Meredith turned to face her boss. "All this time… you've been helping the IRA?"

Levon frowned. He was, apparently, too ashamed to face his friend.

"What about all that stuff you used to tell me?" asked Meredith. "About how nobody should have to give in to anything? About doing what was right and ignoring what was wrong?"

"_Wilson _told you these things?" asked Wes. "Are you sure? Levon's been doing this thing for years! As of yet, nobody's even caught on! Not even his _family_!"

"You kept it a secret from them?" asked Meredith, her voice cracking from emotion.

The frown on Levon's face became more apparent. He should've kept Meredith from coming with him. He probably lost one of his best friends.

"Mr. Wilson, it doesn't make sense." Meredith frowned. "Why have you been going along with all of this? You were the one that told me to not get that tattoo if I didn't want one. _You _were the one telling me that I didn't have to defend somebody if I knew what they did wasn't right. But now… you're doing this?"

Levon's frown disappeared. "I suppose you're right, Mere. It doesn't make sense."

"No. No it doesn't."

"Mr. Herbert!"

"Yes?"

"I refuse to go along with this operation any farther!"

Meredith grinned. Now it was Wes's mouth that dropped. "What are you saying?"

"I refuse to become a part of a company that endorses terrorism, just because they're our number one consumer! Either that idea goes, or I go!"

Levon grinned and crossed his arms while Meredith clapped her hands in approval. Wes shrugged.

"OK Levon. If that's the way you want it, you're fired."

Levon's grin remained on his face, though Meredith could easily tell he was shocked. "What?"

"You're fired." Wes cocked his head. "OK?"

Levon lost his grin and his arms returned by his side. "You're… You're joking, aren't you Mr. Herbert?"

"Mmm… No."

"Heh, did you hear that Meredith?" asked Levon as he grinned and looked at his secretary. "He's a funny guy, isn't he?"

Meredith laughed nervously. So did Levon.

Wes didn't get what was so funny.

Father and Son Bonding

Leroy was sad. Mr. Bojangles had just been run over by a car.

He didn't understand it. No matter how many times he found a new frog and declared it his own, the poor little guy kept dying on him. Mr. Bojangles was no different.

As the boy sat in the street, poking Mr. Bojangles' flat body with a stick, he felt something moving towards him. He looked up and saw his father's car. Wondering why he would be home so early, Leroy left poor Mr. Bojangles in the street and walked up to the driver's window.

The window rolled down, and sure enough, there was Leroy's dad. He looked different… His usual sparkle in his eyes was gone, and his face looked like it had recently been very upset. Leroy was gifted… he could tell these things.

Levon smiled very weakly and put a hand on his son's head. Unlike Kristin, Levon wasn't as talented in sign language, and had to speak out loud as he performed with his hands to make things easier.

(A/N: Some people really have to do that. I never saw how it made it easier when I knew sign language… I guess it's what people do to give the deaf person a sense of normalcy.)

"Hey Leroy," said Levon to himself as he made the appropriate gestures. "How are you?"

Leroy smiled back, a gesture indicating that he was just fine. Levon returned the smile.

Before too long, Leroy and Levon were sitting in their front yard, looking at nothing in particular and having one of those typical Father-Son Bonding moments. Neither one of them couldn't help but realize how depressing this chapter seemed to get, but they decided to carry on. If they didn't, they wouldn't get their pay.

"I got fired from work today, Leroy."

Leroy frowned.

"I don't know what I'm going to do. I can't tell your mother… She would kill me."

Leroy nodded. _And you only have one life, unlike me!_

Levon smiled. "That's true, isn't it?"

The two sat there in further silence. Levon was apparently busy thinking to himself. Leroy was busy looking at Mr. Bojangles, who was already attracting flies.

Levon sighed. "What should I do, Leroy?"

Leroy shrugged.

"I mean… I can't just go back there and ask for my job back. That would be stupid."

Leroy nodded.

"I could eat a lot and gain fifteen pounds…"

Leroy made a look of disgust.

"Yeah, that's not a good idea, is it?"

Leroy shook his head.

"What would you do, Leroy? If you were me?"

Leroy smiled and made a small gesture with his hands.

"…Revenge? …Revenge…"

Leroy smiled as he watched his dad ponder.

"Yeah… Yeah! Revenge! I'll show them! I'll show **_all _**of them!"

Leroy's smile increased.

"You'll… You'll need to help me, Leroy. I'm going to need your destructive death wishes and your ability to die multiple times. Together, you and I can take down the whole company! We can take revenge upon the whole _world _if we have to!"

Leroy nodded.

"Yes… Tomorrow, my friend, we move in…"

Levon looked up at the sky and raised his hands into the air. With increasing volume, Levon gave out his first maniacal laugh, one that could easily compare to that of Ganondorf Dragmire's from _The Legend of Zelda_.

Leroy fwapped his dad.

(A/N: Ah… "fwap". How I've missed ye so.)

How the Empire Fell

Jump City didn't know what was about to happen to its beloved box company. Not even the animals.

Inside the main lobby of the company, a woman named Shailey sat behind a large oak desk. Shailey was, of course, a welcome girl, one of those cute little girls that were hired to give people directions throughout the building and to answer any general questions. Of course, none of these girls were hired for their intellect and ability to answer questions, but mainly because of their looks. This was evident in Shailey. The girl had breasts with more pressure than rear tires.

As the girl sat there, silently singing to herself, she couldn't help but notice a boy about seven years old enter the vicinity, looking around as if he were lost. He soon discovered Shailey behind her desk, however, and quickly made his way over.

Shailey, filled with curiosity, hurried to greet the boy. He had a look of worry on his face; a look that attracted all wandering people in the area to come forward and surround the boy in concern.

"What's the matter, little boy?" asked Shailey as she kneeled down so her eyes could meet his. "Are you lost? Did you lose your mom?"

To the shock of many a person, the boy grinned maniacally and exploded. This knocked the people far back in adjectives too gruesome for this author's personal taste.

Those that survived the explosion could soon hear a maniacal laugh coming from the entrance.

"Good job, Leroy!" said the voice as a larger man entered the room. "A great performance!"

Leroy climbed out of a pile of smoldering wood and grinned. He hurried to greet his dad, and the two stood side by side.

"Now." Levon reached into his pocket and pulled out several cartridges. "Here's some more dynamite. Have fun, but don't kill yourself more than ten times, OK?"

Leroy nodded and ran off.

"Now…" said Levon quietly to himself in all maliciousness he could muster. "To settle a little score…"

Levon headed towards an elevator and pressed the "down" button. The doors opened, and Levon stepped inside. I'm sure you all know where he's going.

As he stood there, listening to the elevator music that didn't seem to match the situation, Levon couldn't help but feel like he was doing something wrong. The words of his secretary kept echoing in the back of his mind… but what the hell? Who cared about her, anyway? **HA HA HA**! Eh…

The elevator stopped, and Levon casually walked down the dark corridor ahead of him. He reached the door, opened it, and stepped inside the orange room he had just recently been in a day ago. There, sitting behind his desk with no shock drawn on his face, was Wes.

"Hello Levon," said Wes as he put his fingers together once again, suddenly gaining a very exaggerated Italian accent. "I didn't expect you to be coming back."

"You know why I'm here, Wes," snarled Levon evilly.

Wes shook his head sadly. "Recruiting your own son, Levon? Shame…"

Levon's face didn't give off any sign of shock, but he couldn't help but have a sense of wonder. "How did you know?"

"I've got this nifty little thing embedded into my head," said Wes, grinning. "It's got some kind of magical power behind it… I can see what you're thinking. I can also see what cards a person has in his deck. Don't ask what that has to do with anything. It's just a little fact."

Levon's eyes became half-opened. He was obviously not amused. "Tell me. Now."

"I just did."

"No you didn't. You're mocking that pink-haired guy from the anime that'll come out a long time from now."

"No, I'm really not."

"Fine. The point is I came to kill you."

"You know you really don't want to, Levon."

Levon's eyes widened. "What do you mean?"

"Because, deep down in your heart, you know I'm not the guy that's responsible for firing you. Instead, a person that you know very well got you fired. A person that has been friends with you ever since you hired her."

Levon put a hand to his chin. "Kristin?"

"No."

"…May?"

"No…"

Levon's mouth dropped open in shock. "**Senorita Arroz?**"

"**YOU DUMBASS!**" shouted his ex-boss as he stood up from his chair. "**IT WAS MEREDITH! _MEREDITH_! YOUR EX-SECRETARY!**"

Wes sat back down in his chair and put his fingers together once again. Levon stood there in wonder.

"Meredith?"

"Yes. She was the one that convinced you to rebel. She convinced you to give up your position if I didn't meet your demands. If you want to kill anyone, it should be her."

"…"

"…You understand now?"

"Yes."

"Are you… Are you going to let me live?"

"No."

Levon pulled out a pistol and fired.

Ten Years Gone

The _Jump City Box Company_'s building was just as it had been ten years ago: filthy, dilapidated, and ruined beyond repair.

Since that dreadful day, no one dared set foot on the hill that held that black building. The only thing that touched the ground was the continuous fall of rain droplets, which fell harder and, as a result, produced a massive amount of runoff.

Inside the building, things didn't look any better. The lobby that had once contained many cheery people was in ruins, along with nearly every other room in the building. Cobwebs covered the corners of the ceiling, and the smell of rotting wood filled the air.

However, below this pit of Hell, there was a hallway that was just as dark as it had been that day ten years ago. The very hallway led into the large open chamber that had once belonged to Wes Herbert, who was murdered that same day. Compared to all of the other rooms in the building, it was now the most neatly kept.

This chamber now belonged to Levon Wilson and his son, Leroy. The two stayed secluded in this orange chamber, never leaving. They had managed to build a laboratory further in the back of the room, and that was where one of the men was now. Levon Wilson was sitting in front of a large computer monitor, looking at a day planner.

"So…" began Levon as he put a hand to his chin. "I'm still playing handball with Robert this weekend… Excellent."

This constant seclusion did nothing good for Levon. His face became deathly white and his hair was in shambles. An accident with a machine had caused his left cheek to become scarred and torn, and he was now forced to wear a metallic mask in order to keep a random henchman from running away in fright. That, along with many other things, proved how his guards were none other than a bunch of pussies in evil looking garments.

As we speak, one of his guards rudely stumbled into the laboratory. Levon rolled his eyes as he heard the clumsy footwork and turned to face his henchman. "What do you want?" he asked rudely.

"Sir…" responded the guard as his knees knocked together. "Excuse my interruption, sir, but there is that man that you scheduled the interview with here to see you, and…"

"Fine," responded Levon as he reached towards a piece of paper on his desk. "Send him in."

The guard opened the door to reveal a large, muscular man.

"Now, let's see," said Levon as he looked at the piece of paper. "It says here that you were the star of some action show. Something called… _Walker: Texas Ranger_?"

"That's right, Mr. Wilson," responded the man as he lowered his head in respect.

"You've been a karate expert for a large amount of years, you have nice teaching experience, and you've been the base of many ridiculous and obnoxious jokes, not to mention the fact that your tears cure cancer. Is that true?"

"Yes, Mr. Wilson."

"As far as I'm concerned, you're hired." Levon tossed the sheet of paper behind his right shoulder. "When can I start?"

"Learning the art of…" The man stood on one foot and raised his hands, "**KUNG FU** is not an immediate thing, Mr. Wilson."

"I do not care for your random voice changes, Mr…. um… Norris."

This man, who apparently went by the name of Norris, glared at Levon. Levon could feel his kidneys liquefy.

"That's amazing," he said as he looked down at his abdomen. "I can feel myself being slowly poisoned already. How did you do that?"

"It takes many years of hard training, Mr. Wilson. After years of hard work, sweat, and impossible exercises, you too can be like me." Norris grinned. His teeth shined.

"Fine. Do whatever you need to do. But I'm expecting results." Levon swirled around in his chair. "Now, one of the hardest things I've had trouble with was deciding a name to suit my godly evilness. I heard you can make some pretty menacing-sounding names."

"Ah." Norris reached into his pocket and pulled out a piece of paper. "I've already selected a few that your eminence might find… satisfactory."

"Just cut the crap and give them to me."

Norris reached into his other pocket and pulled out a pair of reading glasses. He cleared his throat and read. "The Dark Lord?"

"No."

"Supreme Tyrant?"

"Too political."

"Savage?"

"Moving on."

"Scab?"

"Hell nah."

"Slade?"

There was a brief period of silence. Levon sat in his chair, a hand on his chin. The guard and Norris both shifted around uncomfortably until Levon spoke once again.

"Slade… Slade… I like it. It has a nice ring to it."

"Yes. I suppose it does, Mr. Wilson."

Levon leaned forward and gave Norris a menacing look. "What did you just call me?"

"Mr. Wilson."

"Wrong."

"Slade?"

"Correct."

Norris bowed once again. His duties done, the guard showed him to the door.

As the door opened, however, the three were shocked to see a cloaked figure standing there. Her face, from the nose done, was wrapped in a bandage-like cloth, and through her tattered cloak, one could easily see she was frail.

"Who are you?"

The cloaked woman merely entered the room at a slow pace. Both Norris and the guard, who apparently didn't feel like being in the middle of something important, left the room.

"Can I help you, peasant?" asked Slade from his seat.

The woman took off her hood to reveal a mass of brown hair. She shook it from side to side and reached into one of her pockets, pulling out a date planner. She opened it up to the current date and held it up to Slade, who took it with curiosity.

"Ah," said Slade as he nodded his head. "That's right. You're that girl that I hired for the housekeeping position. Well, let me give you a rundown. The reason why I hired you is because I'm tired of having to pick up after my seventeen-year old son all of the time, not too mention I'm just plain sick of having to cook for him. He's an invalid, see, and he can't hear or speak. You're going to have to tend to his every need while I'm out wrecking havoc on poor individuals."

The girl nodded her head spastically.

"You're so quiet…" responded Slade as his voice became sympathetic. "Do you ever talk?"

The girl pointed to her throat and shook her head.

"What? Vow of silence?" Slade guessed.

The girl pointed towards a piece of paper on Slade's desk. Slade took it, looked at it, and held it up for the girl to see. "Your resume?"

The girl nodded and pointed at it once again.

"Restrictions? Restrictions… Oh! Oh ho ho! You're a mute also!"

The girl nodded spastically once again, sending her hair up and about.

"That's going to work out fine… Just fine. Now, let's look at your resume again. You're stealth and assassination skills are wonderful… that's good. And it says here that your abilities to prepare Cajun food have been praised by all of your former employers."

The girl grinned under her bandages.

"Excellent! Now, keep in mind it's your duty to keep the place running at top shape. You're to clean up after my son, Leroy, and you're to make sure he's as happy as any fancy-shmancy boy can be. You are to also cook dinner for him… Something Cajun, I guess. Keep in mind he's allergic to soy. I expect your menu items to reflect this."

The girl nodded.

"You will also be my main servant as well… You are to guard me from threatening attacks when I go to mingle around, all this and making a big steaming pot of something for us to eat by seven o'clock. That way… I'm sorry. I never caught your name. What did you say it was?"

The girl shook her head.

"Ah! Ha ha! You didn't! That's right. Now…. Resume… Resume… Ah. Your name is… Tasha?"

Tasha nodded.

"Heh. Tasha. _There's_ an in-joke few are going to get."

Tasha rolled her eyes. _Damn that author _she thought to herself. Oh well… It was all part of her job. Her main priority was to keep this man under surveillance… something that wasn't going to be easy, especially when she had known this man so long ago… The only catch was he had no idea he was talking to someone he once knew and loved. Oooh…

"Now then." Slade smirked. "Tasha… What a name."

Tasha stood in silence. Heh.

"I suppose the best thing would be for me to introduce you to Leroy… but I have no idea where he is. No harm done. I'll just let him-"

Slade was immediately cut off when a tall boy with long, mangled hair, entered the room at a fast pace. He glanced at his father, but was immediately distracted when he noticed a woman he had never seen before.

Immediately, the effects of high school hormones set in, and Leroy Wilson was soon all over Tasha like a lovesick puppy.

"This is Leroy," said Slade as Tasha shuffled nervously away from the boy. "I'm sure you two will get to know each other."

Leroy grabbed Tasha's left arm and pressed his lips against her hand. Tasha pretended to be flattered, but under her bandages, her mouth formed a look of disgust.

Leroy didn't care. This woman was… Wholey crap, this girl was **hott**! And man, those eyes… God damn those eyes. And those hips. Rawr! And gee, she had to be at least like, what, twenty-six?

"He seems to be quite smitten with you." Slade smiled under his mask, the kind of smile that any father gained when his hormone-driven son was slobbering all over a sexy dame. Tasha fanned her face in mock flattery.

"This is Tasha, Leroy," said Slade in sign language as his son looked in interest. "She's going to be our bodyguard/maid/Cajun chef. What shall we have for dinner tonight, Leroy? I'm rather in the mood for… jambalaya. How about you?"

Leroy nodded spastically, a trait that seems to be dominant in mutes. In this fic, anyway.

"Good. You heard the man, Tasha. We expect a damn good helping of jambalaya by seven. Get going."

Tasha bowed swiftly, muttering a silent curse to the government agents that got her into this. Oh well. It was all for the sake of the people.

Leaving quickly, Tasha left the father and the son alone.

"Now then, Leroy," began Slade once again. "Let's go over our agenda for tomorrow. Do you have the list?"

Leroy reached into his pocket and pulled out a scrap piece of paper.

"Let's see here," began Slade as he took the list. "Step one, go grocery shopping under the false identities of Bob and Drew… Good. Step two, brief the army of our idea to make androids. Step three, make the androids. Well done, Leroy. You're getting more and more like your father everyday. Like father, like son. Heh heh…"

Slade soon began laughing maniacally, something he often did. But when those sound waves echoed throughout the place, man, did pee leak.

Meanwhile, in an untidy kitchen below, Tasha couldn't help but wonder how she was going to get herself out of this mess. But man, was her jambalaya smelling good.

End

Uh oh… Slade and son Leroy are planning something! What is it? And who is this mysterious Tasha? Is it that obvious? …I mean, come on… It _is_, isn't it? Right? I mean… Wow.

Find out what happens next time on… _CHRONOLOGY VIII_!

Review. Now.


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